First summer sharing time with young D7 with ex w BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello all,

I am trying to handle the first week of summer having my D_lessThan10 in town. They live in another city. The court order is pretty explicit, and my time is alternating weeks and a few weeks in the summer.

I am getting a lot of narrative from BPD and D_lessThan10 leading up to this week that D_lessThan10 is pretty stressed about coming. She'll miss X,Y,Z events with friends or family. I sent a calendar a few months ago with my weeks and have planned for this time off accordingly. I am being made to feel that "I am telling" my ex what to do, and not thinking of the best thing for D_lessThan10.

There were lots of control issues during marriage - couldn't take D_lessThan10 to store, park, etc.

Do I just stand pat with the explicit details of the agreement?

I would like to have D_lessThan10 do sports, and have similar experiences. A consequence will be concessions on my end, as weekends will be shorter. 

I have usually erred on "best interest" meaning support D_lessThan10 activities with ex.

Thoughts and recommendations? Thanks

[forestfortrees]

Hello all,

I am trying to handle the first week of summer having my D_lessThan10 in town. They live in another city. The court order is pretty explicit, and my time is alternating weeks and a few weeks in the summer.

I am getting a lot of narrative from BPD and D_lessThan10 leading up to this week that D_lessThan10 is pretty stressed about coming. She'll miss X,Y,Z events with friends or family. I sent a calendar a few months ago with my weeks and have planned for this time off accordingly. I am being made to feel that "I am telling" my ex what to do, and not thinking of the best thing for D_lessThan10.

There were lots of control issues during marriage - couldn't take D_lessThan10 to store, park, etc.

Do I just stand pat with the explicit details of the agreement?

I would like to have D_lessThan10 do sports, and have similar experiences. A consequence will be concessions on my end, as weekends will be shorter. 

I have usually erred on "best interest" meaning support D_lessThan10 activities with ex.

Thoughts and recommendations? Thanks

[rarsweet]

Are you close enough to bring d to here usual activities on your time? If so you could just do that. If not I don't think a few weeks away in order to have time with you is unreasonable at her age.

[forestfortrees]

Travel is much more than an hour 1 way. It would be hard to go there and have her do those activities, then return.

[david]

I would follow the order. Over time things may evolve or change but it is probably too early for changes now. In the beginning I simply told our boys that the court order said this is the way it is to be done and blamed the judge. Our oldest didn't want to be at his mom's at all and she was given primary custody.

We now have 50/50 year round.

My ex used to sign the boys up for things that occurred during my custodial time. The things that the boys wanted to do I did with them. The other things I didn't do. Ex would send angry emails. I would receive a multitude of emails and would only reply one time.

[forestfortrees]

Thanks for the reply - I do have to stick up for all the arrangement outlines. I haven't really explained much to D7 about the specifics of the terms, but I may explain enough just so she understands this arrangement is not arbitrary.

I'll take the advice on the emails too. It's really hard not to get in business mode and reply point by point to the laundry list.