Welcome here, Odysseus!
I'm so sorry about what you're dealing with right now. That sounds heartbreaking.
I don't have a lot of advice to offer you, but I have a few questions. Is she allowed to take your son, legally? Has she cheated on you before? Has she moved out on you before?
I don't think it's your fault she is behaving this cruelly to you. Laughing at your tears is extremely hurtful. That's not okay. Being irritable sometimes is normal. Don't blame yourself for her unkindness and dysregulation. If anything, her mother's abuse was more likely to contribute to this breakdown.
I'm sure other members will be along to offer more advice. Be gentle with yourself, this is difficult enough without beating yourself up with blame.
Thanks for your response. I'm not sure how the legality of taking my son out of the country works. I will check into that once I get some solid ground under my feet. My objection to her leaving him in the car alone when he was an infant and raged at my objections saying that I was an over protective fearful american. He was left in the car for 15 minutes, with the tinted windows closed, with a dog that just bit her friend in the face the previous day... .while she had to go buy makeup. Her unwillingness led to my setting a boundary that it wasn't okay with me and that perhaps I could have picked up her makeup for her... .didn't matter. Silent treatment and threatening to leave the relationship was her response.
Then suddenly all is forgotten 3 days later. This pattern ensued for years. She has threatened to leave probably 20 times. But now her mother bought her a house and she can do it comfortably. But there is a pool... .and my little boy can't swim... .and there is no gate around it so if he goes outside he will indeed want to explore... .being a young curious boy... .I guess I'm just being an overprotective american.
I've gone through begging, to apologizing for all of it. I'm realizing that the pattern is that she is willing to blame me for everything and I'm willing to accept responsibility for it.
And... .the crazy thing is that if she said she wouldnt leave, I would feel like the happiest person on the planet. I'm also realizing that this trance that I go into has to do with the same trance I went in to please a mother who threatened and would abandon me for hours... .trying to figure out what I did wrong and apologizing when she returned... .but not knowing for what... .but hatever it was that caused her to leave... .I was sorry.