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BPDFamily.com
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
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Saying I love you reduces contact
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Topic: Saying I love you reduces contact (Read 355 times)
married21years
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609
Saying I love you reduces contact
«
on:
July 19, 2015, 12:35:14 AM »
Telling my wife I love her forces her to reduce contact
But she can't see this
This is not normal behavoir
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Infern0
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1520
Re: Saying I love you reduces contact
«
Reply #1 on:
July 19, 2015, 03:25:06 AM »
No it's not normal behaviour, I have the exact same problem with my "girlfriend"
Every time we get close or do or say anything meaningful I know i won't be hearing from her for a couple of days!
it's push/pull fear of intimacy at play.
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married21years
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609
Re: Saying I love you reduces contact
«
Reply #2 on:
July 20, 2015, 01:09:29 AM »
we can be messaging on whats app and if i say i love you she is suddenly busy
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Loosestrife
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 612
Re: Saying I love you reduces contact
«
Reply #3 on:
July 21, 2015, 04:09:45 PM »
I used to experience this. I think it's part of the push/pull trait
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vortex of confusion
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Re: Saying I love you reduces contact
«
Reply #4 on:
July 21, 2015, 05:53:09 PM »
I would like to offer a slightly different perspective. There was a period of time when my husband said "I love you" at the drop of a hat. He would say it every chance he got. It got to a point where it irritated the snot out of me. It irritated me because it was just words. In one breath, he would say "I love you" and in the next breath he would reject me. His actions didn't match his words. It is worth seeing if there is any possibility of that.
If I didn't say "I love you" often enough, he would resort to "you never tell me you love me". I know that my situation is on the opposite end of what is being described. I feel like my husband was looking to me for validation. He could only love himself if I loved him and constantly reminded him of it. I am an odd female in that
I am wondering if the "I love you" is pushing her away because she doesn't feel worthy of love. It isn't meant as some kind of push/pull but it could be seen as being invalidating. How could you possibly say "I love you" when she isn't feeling it at all? In another thread, didn't you mention that she hasn't felt the love since January or something? (I apologize if I have it mixed up.)
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