Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 03:32:41 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: 180  (Read 373 times)
rarsweet
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 592


180
« on: June 10, 2015, 08:42:39 PM »

Since we reached an agreement last week, ex has invited me to the park, asked me how he could get into the school I am  going to, asked me if he could take the CPR class I did, asked me legal advice about him moving out of his dads, sent me a pic of an apartment he looked at, asked my opinion , and then tonight he ran into daughter and I at ice cream shop, and then texted me" good job with everythinglately, I know I haven't made it easy, daughter looked cute as always" oh and he asked me to keep daughter longer tomorrow because he has an appointment. And he went to my moms work and asked her if she would babysit for him once he got a job, he actually texted me that he was asking my mom while he was in her work Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). I am boggled.
Logged
GaGrl
Ambassador
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5722



« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2015, 09:19:43 PM »

Well, reality hit after the mediation, so he has to back up and figure a few things out.

Be wary. Stick to your side of the agreement.
Logged


"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
DearBFF
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 195


« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2015, 09:32:44 PM »

 rarsweet!  *Wow*    That, is AWESOME!  As always with BPD, I'd be wary, not to put all of the eggs in the basket so to speak but that is so promising.  :)o you know if he is in treatment and he has been diagnosed?  It sounds like maybe something clicked... .that is a very calm and thoughtful type of discussion and question asking.  Which doesn't particularly go with their mostly impulsive ways.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that this continues in a positive direction!

On my end a few hours ago undiagnosed BPD BFF sends me a text asking if I'm alright after I posted about my ups and downs this week with some physical issues.  She said we can maybe get together with our girls sometime in the next two days.  Maybe usually means no so I'm not holding my breathe, but I thought she wasn't speaking to me so that's something.     I haven't however told my munchkin, as I don't want to get her hopes up as they've been let down too many times before.

I'm wondering rarsweet, if you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter?  Mine is 4.5 years old and my BFF's is 3.  I know how much my BFF loves my daughter, and our daughters both call us their aunts.  With her splitting and transference though she sometimes pushes me away and sometimes simply doesn't show up when she makes plans with us.  I worry about how this effects my daughter, and that she may not want to make friends in the future thinking that they'll just leave her since when BFF pushes me away she takes daughter with her.

Has your ex's BPD effected your daughter negatively and what does she understand about it?  Whenever we hang out with BFF and she's snapping about little inconsequential things I always whisper to my daughter ASAP you didn't do anything wrong, it's ok and distract her to avoid tears which usually makes BFF more upset.  Other than that though I've never really explained BPD to her since she's only 4.5 I think it might be tough to understand.

As for BFF's daughter I feel for her... .my understanding is that one of the greatest factors in possibly developing BPD later in life is an invalidating environment as a child; the example I always see is a child cries and the parent's reaction doesn't match. They don't ask why are you said, or say it will be ok.  My BFF's reaction is to yell, a lot, until she stops.  Last time it happened in front of me she grabbed her daughter's arm, causing her daughter to cry even more because she said her arm hurt.  She is with her mom about 4 days a week and with her father about 4 days.  I'm pretty sure that her father is undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  They are going through a divorce now and I worry for the little one with her being in the middle of all of this.  I'm also pretty sure that BFF's mom is also undiagnosed Borderline, possibly one sibling as well.  I've been wanting to discuss BPD with BFF not just or her sake, but for her entire family and most of all for her daughter.  If she knew that her behavior could have any ill effect to bring about the hurt/pain she feels on her daughter in the future, I know she would want to do anything to work on that.

Love to hear your thoughts and any advice would be great!  Thanks in advance!
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!