I want one hour...

[bravhart1]

In my fantasy of how things could be better with BPDm, I would get one hour with the judge in our case.

Just me and him, on my sofa, letting me tell the unfettered version of how it's been, what she is doing to SD and what I believe the outcome will be long term for SD if the courts do not do something to protect her. In all the time we have spent in court, with attorneys and mediation and counseling, wouldn't it be just all around more efficient if we could just sit with the judge and show him our true situation?

I know he would have to get "proof" of all that's said, etc. but I don't care, it's my fantasy. LOL

What's your fantasy fix?

[Nope]

My fantasy fix is that BPD mom gets dumped by the boyfriend who is currently saving her from all of the consequences of years of terrible decisions. She is left with no one and nowhere to go. She is brought so low and so utterly personally decimated that she finally has no choice but to look inward and actually get some help.

See, my fantasy is equally unrealistic.

[GaGrl]

DH's ex, The Dark Princess, drives away the few family members and acquaintances who still have anything to do with her, runs out of money (because she won't use banks or investment vehicles and instead puts cash in a safe in her closet), discovers she has an illness that needs treatment (because she thinks health insurance is a waste of money). So she realizes that the only way she can live on the social security payments based on her marriage to DH is to MOVE BACK TO HER HOME COUNTRY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD!

Sigh... .

Although it's not completely impossible... .

[bravhart1]

What about if the BPD person in your life had to watch themselves for one day in their worst moment through the lens ( mind) of someone who is sane and normal, like say a therapist who would be thinking of all the ways they are messed up?

[ForeverDad]

"My ex made me do it!"

"My ex is worse than me!"

"You're on ex's side!"

Blaming, blame-shifting, etc.  I believe my ex knows what she's done, otherwise how could she so expertly maneuvered and manipulated the system?  We had several major court cases (2006-08 divorce, 2009-11 seeking custody, 2012-13 seeking majority time) and each time her position as parent was weakened.  Something as impactful and lengthy as that simply had to get through to my ex, right?  No, she still blames me for what I did to her.  Just a couple weeks ago my son, now a teenager, said she stated she never loved me when we were married.  Hmm.  It was a 15 year marriage, 18 years if you include the lengthy divorce.  We were married over ten years before we went to a reproductive clinic to have a child - and she wasn't in love?  Talk about rewriting history... .

[Nope]

Something as impactful and lengthy as that simply had to get through to my ex, right?  No, she still blames me for what I did to her.

Despite this, I do secretly wish (not hope, because that's useless) that she could finally "get it". She had two of her kids that she's raised from birth moved three states away from her and she wasn't given any summer parenting time in her state. What she has said to the kids about it is that their father wanted them to live with him, so he took them. As though it was as simple as that.

DH just sent her the email regarding the kid's summer schedules yesterday. she acted like he committed some crime by not letting her know what their schedules were so that she could "make plans". DH acted like the kids summer schedules were not an issue because the weekend each month that she is supposed to be able to see them in our state (that she hasn't used even once yet) is wide open for her to do so. After that, the next email proved to be a huge shift in her usually very entitled email patterns. Like it just finally sunk in that she wasn't going to be rescued by DH and will not be getting any summer parenting time in her state.