Therapist quit. How to move forward

[Lovingme35]

After weeks of trying to get SO to go to therapy with me, we went to our first session on Saturday. When I made the appointment, I let the secretary know what was going on and how extreme our situation was. I noticed during our session, how taken aback the therapist was. She seemed a bit overwhelmed. Sunday I got a phone call from her telling me that she was recommending her colleague to us instead and would not be handling our case anymore.

I am so mad. I do not like the person she is recommending and do not think my SO will open up to her. Not only that but now I have to figure out how to explain the sudden change to SO. He will not be happy. It will be like trying to explain to a little kids about a sudden change in teachers. Not only that, but we have to start all over. What a waste of time and money. I have started looking at other practices as well. Any recommendations on how to handle SO and what type of treatments have been effective for BP would be appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lovingme35]

I am looking at someone that has a doctorate degree in clinical psychology and integrates Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) for rapid results. She also uses Positive Psychology, EMDR, Mindfulness meditation, EFT, body awareness, and Eastern philosophies with the goal of removing blocks that prevent optimal flourishing.

Thoughts?

[maxsterling]

I'm sorry you have gone through this

Unfortunately, from what I hear and have experienced personally, finding a good therapist for a pwBPD is difficult.  MANY therapists get emotionally exhausted dealing with this illness, and are hesitant to take on this challenge.  And then there is the flip side - pwBPD tend to paint therapists black as soon as they are told the honest truth.  My W's T suggested she exercise more, and that was it - she quit going and started looking for a new T.

[Cat Familiar]

I've talked with my T about the difficulty of treating pwBPD and she says that a lot of therapists limit the number of clients with personality disorders to just a few as they're so exhausting to deal with. She supervises other therapists in training and she always warns them that as much as they're often loved by their BPD clients at the beginning that soon they too will be painted black.

So it may have had nothing to do with you--just that your SO was too much for her to handle.

[babyducks]

Hi LM35,

It certainly must have been frustrating to have your therapist switch abruptly like that.   Especially when you feel in crisis mode.    It's always difficult to speculate about motivation.  Many things could have driven her decision.   What others have said upstream was also true for me.   Therapists here didn't want to take pwBPD for many reasons, including how difficult they are to establish honest rapport with.   

While you both continue to navigate this difficult time I would suggest you keep looking at the lessons on the right hand side of the page.   There are tools there to help lessen stress.   

I would be cautious about expectations moving forward,   he truly might be going to therapy to 'help you' learn to communicate better.    If he is in it for himself he has a long difficult road ahead of him.  My partner is committed to therapy and has worked very hard to achieve the success and stability that we currently enjoy.   It's taken her nine years to get to this point.

'ducks 

[waverider]

We are just going through a similar drama. her regular counselor has gone on long service leave for 3 months, the arranged stand in has had a perceived personality conflict and wont see her. Her GP who does some great counseling work with her each week has suddenly gone on indefinite sick leave.

This has created enormous abandonment issues on the back of Mothers day which in itself triggers abandonment issues with her son and own mum... .,.

To say the sky is falling in around here at the moment is an understatement.

[takingandsending]

Hey lovingme.

My uBPDw has seen a T specializing in EMDR, which led her to learning/studying EFT as well. She no longer received EMDR, and now she is on to a new modality and seems less keen to keep using EFT. I will say, from my side, that the EMDR with the T was working, and the EFT on her own kind of worked though she often used it as a tool to manipulate everyone else (as in "you should tap on that" or "if you would just let me help you tap that out"  .

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that both modes do seem to have some benefit.

I am sorry that your T abruptly left. Could be a lot of reasons. I am really shocked that me and my wife's MC has stuck with us. I used to apologize to her about my wife's behavior during sessions. It's gotten better. I think, most importantly, what you do will likely have the longest sustained effect on your RS. It is really difficult for anybody, including pwBPD, to sustain therapy to the extent necessary to break old behaviors.

Hang in there. Let us know if you find anyone.