permission to move

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So ex just asked me to meet him, he needed to run something by me.I agreed. He said that he has reached his breaking point living with his dad. Which I do understand completely. Ex doesn't have a job. He has an aunt who has a small apartment on the second floor of her house. She has offered ex the apartment. I actually like his aunt. In her 50's, married, a nurse, no drugs,. Her hubby is an electrician, army vet, very quiet calm guy. The issue is it is out of state. Really 25 minutes away, just across the border. Per our parenting plan neither can move out of the school district without permission. Right now daughter is only a year old. He HSS said that it would only be temporary. I agree he does need to get away from his dad for his and daughters sake. Would it be good to give him permission or just enabling him to keep flopping between family members instead of getting a job and being able to live on his own?

[rarsweet]

So ex just asked me to meet him, he needed to run something by me.I agreed. He said that he has reached his breaking point living with his dad. Which I do understand completely. Ex doesn't have a job. He has an aunt who has a small apartment on the second floor of her house. She has offered ex the apartment. I actually like his aunt. In her 50's, married, a nurse, no drugs,. Her hubby is an electrician, army vet, very quiet calm guy. The issue is it is out of state. Really 25 minutes away, just across the border. Per our parenting plan neither can move out of the school district without permission. Right now daughter is only a year old. He HSS said that it would only be temporary. I agree he does need to get away from his dad for his and daughters sake. Would it be good to give him permission or just enabling him to keep flopping between family members instead of getting a job and being able to live on his own?

[whirlpoollife]

Is there any way to have something in writing stating that ex agrees to let you be the residential parent for the school district? While he has his temporary move. Because

in few years who knows what he might do. He might be ok with D going to the district you are in , or he might try to say he is settled and wants D in his school district that you verbly agreed to letting him move to years before.

[rarsweet]

I already am the parent with school address. Even though daughter is only a baby its already in our parenting plan. We have shared parenting, ex has Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I agreed because he agreed to stay in the school district.

[Nope]

You need something in writing no matter what.

In your shoes I'd probably agree to the move with the stipulation that his parenting time will need to be revisited if he continues to reside outside of the school district once the child is old enough to start preschool. Hopefully three solid years will be enough time for him to get it figured out. But if not, you're covered.

[david]

Get it in writing. Also think about all the consequences of any agreements in terms of what is best for daughter.

Have it, in writing, as a temp situation.

I find email works best since it is in writing and it doesn't trigger my ex like taking a legal route. My ex also views email differently then something written down on a piece of paper. She tends to treat email as if she is talking and there is no record of anything. The pieces of paper trigger her sometimes.

[Thunderstruck]

Would it be good to give him permission or just enabling him to keep flopping between family members instead of getting a job and being able to live on his own?

Enabling or not enabling... .eh, he's going to do what he's going to do. Let him do it.

Does the order say he needs to get permission from you or permission from the court? I wouldn't think he needs your permission, but the two of you could come to an agreed order/arrangement and submit it to be rubber stamped by the judge.

Review your order and see what his moving might impact. Exchanges? Visitation? Imagine your tiny 1 year old as a toddler/elementary schooler/teenager and see if the order would still "fit".

[rarsweet]

Our order says we have to give each other 60 days notice, if the other party doesn't agree, we must ask the court. I see it working right now, but not once she goes to preschool.  He would have to cross a bridge over the Connecticut river and go through 3 more towns to get here. I am in NH this would not work especially in winter. To do this on Thursdays and Fridays 2 ways would just be crazy. Not to mention would he drive back home while she's in school? I don't have any hope of him getting a job so I don't know how he would afford it. He gets unployment now, bit only has 18 weeks left he says.