I've been reading a BPD forum

[SurfNTurf]

Oh wow.  Light bulb moment. I've wondered what pwBPD say in their forums, and it turns out they know they treat us non's badly, they can't always control it, but some forum posters say they (subconsciously?) treat us badly to see how much crap we will tolerate, then hate us for being weak and putting up with it. Wow. Oh wow wow wow, I am speechless

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[rotiroti]

It's always really interesting to see things from the other perspective. I ran across something familiar on the TAM forum (talk about marriage). I can't find it at the moment but it was similar to the post you found.

BPD are filled with strong emotions and they are indeed ashamed at pushing away those that are closest to them. Family and romantic partners alike. They just lack the ability to handle them in any other way. Sad, but that's how it is

[Daniell85]

I think BPD compartmentalize a lot in order to cope. I feel like sometimes psychopaths masquerade as BPD.

[Infern0]

I do look at that site on occasion as its interesting to get the view from the other side, when you aren't in contact or being ignored by your BPD then you read on there about them pushing away people they love,  it's an interesting experience.

Thing is you have to remember not all pwBPD are the same and there are some really nasty ones on that site but there are also quiet borderlines on there hating on themselves for how they treat people so best not to tar all with the same brush

It can be a good place to get some perspective though for sure

[waverider]

Oh wow.  Light bulb moment. I've wondered what pwBPD say in their forums, so I searched this one: www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/topic164213.html and it turns out they know they treat us non's badly, they can't always control it, but some forum posters say they (subconsciously?) treat us badly to see how much crap we will tolerate, then hate us for being weak and putting up with it. Wow. Oh wow wow wow, I am speechless

Pretty well sums it up. They cant control their own behaviors, they know they do wrong, that is why they have defensiveness and self loathing. They want us to fix them, so when we crumble we are not giving them much hope and hence loose respect for us. The test us to see if we are willing to try hard enough.

They will use meek partners as meek partners become enablers, but find it hard to respects them. A bit like a junkie uses their supplier but hates them for letting them be that way. It all becomes the enablers/suppliers fault.