He really likes to mystify things

[misuniadziubek]

I noticed that when talking about our relationship my BPDbf tends to make these really extreme magical expressions of what our relationship is.

He sent me a song that pretty much discusses enmeshment.

And it's like, I don't see it that way. Relationships are not mystical magical things. They are work. They are commitment. They are passionate as a result of our personal needs and having someone create a chemical reaction in your head.

I don't want the enmeshment or the codependency. He messaged me that he's upset and I wanted to fix it instantly. Then I remembered that it's not my purpose. I can validate. I can't fix. He can fix.

He says we have an amazing connection, that I'm his number one. That we are a unit, a team. On each other's side.

Yes it sounds wonderful. I can be his emotional support. But it's also just words. If we want things to get better, that will require work. He's somewhat trying. He looked up effective cg communication strategies and then poked and prodded at each time I broke a rule, completely ignoring his own 'inflammatory remarks'.

Our relationship isn't a fairy tale gone wrong.

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[vortex of confusion]

I can relate to this.

It is difficult to explain to my husband that our relationship isn't some kind of magical thing.

He has said some of the following in various forms:

"you really do complete me."-- Sorry dude, we don't complete each other. We are each unique individuals. Two people should compliment each other, NOT complete each other. I am a whole person with or without our relationship.

"I see you as my higher power."--This one is just plain creepy! I tried to tell him one time that I do NOT want to be anybody's higher power. yes, I will support him and help him but I am NOT a friggin' God.

"We were meant for each other. I don't think anybody else would put up with either of us." --Um, okay. A lot of people put up with me and seem to enjoy my company. I bought into that for a while. I have tried to redirect it and say something along the lines of, "Um, that is a bit irrelevant. I chose you and I will continue to choose you."

There was a time when I thought that kind of stuff was cute and romantic. Now, I find it annoying and creepy.

[Jessica84]

The idealization/devaluation phases are both mystical to me and hell to experience. Just when you get used to being the princess on a pedestal, they throw a bucket of water on us to melt our witchy selves. Goddess one second, creature from hell the next.  Neither of these reflect the truth or reality of us or our relationships. All good or all bad, and subject to change at any given moment.

We're all mere mortals, capable of good and evil and everywhere in between, with strengths and weaknesses and our own unique disturbing and wonderful nonsense.  

Not black, not white, grey! I wish they could see in GREY!

[mindwise]

Same here. My BPDgf says things like "You are my god" or "You are my divine brother", "We are in the path of becoming saints", etc.

Tonight she had a nightmare and as we woke up she started talking about "superior universes".

I am ok with mysticism and spirituality but have to remind her daily that we are a couple of adults in a relatiosnhip.     

[waverider]

"Bonded at the hip" is what I get told. I simply clarify that I am an individual sharing my life with someone, I am not grafted to anyone.

How can you be "one" with someone who doesn't really know who they are themselves. I guess thats why being at one with you gives them a point of reference.

[misuniadziubek]

"Bonded at the hip" is what I get told. I simply clarify that I am an individual sharing my life with someone, I am not grafted to anyone.

How can you be "one" with someone who doesn't really know who they are themselves. I guess thats why being at one with you gives them a point of reference.

Yeah you know, thinking about it, how can you be a unit with someone. He says he is in a until with his best friend too.

It's more or less a person who sticks by for years rather than a few months and understands and puts up with him. I'm sure I work hard at being a good partner to him and he appreciates it but there is no unit. Just two people in a meaningful relationship. Life is less scary with me around because I have a sense of self.

[enlighten me]

I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.

[waverider]

I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.

Black and white thinking needs conclusions not open ended speculation. magical thinking creates that delusional end place making it appear achievable and desirable.  The alternative is hopelessness and depression.

[misuniadziubek]

I do sometimes wonder why people would rather believe in magical thinking rather than the reality. I guess that sometimes it is too incomprehensible to them. Like lightning was the work of a norse god rather than an electrical build up. Maybe they just dont have the comprehession to explain it any other way or maybe they are just trying to make their happily ever after fantasy a reality.

Black and white thinking needs conclusions not open ended speculation. magical thinking creates that delusional end place making it appear achievable and desirable.  The alternative is hopelessness and depression.

Waverider, my BPDbf couldn't have put that last sentence better than that...