Silent treatment and 'friendly indifference" again and again...

[SybilVane]

Again, because of a stupid discussion, my BPDbf is imposing me the silent treatment. It's not the first, second or third time.

He complained because I took about one hour and a half to reply one of his messages (we had have a ittle discussion before, but it was already solved at this time, at least it was what I thought). After this taking a big proportion, he started to demand me to shut up and to insult me; I tried to show him I took only one hour and a half to answer, but he argued it was three hours (!) and insisted that I had created the other problem earlier because I was planning to go out and drink (totally absurd link)

I sent him a mail explaining everything, and he answered one of his classic replies "we love each other but we have no future", without insults, only a 'superior' behaviour I mailed him again and no answer - more than 32 hours ago. And until now, nothing, no answer - and I am very very upset since we lived in different countries and last week I just bought the ticktes to visit him - 11 hours by plane.

I'm so angry, frustrated, so sad... nothing makes me feel worst than silent treatement. I feel castrated, I feel violated, I feel I have somthing inside my throath that suffocates me.

Please help. My friends tell e it's the better time to finish this relationship and cancel the tickets once for all. I really would like to have this courage, but I feel so coward, it's difficult to do that when there's love. Everytime he regrests and apologize for his 'reactions', but silent treatment is much worse than any discussion, even if there are offenses and insults.

I feel paralysed, I cry all the day, I can't sleep or eating. Please, help me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Daniell85]

Are you doing ok? Have you heard from him?

I am having some of the same problems. My boyfriend doesn't argue over the things your does. He usually gets overwhelmed, lashes out, then runs off and hides until I take responsibility for what he did and he "forgives" me and comes back.

Right now I am sitting tight. It's been 18 days.

That feeling you are having, I know it well, it's horrible.

How soon do you need to make a decision about the plane tickets, in terms of returning them?

[DearBFF]

No real advice to offer except try to find something distracting and or lookup mindfulness and try to use a body scan to get some relief/sleep.

Other than that, I'm sorry and 

Take care of yourself

[vortex of confusion]

   

This sounds very difficult.

Do you have access to any resources such as friends or a counselor or anybody else that you can talk to that will be supportive of you?

If he is giving you the silent treatment, you might want to check out some of the lessons to the right. In the Lesson on Surviving confrontation and disrespect, there is a link to more information about the silent treatment. Here is the link: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68733.0

If you want to stay in the relationship, now would be a good time to read, read, read and get a grip on what it will take to be in a relationship with somebody that has BPD or BPD traits.

[gah]

Hurts.  Silence is the worst... .

VOC - great link!  Thanks!  You're always so supportive.

[gah]

SybilV,

This is a great place to vent and get advice. 

I have learned that no one gets this illness unless you're living it.  Your friends likely know you're hurting and just want to help you with the pain.  Everyone is telling me to run away while I have the chance.  I feel very alone, worried that I'm not normal since everyone else says to bail, but I do love him and we were good together.  BPD is about pain and trauma, but keeping yourself in serenity is important. My best friend who has been through everything with me told me in the start of my relationship with uBPD Bf that she won't be there at the end.  (long story) And she is keeping her boundary.  So I feel like crap without him and her too - she's been my rock.  I'm lucky I have a friend who's husband has BPD and the family has all done intensive therapy.  If it wasn't for her... . 

Sometimes I feel incredibly lonely and I go to al-anon groups to help with co-dependency issues.  It feels good to be around people who do not judge and genuinely care.  My uBPD Bf is not a drinker nor are my parents.  There are some similar behaviours and you learn coping strategies that could help keep your serenity.  My therapist sent me knowing that addiction is not in my family.

One of the things I'm doing right now - not sure if it's the right thing - but is keeping things light, not talking about us, not asking him to do stuff (pressure) and he seems to be in better spirits and reaches out more.  Just hoping he regulates more before deep dive convos. 



If you accept hugs - sounds like you might need one.  So here's a big one!