help

[marleyfan]

my wife and I have been married almost 25 years. She has BPD.  she's back in the hospital, and I'm stressed out. and she usually bouncing back fairly quickly, what happened this time so she has me worried.she went through dialectical behavior therapy and it was the best thing that ever happened to her.  but right now she's not using her skills, and she's just wallowing in the emotions. 

maybe I just need to get my emotions out, but I feel this heavy heavy weight.  it's hard to always be the one to keep and all together.sometimes how often it feels like I have another child instead of a partner.  never call in sick from work, but today I called him I'm guilty for trying to take care of myself. 

when she calls me tonight from the hospital, I don't know what to say I try to make s*** up to talk about, but because of the eggshells and her instability, I don't know what to do.I'm not good at lying, so it makes it hard when she asks how are you doing? 

F.m.L... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Marleyfan, 

Welcome aboard.

I am sorry that you are going through this.  I understand how difficult it is to feel that you have to be the one who has to keep it all together. It can feel overwhelming at times. 

You have the right idea when you are feeling this way. Writing or talking about your emotions and feelings really helps when you are overwhelmed. Sharing your story really helps. You will find that there are many people here that are going through similar situations.

I understand that you do not want to lie to her. There are ways to communicate with a person with BPD (pwBPD) without having to walk on eggshells or lying.  Communication techniques have worked wonders for my relationship. Take a look at this article. 

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

What happened that caused your wife to go back in the hospital?