New here and feel like I've hit the proverbial brick wall.

[Dreadful Delight]

I want to thank you for welcoming me to your site.  I'm very much in need of someone to talk to for advice/guideance.

A bit of background:

   My husband and I will have been married going on 21 years in August.  He is the one who was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 about five years ago, and recently, this past year as BPD.  This recent diagnosis with the BPD has caused quite an upheaval.  He was in therapy while in high school and made a couple suicide attempts prior to getting the help he needed.  My husband suspected that one of his therapists may have had a theory that he was BPD at that point, but as I understand, most therapists don't like to diagnose BPD at that early age.  

   So when we married, I knew very little about depression, let alone Bipolar or BPD, so I ended up with a crash course in it, along with all the other learning how to interact in the adult world, having children, etc.  

   We lived in places for the most part, that were small towns, that didn't trigger his depression, and we made it work, surprisingly, with out any therapeutic help.  That was mostly due to the fact that we didn't have the money or insurance to do so.  Looking back, if that wasn't the issue, I'm sure that we would have gone through therapy much sooner.  We lived in Alaska before we moved to Seattle.  It was a good place for us, until it got to the point that our son was getting pretty serious about his music. We moved there hoping to have more opportunities for him as well as myself.  I finished a one year program in the culinary program at the local vocational school (emphasis was on baking/pastry).  I was hoping to find more opportunities myself as well as he was too.  He has known since he was 14 that he wanted to write fiction and went to school for it ( it took him twelve years to complete most of his coursework. he's 6 credits shy of his degree due to lack of finances and the depression interfering with it).  

   When we moved to Seattle, he had a complete breakdown, and to make the long story short, he did get the help that he needed.  That's when he was diagnosed with the Bipolar 2.  He suspected that he was BPD, then too, but it was abruptly shut down.  He suspects that it had to do with the negative views that often comes with BPD, but didn't push it, since he was grateful that he was getting the help that he needed.  

   Things came to an end with getting the therapy at the place he was at.  The program that he was enrolled at, was a learning program for interns, so it came to an end because his therapist was moving on.  Things went well until early last year.  He had been pushing himself to integrate into a more social setting and one night we were at a party where things didn't go as planned, and it triggered him.  Looking back, he thinks it triggered him and he was coming down off of a long manic high.  Other things, like our rent going up, me not getting a raise for the entire four years at my current job, and our son graduating from high school and leaving home kept building up the pressure of his emotional pain.  I did manage to get a new job and was there for three weeks and was let go.  Our son had plans to go to college, but they pulled a "bait and switch" on him with his classes, and he came back home. On top of it all, I haven't been able to break into getting my baking dreams going.  A All this commotion led my husband to attempt suicide, but fortunately, he pulled through it.  We then finally had health insurance and it covered some mental health services, and we both finally were able to get into therapy.

   This last year he was diagnosed with BPD. Shortly after being diagnosed, he stopped going to therapy. He and his therapist left it open ended, so if he needed to go back he could.  All this info and emotions overwhelmed him and  mostly he wanted to study DBT on his own and go at his pace.  I think it's the writer in him, he loves to research and study subjects that interest him and affect him.   Right now he's only on an anti depressant to curb the "dark side" so to speak.  Most of the medicines they put him on messed with him so badly, it actually made him rapid cycle more than he was before.  He still does, it's mostly weekly instead of daily.  

   This is as good of an overview as it gets for now.  I'm sure that there's more I could add, and I'll probably add  more when I remember.  We have been at this for a long time and we are both frazzled.  That's putting it lightly.  One positive thing is that our son seems to be working steadily towards his music dreams, and is doing well at this point.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Dreadful Delight,

You sound dedicated to stick by your husband through the upheavals and crises over the years. It's good that he is self-aware enough to research on his own now that the suicide crisis has passed. Has he found this resource: www.dbtselfhelp.com/ ?

It's good that your son is perusing his dreams, and that your husband is at least open enough to try instead of deny. How are you handling things, though, and what do you do to take care of yourself?

If you haven't seen them, take a look at the resources in the right-hand margin of this board. There are tools there (Lesson 3) which can help you communicate with your H which may help even out the highs and lows of his mood cycles. Hope to hear more and how best we can help.



Turkish

[Dreadful Delight]

Thanks, I believe he's done extensive research to the point he was getting too much stimulation and was getting triggered way too much.  He's done some off/on over the years.  I guess there wasn't a whole lot of helpful information when he was much younger and there was a lot of stigma attached to BPD.  That's part of why he's struggling with it.

I try to get into various creative projects.  It's how I got into baking in the first place, especially bread baking.  Kneading dough seemed to be very calming for me.  Although since we've been in Seattle, funds have been tight, so it has sometimes gone to the sidelines.  I've been doing more reading and watching movies lately.

Our rent is going up in September so we are looking for a different place. Once we figure out how things are going down, I think we're looking at trying to get him on disability.  His symptoms have gotten worse and not better in the past few years.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Dreadful Delight, 

I would like to join Turkish and welcome you. 

Finding and enjoying your own hobbies is a great way of taking care of yourself. It is really common for a partner of a person with BPD (pwBPD) to almost forget about their own needs and wants. I have been guilty of it myself.  Do you still bake regularly?

Moving and stressful situations and environments tend to have an impact on emotional dysregulation. PwBPD are hypersensitive to external stimuli and tend to react dramatically. Factoring in Bipolar, the mood/negative affect can vacillate quickly.  When your husband is rapidly cycling, how do you cope with his behavior/mood?

My pwBPD has been on a plethora of medication ranging from anti-psychotics to mood stabilizers to SSRI's. Similar to your husband, some of the medication exacerbated his BPD/bipolar.  One ing that has helped him was reading a book on mindfulness.  The mindfulness techniques work for essentially anyone, including non disordered people.  I use mindfulness when I am feeling stressed out. Take a look at this link. 

TOOLS: DBT for Non Borderlines- Mindfulness

Keep posting. It really helps knowing that there are people here going through similar things.