now she is stronger she dosn't have BPD

[married21years]

now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions 

this is so hard as i know i am right and i know she has it and she agreed

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Loosestrife]

now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions 

this is so hard as i know i am right and i know she has it and she agreed

I would let the professionals tell her and keep a neutral stance

[formflier]

 

I find it helpful to talk about "traits" or behaviors... .rather than a diagnosis.

That way... .it is less "debatable".

Regular people can observe and react to behaviors... .  to be able to properly diagnose BPD is not something that "regular" people should try.

As a practical matter... .when someone's partner accuses them of carrying on an affair... .thinking certain thoughts... .or any number of other "BPDish" things... .it doesn't seem to me to matter whether their diagnosis is BPD... .or PPD... .or (insert any other diagnosis)

Thoughts?

FF

[an0ught]

A robust set of cognitive behavioral skills is very valuable whether you have a diagnose, traits or simply want to be more effective.

And therapy works whether she believes in a diagnose or not as long as she works on relevant stuff.

now she is stronger my uBPDw says she dosnt have BPD after 3 sessions

Keep in mind that pushing her is invalidating just increases resistance. Validate her doubts of a diagnose - it is only natural to have doubts after all. T right now is probably focusing on building a relationship with her and will be careful to upset her.

[married21years]

thx guys very good points

it just hurts

it is the fact she is lying about what the therapist says

arghhhh

i hate the lies it destroys me

[formflier]

it is the fact she is lying about what the therapist says

i hate the lies it destroys me

How do you know this?  Are you in the room with them?

Big picture:  If your wife is going to T... .this is good.  Let her T do the work... .you "just" be the husband... .not the "fixer".

What happens if your substitute "point of view" for "lie"?

Remember... .you are dealing with a very emotional person... .the way something "feels" is usually more important than the "fact" of the matter. 

FF

[married21years]

because an occupational therapist cant decide that after two sessions

[an0ught]

Hi married21years,

what is important is that she continues to attend. It is ok if she does not like it or has doubts. That just shows there is an active exchange   It some drama helps to keep her going - be glad there is a diagnosis drama.

Don't worry at this point what is happening there. Too early in any case. One important aspect of therapy is that it is private. So it is really none of your business what is happening there and your wife would be justified to tell you that straight. The fact that she is sharing stuff and intentionally or not distorting it shows that she lacks the backbone to tell to you "no". It is quite common that pwBPD resort to lying due to their own weak boundaries.

The beginning of therapy is a confusing phase. Don't focus too closely on that drama. It is easy to get sucked in and then you get dizzy. Focus on what is under your own control i.e. your own life and behavior. Limited levers, I know but also the only ones you ever have and more powerful than you think.

[married21years]

thx

[waverider]

If she is in therapy she is in the process. The process is not always a direct line forward, but at least it is not standing still