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midknight100

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4


« on: July 17, 2015, 05:42:24 PM »

Hello all. My first post. I am female, 54 years old, married to my BPD partner for 33 years.  I had not heard of BPD until my hubby attempted suicide this past February by taking 99 benadryl tablets and chasing them down with 2 bottles of Nyquil in the local Wal-Mart parking lot.  He was found, revived, spent 7 days in the medical hospital and then was transferred to the psych ward for further evaluation. The therapist assigned to him during his hospital stay suggested I look into BPD. For most of our marriage I was unaware of the extent of his issues since I was kept on a pedestal. All his flare ups were at work, with strangers or neighbors. I only heard his side of the story and believed him. Three years ago it all changed. Not sure why but I fell from my “goddess in his eyes” state and became “evil incarnate”. The verbal attacks were directed at me and everything became my fault. My eyes opened and I saw how previously believed paradigms were false. I started defending my version of reality which challenged his and we had two non stop years of complete and utter hostility.  For the past four months, since his coming home from the hospital stay, we have nothingness. He sits in his chair staring at a computer screen which may or may not even be on. He doesn’t want to leave the house. He helps if I ask but has no self motivation (he really never did its just exaggerated now). The doctors have tried several different medications for his Bi-Polar phase 2 and PTSD but so far none have worked for him. When I attempt to engage him in a conversation he shrugs his shoulders and says he has no opinion or that it is best for him not to communicate right now. He states he cant tell which voices in his head are telling him the truth and prefers to stay silent. I’m sure he feels broken and I would like to learn what things I can do that can help him without being co-dependent or adding to the issues.  Middy
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livednlearned
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2015, 06:10:56 PM »

Hi midknight100,

Welcome to bpdfamily 

I'm glad your H was found in the WM parking lot and that he is still here.   What a scare for you, and ultimately a chance to have him evaluated and diagnosed. I had the same experience of suddenly falling out of grace too, and it is quite a shocking dump on the cold, hard ground.

Do you think your husband's "nothingness" is a result of the medications interacting with him? Did he hear voices before his suicide attempt?

How are you holding up? Do you feel ok about leaving him home alone and doing things to take care of yourself?

I hope you'll share more and let us know how you're doing, midknight100. We're here for you.



LnL
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Breathe.
midknight100

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4


« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2015, 07:02:59 PM »




Hi LnL. The “nothingness” could be a result from the meds. He currently isn’t taking any. He doesn’t like the way they make him feel even though they do help stabilize his moods.  It is very apparent when he is and is not taking meds even though he thinks no one can tell. The last one he tried was a sublingual which was to be taken at night. He didn’t fall asleep as soon as expected and when the meds kicked in he felt like he was being tortured. He likened it to when an arm falls asleep and starts waking up. The painful tingle that is experienced normally in a small part of the body, was throughout his entire body for the entire night. He still has nightmares about the experience where he starts fighting in his sleep.  The first night he had one I got kicked square in the back before I was aware of any danger I am a light sleeper so when the dreams start I get up and sleep elsewhere.

In my opinion, The voices he hears are like the ones we all here. He has listened and fed  the ones that misinterpret others behavior and words as an attack on him personally for a long time. He is unsure if he is interpreting verbal and non verbal communication correctly and is attempting to modify his behavior.

I am ok about leaving him alone. If he kills himself that is on him. I have started finding myself again. I take walks with the dog, sometimes with him but alone if he doesn’t want to go. Normally he doesn’t want too. I have a garden & greenhouse, work, go to gatherings,  shopping etc. all without him.  It really is best that he stay secluded until he works out his issues. He is alienating the neighbors, lost his “friends”, unable to work.
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