Withering Ego

[noomartn]

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my BPDbf for two years, at least. I have (had) a strong personality and above average social skills, that is, until I began assessing our relationship model.

I believe i have inherited at least some general anxiety from my severely OCD or OCPD mother. It has been relatively under control, until i entered the realm of psychological revelations that are my mid 20s. Between my environment and my genetics and my tender brain age, i have been withdrawing further and further into the dark, isolated reaches of my psyche. I have lost some friends, and some of my humanity, it seems.

I have, without a doubt, been an ENABLER and this has been a CODEPENDANT relationship. I was the first to suspect my s/o suffered from BPD. After he was committed sometime later he was properly diagnosed. Because i cast suspicions first, a lot of expectations were assigned, that is: "Since you knew this was the case first, you must have a plan." That's when i believe i became "obsessed" with "aiding" his recovery, and "figuring him out." Bad first steps. Now I'm at the stage where I'm asking "who's BPD here again?" My identity and my interests are fading.

A year later i am currently weighing my options, stay or go. Both will require an overhaul of both of our behaviors. (Mine more centrally, for sure.) With this delima in mind, i decided to join this forum. Here i am.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[married21years]

hi and good luck,

you seem to be in the undecided camp.

we are all here for you

i have co dependency and i am in therapy for it 

[waverider]

Dealing with BPD can be overwhelming and we can struggle to find our role to play

Do you still have a belief that you can "fix" him, or are you more focused on protecting yourself from the consequence of this disorder.

Does your inability to fix him in itself cause you self doubt? It is outside your scope of expertise to fix him, this is something you will need to accept. Your goal is to create a safer environment rather than try to force a "normal" one

OCPD will tend to cause you to micromanage him, hence down the path to enabling. OCD would more likely paralyze you with anxiety

Start by working through the Lessons on the right. Particularly the section Understanding your role in the relationship