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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: self awareness?  (Read 351 times)
rarsweet
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 592


« on: July 01, 2015, 11:21:35 PM »

So ex asked about the child development program I do with daughter. I told him what I have learned there and I got into trauma, abuse, etc and the effects on kids brains, elevated cortisol, and how I had been doing more research on it. SHOCKER... .he said " wow wonder if that's my problem being brought up by my dad". I was just kind of speachless and moved into something else. Am I overreacting hoping for a lightbulb moment? Or do we just become like our own parents?
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12105


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2015, 01:47:29 AM »

I'd run with that... .with caution. Learn the tools on the staying board. You may open up a dialog.

Sure,.you're not his T, nor would you want to be. My T observed that despite it all, my Ex still respected me. He cautioned, however, to not over use it. But he was saying, use it when you can.
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
rarsweet
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 592


« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2015, 07:26:27 AM »

It really makes me realize how easy it is for us to analyze other people and not look at ourselves. Which is something I need to work on also.
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