BPD BM punishing SS15

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My DH has sole custody and last week SS15 texted BM to tell her he would not move back with her. A year ago he had placated her by telling her he'd spend the year with us until she got back on her feet after a stint in jail. But with counseling and a lot of support, he was finally strong enough to tell her his decision. She had a meltdown, had his younger half sister bombard him with texts, and accused my DH of PAS.

After everything calmed back down, SS has been in a great mood, like a weight was lifted off of him. He talked to his counselor and she supported his decision and was very pleased with how he handled himself.

Yesterday he seemed a little off, and went to sleep really early without eating dinner. DH talked to him this morning and he said he was fine. But he just came down to tell me that BM posted on FB that the family dog will have to be put down soon. I asked if she had called or texted him, but no, just posted it on FB. He hasn't had any contact with her since last week. That b#%!h is punishing him, and sticking the knife in in a public forum. But of course she just looks like a distraught mom. I'd like to strangle her.

He's not seeing his counselor for a couple of weeks due to summer scheduling. I'm not sure how to support him. I validated his sadness about the dog - we have three dogs and three cats, so obviously we get that loss. But, how to tell whether this sadness is also an extension about BM's actions, especially if he doesn't talk about it?

[PinkieV]

My DH has sole custody and last week SS15 texted BM to tell her he would not move back with her. A year ago he had placated her by telling her he'd spend the year with us until she got back on her feet after a stint in jail. But with counseling and a lot of support, he was finally strong enough to tell her his decision. She had a meltdown, had his younger half sister bombard him with texts, and accused my DH of PAS.

After everything calmed back down, SS has been in a great mood, like a weight was lifted off of him. He talked to his counselor and she supported his decision and was very pleased with how he handled himself.

Yesterday he seemed a little off, and went to sleep really early without eating dinner. DH talked to him this morning and he said he was fine. But he just came down to tell me that BM posted on FB that the family dog will have to be put down soon. I asked if she had called or texted him, but no, just posted it on FB. He hasn't had any contact with her since last week. That b#%!h is punishing him, and sticking the knife in in a public forum. But of course she just looks like a distraught mom. I'd like to strangle her.

He's not seeing his counselor for a couple of weeks due to summer scheduling. I'm not sure how to support him. I validated his sadness about the dog - we have three dogs and three cats, so obviously we get that loss. But, how to tell whether this sadness is also an extension about BM's actions, especially if he doesn't talk about it?

[Slate78]

Amazing. Our BM did the same with two different family pets the month after my step-kids moved out. I'm always amazed by how similar the tactics are. In our case BM's hysterics and immediate replacement of the pets further estranged the kids from her. For your SS - nothing you can do but allow him his sadness. I'm so sorry he is going through this. Manipulation at its worst.

[PinkieV]

Thanks Slate78. I spoke with a good friend who's ex is uNPD, and he's done the same thing to her boys. DH and I realized this is the third time she's pulled this stunt - with the same dog. The first time she was in jail, and wrote it in a card. Last year was when we made him come home at the scheduled time over summer visitation. I think she realizes there's nothing else that will really get to him and that she's lost "the battle" for him. He doesn't care much for his younger sister - we call her the minion - and his older brother is NC with her. The rest of her family is NC as well, and we keep in touch with them. That poor dog is the last link. Wish I could rescue him!