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Author Topic: His tests came back abnormal  (Read 483 times)
ColdEthyl
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« on: June 10, 2015, 03:31:01 PM »

My husband got a letter from his doctor in the mail yesterday saying his labs came back abnormal and they would like for him to do several more Ultrasounds, redo labs, and make an appointment to see the doctor that day.

He freaked out the first thing he did was yell "See! See! I knew it! Abnormal... .pancreas... .oh great pancreatic cancer. One of the quickest cancers! I told you that you should have taken that life insurance policy on me"

His lab sheet said they suspect mild pancreatitis, and suggested if he's still drinking alcohol... .stop it. The doc is ordering ultrasounds on abdomen, carotid, and upper gi tract and some xrays.

From what reading I have done, I don't think this is going to be a big deal. He has no pain or anything at all. It sounds like diet change and some meds will clear it up. Possibly, gallstones can be causing the issue, too.

I know some of you have dealt with your pwBPD and their health issues, and I was looking for advice. There's a good part of me that's terrified because he's my husband and I love him, and with having an anxiety disorder I'm just not going to get around it. I know I have to be strong for him in front of him, to be reassuring and validating... .I just want to make sure I do that right.

All of this is being done the morning of the 16th and then we are seeing the doc for results that afternoon.

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maxsterling
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« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2015, 03:51:33 PM »

Oh, I feel for you 

pwBPD catastrophise, and it's hard for us nons to sort through what's real and what isn't when it comes to their health.  My wife's "go-to" ailment when something doesn't feel right and a doctor can't immediately identify it - early menopause.  Nearly impossible to get her off that train of thought.
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2015, 04:26:24 PM »

Oh, I feel for you 

pwBPD catastrophise, and it's hard for us nons to sort through what's real and what isn't when it comes to their health.  My wife's "go-to" ailment when something doesn't feel right and a doctor can't immediately identify it - early menopause.  Nearly impossible to get her off that train of thought.

I know  He told the doc he was experiencing shortness of breath, so they gave him some inhalers, and now he's saying he's suffering from the side effects... .all of them. Every medication he takes he 'suffers' from all of the side effects.

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maxsterling
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« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2015, 04:40:24 PM »

Oh, I feel for you 

pwBPD catastrophise, and it's hard for us nons to sort through what's real and what isn't when it comes to their health.  My wife's "go-to" ailment when something doesn't feel right and a doctor can't immediately identify it - early menopause.  Nearly impossible to get her off that train of thought.

I know  He told the doc he was experiencing shortness of breath, so they gave him some inhalers, and now he's saying he's suffering from the side effects... .all of them. Every medication he takes he 'suffers' from all of the side effects.

Egad.  I know this.  W won't even try an SSRI anymore because she claims she experiences side effects (sex drive and weight gain), and they don't really work.  I'm thinking at one time she had a friend warn her or read an article or book about SSRIs.  I don't understand this attitude.   When I am depressed, nothing else matters.  My sex drive is already non-existent from being depressed!  And my wife eats when she is depressed... .
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« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2015, 05:46:55 PM »

   
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2015, 07:36:08 PM »

   That is scary... .even without dysregulation and catastrofication [is that a word? If so, did I spell it right?] by your husband.

Hang in there. You will have the next step of real news on the 16th.

What can you do to help your own attitude/sanity going through this?
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vortex of confusion
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« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2015, 08:30:05 PM »

 

Would it help you to research the possibilities for yourself? I find that the more information that I have, the less anxious that I am. Knowledge is power.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Reminds me of a song. . ."The Waiting is the hardest part. . ."
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2015, 01:37:29 PM »

Excerpt
Would it help you to research the possibilities for yourself? I find that the more information that I have, the less anxious that I am. Knowledge is power.  grin

Reminds me of a song. . ."The Waiting is the hardest part. . ."

Ahhh good ol Tom Petty, a favorite.

I also feel better with knowledge. Based on everything I've read, I'm not too concerned logically, I'm just terrified emotionally. I have learned a long time ago how to compartmentalize those two things, although knowing doesn't always stop the feeling part of things.

Excerpt
What can you do to help your own attitude/sanity going through this?

In times of stress, I usually just focus in on the other person. I put all of my energy into staying clam on the outside and being the strong one for everyone else. It's the only way I know how to cope with anything that avoids anxiety/panic attacks. It sounds... .contradictory, but it's true.

I don't have anyone really to talk to about how I feel about besides here... .but that always helps. I have talked to my 2 co-workers in the same office as I. Both of them have had family members with pancreatitis and those people experienced excruciating pain. My H has no symptoms, so that made me feel a little better.

I'm anxious to get this done. I hate waiting.

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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2015, 01:48:00 PM »

So sorry you are in the holding pattern. It's hard enough to be there with a non, but having to be supportive of a pwBPD is really tough.   

My husband landed in the ER probably almost 20 years ago with pancreatitis and since then hasn't had a recurrence. I do worry about the condition of his pancreas and his liver with his regular alcohol abuse, but that's his choice and nothing I tried to do about it helped.

Hopefully it will be no big deal for your husband, but it will be a wakeup call about not drinking to excess.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
ColdEthyl
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« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2015, 03:21:31 PM »

So sorry you are in the holding pattern. It's hard enough to be there with a non, but having to be supportive of a pwBPD is really tough.   

My husband landed in the ER probably almost 20 years ago with pancreatitis and since then hasn't had a recurrence. I do worry about the condition of his pancreas and his liver with his regular alcohol abuse, but that's his choice and nothing I tried to do about it helped.

Hopefully it will be no big deal for your husband, but it will be a wakeup call about not drinking to excess.

