Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 04:18:14 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: uPDxw Drama - the gift that keeps on giving  (Read 382 times)
Waddams
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living single, dating wonderful woman now
Posts: 1210



« on: June 02, 2015, 09:19:22 AM »

uPDxw has a live in boyfriend she's currently breaking up with.  She owns the house, his name isn't on anything, but he's been there 6 months, contributes financially, etc.  So he's got tenant at will rights.  In my state, a tenant at will that is paying has to be giving a 60 day notice to vacate.  If they don't, then it's on to eviction.

S10 had been telling me things weren't going well between his mom and the BF.  And the BF and S10.  I've been expecting the breakup.  uPDxw has had a recurrence of chronic b*tch face (I see her most days when picking up/dropping S10 off as he's with me most nights 10 of every 14 nights now) and S10's commentary had taken a big turn in tone so that I knew something was up beyond the standard child with divorced parents complaining to one parent about the other type manipulation.

Apparently there was some kind of big confrontation yesterday where uPDxw fled her home and wouldn't go back while the BF was still there.  She and S10 stayed at a friend's house last night.  She tried to downplay it to me, but I the facts are the facts.

So I've told her that S10 is always welcome and wanted and I'd prefer he stay with me as much as needed to keep him out of the situation until she's got it resolved.  I had an out of town reunion planned this weekend with some old friends, but it's looking like I might need to cancel attending to stay home and keep my son.  Apparently the BF is refusing to leave uPDxw's house. 

Disappointed at the timing.  Was really looking forward to this reunion.  And worried about my son.  I just went thru my breakup, move, etc.  We're just getting settled and back into a state of normalcy.  And now this happens for S10.  Lots of change and drama.  He's having a rough time.
Logged

livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2015, 06:34:33 PM »

That's tough, Waddams. It's hard to shield our kids from the drama when it's all over the place. He's with you majority time, so that's good. Is he glad that it's just the two of you for the most part? How's he doing? If I remember correctly, he is aspergers?

I made a really innocuous comment to S13 about how SO and I were probably going to be together a long time (S13 is very resistant to me having a BF, even 2.5 years later). S13's comment was, "I am tired of things changing." He said it with the weariness of a thousand lifetimes  :'(

They just want to be kids, which is hard when there is so much adult stuff going on.

What do you think is going on over at the house? What do you know of the BF?
Logged

Breathe.
Waddams
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living single, dating wonderful woman now
Posts: 1210



« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2015, 10:01:32 AM »

Excerpt
s he glad that it's just the two of you for the most part? How's he doing? If I remember correctly, he is aspergers?

He's with me most of the time, correct.  He seems to be doing okay for the most part.  He hasn't acted or said anything about missing exSO's kids.  He seems to be relieved as I am about not having their constant chaos around.  And yeah, he's aspergers.  It's mild and you don't really see it come out most of the time.

He's also not been real happy with his mom's BF since he moved in.  He's been talking about how they fight and saying things that were out of character for him.  I knew something was off kilter and it was getting worse.  He's also pissed at his mom and feels she teamed up with the BF against him, ignored him to focus on the BF, etc.  Some of it I can understand as just jealous and wanting his mom's undivided attention all the time.  Some of it though, I can understand as his mom definitely gets snappier when stressed.  I can definitely see her acting out towards him.

Excerpt
They just want to be kids, which is hard when there is so much adult stuff going on.

Yeah.  I'm working as much as I can to simply my life and by extension his when he's with me.  Trying to work in some downtime for us both to just relax, play some, and take it easy.  He's reacting very well to the change.  Life's been super crazy since february between my breakup, work, moving, and trying to keep S10 out of the drama at my house,and then a few out of town trips I had planned with him.  It's very nice for things to finally calm down.

Excerpt
What do you think is going on over at the house? What do you know of the BF?

S10 has now told me it got physical, the BF was chasing them down the driveway, beating on the car door and window and screaming while they fled the house.  XW didn't call the cops.  Instead she told him to get out ASAP or she would.  XW says she won't be there if the now xBF is.  He's not staying there now, but his stuff is still there.  He's supposedly moving his stuff out this weekend.

I cancelled going to my scouts reunion and am not swapping weekends nows.  I'm not comfortable sending S10 to his mom's house with that drama going on over there.  XW should have called the cops, had him arrested, and had a no-contact TPO put in place.  I did a little bit of Google-Fu on him and he's got past TPO's with other women, the mugshots are online, etc.  I haven't told XW about that, though.  Not sure I should.  I really feel it's sticking my neck in too far to tell her.  I need to focus on my kid, maintain the stability and calmer life I've established for me and S10 on my side of things, and let her figure her own problems out herself.
Logged

Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2015, 04:58:42 PM »

You did the right thing by pulling back and keeping S10 safe. Having been though a bit of CPS drama recently, and reading family DV material on my local police website, it could be a crime (for her) to expose a child to what you describe. It may be a bit more tricky if S10 is on her custodial time, but maybe an anonymous call to a local social services number can help shed some light on this?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
JIMB

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8


« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2015, 09:27:21 PM »

Disappointed at the timing.  Was really looking forward to this reunion.  And worried about my son.  I just went thru my breakup, move, etc.  We're just getting settled and back into a state of normalcy.  And now this happens for S10.  Lots of change and drama.  He's having a rough time.

Hi Waddams,

I understand your concern for your son, but do you have a family member who maybe happy to baby sit him at your house while you attend this reunion? I think you will send the wrong message to both your son & the uPDxw that her drama is able to still impact on your plans for yourself. This way your son will still be safe, and see that's mums dramas should not be putting every bodies life on hold.
Logged
Waddams
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Living single, dating wonderful woman now
Posts: 1210



« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2015, 03:18:18 PM »

Excerpt
I understand your concern for your son, but do you have a family member who maybe happy to baby sit him at your house while you attend this reunion? I think you will send the wrong message to both your son & the uPDxw that her drama is able to still impact on your plans for yourself. This way your son will still be safe, and see that's mums dramas should not be putting every bodies life on hold.

I have no family members that live in the same state as me. Closest is a 5 hour drive away.  It really sucks.  We moved here before the divorce.  Would not have done it had I suspected her cheating and what not and the things that led to the divorce.

I did not attend the reunion. I'm looking at the FB pics of old friends that did make it and while I know I made the right decision to stay home and not send S10 to his mom's house on my time, I'm still very disappointed.  That's parenthood though.

I don't believe S10's mom's now xBF has actually started moving his stuff out though.  I have a feeling the situation might drag out as uPDxw is a dumbas$.  Joy joy. 
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!