I think I made a tiny bit of progress

[Hmcbart]

After refjecting on yesterday's events, I believe I ultimately made a small bit of progress.

Yesterday when she tried to hand me her problem and the blame for them, I didn't accept them. I offered support but not to save the day (her day). Later that evening when she was raging at my our oldest son, I saw it for what it was and interceded so she could be angry at me instead. She went upstairs and threw a tantrum and a lamp but I didn't chase after her to stop her. She never came back down to talk so I left her alone.

To top it off, as the boys were getting ready for bed and the youngest was bad at the oldest for something he had done earlier. Wife was discussing it with them (calmly this time) and when I came up and heard the problem she and I were on the same page with the punishment. The punishment was actually quite funny I'll have to post about that later.

But that was a small amount of progress. Granted this morning so far it's the silent treatment but I knew that was coming because I didn't let her rage at our son and didn't follow her upstairs to let her rage at me.

I won't have to deal with silent treatment for longer than Sunday because s12 and I are going to be at Boy Scout camp from Sunday until next Saturday.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CastleofGlass]

Sounds like a step in the right direction Hmcbart. I applaud your intervention between your son and wife. I didn't have the opportunity to yesterday in that situation (made a post this morning about my situation) but glad you were able to do that.

That camping trip will be a nice break from normal stressors. Make the most of it and enjoy your bonding time!

[an0ught]

Hi Hmcbart,

this sounds really healthy. Well healthy on your side that is  . But then this is the only side you control. It'll take a while for the healthy to be transmitted to the other side. Took a while to get the unhealthy transmitted to us and adopted so why should the other direction go faster.

Enjoy the camp!

a0

[waverider]

She will think you are angry at her and defensiveness will keep her angry at you. Keep this behavior consistent and dont be angry back and eventually she will be less defensive and with it her anger will dissipate quicker.

[Hmcbart]

Not sure what happened but the zero to 100 differences always amaze me. I can home from work and my wife and s12 were sitting at the table working in his merit badge stuff. No screaming and no tears. She was in a good mood and seemed happy. It is actually a bit scary when this happens, I know it's not going to last but because of how quick it went from bad to good, you know the trip back can be just as quick.

But I'm going to enjoy the cease fire as long as it lasts.

[vortex of confusion]

Not sure what happened but the zero to 100 differences always amaze me. I can home from work and my wife and s12 were sitting at the table working in his merit badge stuff. No screaming and no tears. She was in a good mood and seemed happy. It is actually a bit scary when this happens, I know it's not going to last but because of how quick it went from bad to good, you know the trip back can be just as quick.

But I'm going to enjoy the cease fire as long as it lasts.

One of the things that I have learned is to work twice as hard on myself when things are calm and peaceful. That helps me to build up mental reserves so that when things do go south again I can do a better job of not getting reactive and defensive. Like waverider says, keeping your behavior consistent helps.