That's the next hurdle. He says he will slow down and stop... .but I'm not sure he will. He says a lot of things that he means at the time.
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #10 on: June 15, 2015, 09:39:38 AM »

The big day is tomorrow. This weekend was full of short answers and silence. He's not angry at me or being rude... .but I know he's scared. He has drank once since the letter, so that's pretty good. Tomorrow he won't have anything to eat, drink or smoke for half of the day until testing is complete, so I'm hoping with the environment he can keep his behavior in check.

It's going to be a long night for me as well. I am fighting my own anxiety, knowing there's no reason to worry until you actually have some information, but it's tough. My ex-husband died last year at 42 from lung cancer, and my current H has early COPD. I want to smash all of the cigarettes in the world and flush them down the toilet  I hope he stops smoking like he said. I hope he stops drinking like he said. I hope we go to counseling like he said.

And I know with pwBPD... .what they say isn't always what they do.

*Sigh* One day at a time. Thanks for giving me a place to safely vent, and thank you everyone for your support. My mental health would be a lot worse if it wasn't for you guys 
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2015, 12:52:08 PM »

I totally get the feeling of frustration of hoping that your husband follows through on his promises of healthier behavior.

On a related note, that the government criminalizes the use of marijuana, yet supports alcohol and cigarettes makes my head explode. I'd much rather, if I have to be around a substance user, be around a pothead rather than an alcoholic. They drive more carefully and don't have irrational anger issues.

Good luck with his test results. I hope whatever the tests show that this is a wakeup call for him to take better care of himself.

   
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
ColdEthyl
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« Reply #12 on: June 15, 2015, 01:06:27 PM »

I totally get the feeling of frustration of hoping that your husband follows through on his promises of healthier behavior.

On a related note, that the government criminalizes the use of marijuana, yet supports alcohol and cigarettes makes my head explode. I'd much rather, if I have to be around a substance user, be around a pothead rather than an alcoholic. They drive more carefully and don't have irrational anger issues.

Good luck with his test results. I hope whatever the tests show that this is a wakeup call for him to take better care of himself.

   

*Nods* I totally agree with you, thanks for the support. It's sad really, but eventually the older generation will die off and they will legalize it. Alcohol is so much worse.

I hope his testing shows nothing... .but at the same time I hope there's a little something so he will stick to what he said. Isn't that horrible? Part of me actually hopes there's a small thing wrong with him  
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« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2015, 01:39:50 PM »

I know exactly what you mean. You just want him to be more responsible in taking care of that wondrous thing that so many take for granted--the human body. I felt the same way when my husband was hospitalized with potential heart issues--it turned out to be related to a cracked rib that he had some months previously--costochondroitis--an inflammation of connective tissue. So he didn't get a wakeup call after all.  PD traits
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
ColdEthyl
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« Reply #14 on: June 17, 2015, 01:01:08 PM »

Well we got everything done and his labs looked good this time, and everything cam back normal. You would think this would make him happy... .that finally he can quit worrying now that he has a solid answer but no. It has not gone that way at all. He hasn't been this dysregulated since we moved 2 years ago.

He was up all night, and he knew we had a noon appointment today to look at a charter school for S10 to go to this year. I woke up several times during the night, and several times he tried to talk to me about whatever nonsense he was reading on the Internet. When I got up for work, he was all for going to that appointment today. He said he was going, he said it was important etc

Then the conversation got weird. He started talking about how bad the area was... .but we should go. He exclaimed how he told me it was a bad idea from the beginning... .but we should go.

It was... .weird like he was audibly arguing with himself.  His thoughts were fragmented, etc

Finally, I told him we will not go. We talked about it a few times, and it was sort of a "Hey let's just see what they have to say" type of situation. I wasn't going to commit to anything or make a decision... .I wanted to go for information. But, I know most likely it wasn't going to work out.

He starts crying... .saying I must hate him because he talked me out of it. I used a lot of SET... .he was a wreck. He though he was being the 'bad guy' because he thought it was going to be a bad place for him.

I told him... .like we already had before that this was a joint decision about our son and I valued his opinion. It was ok. S10 didn't want to change schools anyways... .he does well where he's at.

I couldn't even follow what he was trying to communicate... .he kept saying things that contradicted each other.

I think he might have fell asleep now. Since I got to work he's been texting me... .complaining about how much milk was used today... .then telling me he helped S10 get the dog in the house, how he talked to D15 about his test results and he made her laugh... .how nervous he was talking to her because she's a teen (ongoing theme)

... .He's been all over the place today. I have done a good job of SET... .he's been painting me white since last night. I'm not sure if this is all extra emotion he has built up that's just flooding out now that the doctor's visit is over or if it's because of the changes we have been talking about that are scaring him (no more soda, stop smoking, stop drinking, exercise, etc)

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« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2015, 02:00:10 PM »

Hi ColdEthyl,

could it be that he is struggling with regulating anxiety/relief since he was scared to death for a longer time? Anxiety still rushing through his veins? Relief somewhere too. All loud. All jumping all over the emotional landscape?
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2015, 02:37:30 PM »

Hi ColdEthyl,

could it be that he is struggling with regulating anxiety/relief since he was scared to death for a longer time? Anxiety still rushing through his veins? Relief somewhere too. All loud. All jumping all over the emotional landscape?

That's what I'm thinking. He had a hard time letting me leave work. All I could do was kiss him and tell him I will see him as soon as I can. It was hard to leave him like that but I hope he calms down by the time I come home. If not, I'm fully prepared to just listen to him. If he wants to talk for hours he can do that.
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2015, 09:14:21 AM »

He's a lot better today. He's still committed to changing our lifestyle. He did want to talk when I got home for a few hours then we watched a movie and snuggled together. His spirits were back to 'normal' this morning. I believe it was a valve release for him like an0nught suggested.
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