Doctor isnt getting it

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I saw my daughters doctor today, She is a good person and is really being patient with my ex. I like my daughters dr and feel she has my daughters best interest in mind, The problem is she is clueless about my ex and doesn't really understand why my ex and I cant get along and keeps pushing that I try harder to get along with her.

Im not trying to get the dr to see the truth because it will only look like im trying to run down my ex. Usually time brings the truth out about my ex but its been one and a half years and she still hasn't seen the light. I think my ex gets along with this dr because she can bully her, my ex has gone through 3 or 4 drs in 2 years because they wanted my daughter to be vaccinated while this dr has not pushed the issue. This dr really wants to see the good in everyone which is a good thing but people like my ex take advantage of that.

Any ideas how I should handle this dr when she suggests I work harder at getting along with my ex?

[Eco]

I saw my daughters doctor today, She is a good person and is really being patient with my ex. I like my daughters dr and feel she has my daughters best interest in mind, The problem is she is clueless about my ex and doesn't really understand why my ex and I cant get along and keeps pushing that I try harder to get along with her.

Im not trying to get the dr to see the truth because it will only look like im trying to run down my ex. Usually time brings the truth out about my ex but its been one and a half years and she still hasn't seen the light. I think my ex gets along with this dr because she can bully her, my ex has gone through 3 or 4 drs in 2 years because they wanted my daughter to be vaccinated while this dr has not pushed the issue. This dr really wants to see the good in everyone which is a good thing but people like my ex take advantage of that.

Any ideas how I should handle this dr when she suggests I work harder at getting along with my ex?

[bravhart1]

I'm not sure I'm clear about your situation. Your daughters medical dr is asking you to get along with the mother better?

I'm trying to think of a situation where our medical dr would advise us on our parenting relationship. They aren't therapists, and in the short fifteen minute visits that we have how would they know enough about your conflict, if you are there for your daughters medical appt?

I'm not being callus, I'm just trying to get a read on the situation. Is there something more about your daughter that I'm not understanding which makes the dr more involved in your personal life?

[scraps66]

In my experience the pediatricians want nothing to do with parental conflict.  Even if it has an influence on medical care.  They want to treat the child in the as-is condition without the influence of outside factors. 

Years ago my ex took our S10 to the Dr for a bowel control issue.  Her intention was to simply get his condition diagnosed as a "physical" condition.  So she makes the appointment giving me hours of notice while I am at work.  I can't go to the appt.  The pediatrician diagnosis his condition as a physical ailment.

What ex failed to indicate to the pediatrician was that the household was toxic.  The she was arguing in front of the children about things like, "where are you going to live Dad?"  Calling the cops on dad at her whim, and generally being confrontational all the time, in front of the kids.

So I talk to the pediatrician after the fact, and she tells me the same thing ex told me. he's got a physical problem and I would hear this repeated by ex on numerous occasions.  She basically set S10 up to eliminate any responsibility on her part.  It was all S10s issue.  It was clear that the pediatrician wanted nothing to do with the conflict and didn't even want to revisit her own diagnosis.

[enlighten me]

Ive had this. I spoke to the doctor and said that I was worried that my ex wasnt giving a full picture and that I believed she suffered from a mental health problem. The doctor looked a bit dubious. I said I wasnt saying this out of spite but because I feel it impacts on my son.

The doctor spoke to a nurse and the nurse later took me to one side and said she realised my ex may not pass on all the information so she gave me a phone number and email so I could contact them any time I had questions.

Its tough. It can be very easy to look like the crazy one. I think any medical professional worth their salt would look a bit closer at their behaviour.

[Eco]

I'm not sure I'm clear about your situation. Your daughters medical dr is asking you to get along with the mother better?

I'm trying to think of a situation where our medical dr would advise us on our parenting relationship. They aren't therapists, and in the short fifteen minute visits that we have how would they know enough about your conflict, if you are there for your daughters medical appt?

I'm not being callus, I'm just trying to get a read on the situation. Is there something more about your daughter that I'm not understanding which makes the dr more involved in your personal life?

Its not a normal situation for sure, my sons dr would never be having this kind of talk with me about his mom. This dr is from Nigeria and has practiced in mostly 3rd world countries so I think she is used to being more then just a dr and more personally involved. couple that with the fact that my ex likes to play the victim role and paint a nasty picture about how badly I have treated her to everyone who will listen.

So im sure my ex has done this to the dr and the dr is trying to get mom and dad to behave for the child's sake, What the dr doesn't get is that my ex refuses to get along with me.

In my experience the pediatricians want nothing to do with parental conflict.  Even if it has an influence on medical care.  They want to treat the child in the as-is condition without the influence of outside factors. 

Years ago my ex took our S10 to the Dr for a bowel control issue.  Her intention was to simply get his condition diagnosed as a "physical" condition.  So she makes the appointment giving me hours of notice while I am at work.  I can't go to the appt.  The pediatrician diagnosis his condition as a physical ailment.

What ex failed to indicate to the pediatrician was that the household was toxic.  The she was arguing in front of the children about things like, "where are you going to live Dad?"  Calling the cops on dad at her whim, and generally being confrontational all the time, in front of the kids.

So I talk to the pediatrician after the fact, and she tells me the same thing ex told me. he's got a physical problem and I would hear this repeated by ex on numerous occasions.  She basically set S10 up to eliminate any responsibility on her part.  It was all S10s issue.  It was clear that the pediatrician wanted nothing to do with the conflict and didn't even want to revisit her own diagnosis.

That's my experience as well ive never met a dr involved with personal issues like this before. I don't mind because I know her heart is in the right place I just wish she understood better

Ive had this. I spoke to the doctor and said that I was worried that my ex wasnt giving a full picture and that I believed she suffered from a mental health problem. The doctor looked a bit dubious. I said I wasnt saying this out of spite but because I feel it impacts on my son.

The doctor spoke to a nurse and the nurse later took me to one side and said she realised my ex may not pass on all the information so she gave me a phone number and email so I could contact them any time I had questions.

Its tough. It can be very easy to look like the crazy one. I think any medical professional worth their salt would look a bit closer at their behaviour.

That's what I have to do with this dr because my ex refuses to pass any info on to me about my daughter. Its in the court order that she does pass info on to me, just one more thing my ex doesn't follow in the court order that will be addressed when we go back to court.