trying to provoke me

[married21years]

she is trying to provoke me by telling me she has told our daughter everything about her past.

this was a unilateral decision with unilateral consequences.

this is completely unacceptable and the consequences of her actions are hers and hers alone

i am NC now and may not go back for my daughters graduation next week

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

What is so bad about her past that you don't want your daughter to know?

It is your wife's past. It seems like she should be able to choose who she shares that with. I am having a difficult time understanding why you have such a problem with her sharing information about her past. It is her past and should not reflect on you at all unless you were a part of it. Even then, you are only responsible for your part, not hers.

How would your daughter feel if dad skipped her graduation? Is it from high school or college? Have you spoken with your daughter about this possibility?

[an0ught]

Hi married21years,

we all have made mistakes in the past (and will do in the future) and experience a certain amount of shame      .

Your wife is afraid of you and has blown whatever material she had, likely added some distortion and dumped in D. That was unfair to D and unfair to you . Whatever it is remember JADE won't make it any better. Also keep in mind that you may well be over-reacting exactly as your wife baits you to do. Wife gloats for scoring points. You feel devastated. D simply heard a story and will build her own view based on your behavior in the past and in the future towards her. Your behavior counts 10 times more than words from your wife as it is always for words vs. behavior.

this is completely unacceptable and the consequences of her actions are hers and hers alone

You staying away will be a consequence mainly for D and possibly has lifelong consequences for your relationship with D. Staying away confirms the truth of her words.


You can let this false shame steer you and stay away. But then the only adult in the family would be missing 

[married21years]

i know she has lied about being raped, and also being abused by her mother.

i am sure this is what she has tole our daughter.

the last thing i wanted was our daughter to find out about this and then have to find out it is all lies to get sympathy.

this is an awful thing to have to deal with.

the wife also says her therapist says she dosnt have BPD after 2 sessions.

she has admitted that during that MC sessions last year that turned into therapy for her she avoided taking it seriously and didn't put any effort in. she used these two lies to to control me and therapy and the empathy i had for her false pain and suffering almost destroyed me.

she did all this so she didnt have to come clean about a smear campaign she had waged destroying my life in a small community.