So lost

[Upside]

Hi, I feel like I'm to blame for being in the situation that I'm in because I knew my husband had BPD before I married him. He's lied, raged, fled without a trace for days and I broke up the engagement for these reasons. But after ignoring his pleas for a second chance and promises to get help and do anything that he has to do, I let him back in. Now, we are married and he hasn't had any form of sex with me for 2-3 months but I found him sexting his ex and arranging to meet up with her. Again, I feel like I knew better but was being hopefu and prayerful and still am but feeling stupid in the intrim

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 



Welcome to the forums!

I am so sorry that things have turned out this way for you. I sometimes think that people get caught up in magical thinking. It is this idea that is kind of like, "If I do X, then things will get better." I have been guilty of thinking that things were might fault and that I should have known better than to do something.

Here is the thing. They can be very convincing and are really good at creating confusion for you.

How much do you know about BPD? The reading resources available don't quite capture how confusion and difficult it can be to try to live with somebody with BPD. Even if you know a lot about BPD, you might want to start out by reading through some of the lessons. I have been here almost a year and am still finding little gems of wisdom in the lessons.

[123Phoebe]

Hi there Upside; really glad you found us   It must've been a shock to find he's been sexting his ex, such a betrayal :'(

I feel like I knew better but was being hopefu and prayerful and still am

Are you up for expanding on this a bit?  It really helps to get some of our inner thoughts out of our heads and into written word, especially in a safe place where people understand; we do!

Hang in there, okay?  

Is your husband aware of you finding the texts?  Has any of this been discussed between you two?

[married21years]

we are here for you

all in the same boat 

we all been there   

[mindwise]

... .I found him sexting his ex and arranging to meet up with her.

This is very inappropriate and disrespectful, I am sorry you are going through this.

Have you discussed this with him?

You'll find good support her, keep posting

[sweetheart]

Hello Upside, 

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time and that your husbands behaviour is causing you so much pain.

I too knew my dBPDh had BPD when I met him and I went ahead and married him. I was quite ignorant to what BPD would mean to our marriage.

Coming to this forum and starting to read about the illness and then read some more has really helped me make sense of some of my h's behaviours and also allowed me a place to share my sadness and ongoing dilemmas with people who can relate.

Posting here will help you lots, so spend some time with the lessons, here is a link to get you started; https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206