Not Rescuing Ex On Mother's Day

[Turkish]

Per the custody schedule, I have the kids this weekend. MD and FD aren't holidays recognized in the court order. As far as the co-parenting goes, we're cooperative colleauges.

Last week, I told their mom that she was welcome to meet us after church [today] and that we'd take her to lunch. She responded non-comittally. I was actually hoping that she'd surprise me by showing up, but she didn't. I resisted the urge to reach out and remind her, so I took the kids out to lunch. A father, having lunch with his kids on Mother's Day, their mom being within a ten mile radius somewhere. I also resisted messaging her before church got out to give her time to respond.

After we got home, we called. S5 and D3 were happy, but for kids this age, it doesn't really register yet. She said she was getting into the shower to travel to see Replacement MIL. She said that we made her day, and I thought I heard a sniffle. S5 wanted to drop off the card,.and I said that we could come over later and do so (I'm not a monster). She said maybe, but she was leaving. Knowing how long it takes her to get ready, and the drive time, they wouldn't have been back until night time. I ended with, "ok, you can just give the card and gift card to Mommy tomorrow when she picks you up."

Earlier in the conversation, when she over-thanked us for calling, I reminded her that I offered last week for her to meet us. She responded that we didn't talk to nail anything down. Here I thought, there's nothing to plan, you just show up and we go to lunch. I didn't respond, and after a beat she said, "I guess I should have confirmed it." We talked a little about some behavioral issues with the kids (I had walked out by then, because I wanted to tell her why her MD card had scrawls on it due to a major meltdown by S5 yesterday), and that was it.

Was I wrong to not remind her? Moms?

[Overseas1899]

No. She's an adult. You offered. You are just surprised as it is possibly not how you would have responded if you were in her shoes. Typically unpredictable. I find this whole disorder so strange. I myself need to stop being surprised by my uBPDh behaviour. Try not to feel bad. Your kids are glad to have called her. All that matters is how they feel. Signed, a loving Mom who hasn't split the r/s because I'm afraid of how things would be for kids