i am at the end of my tether and really need some help

[last resort]

Hi there, i am so happy to find this site as i am at my wits end with my partner who has BPD. i couldnt start to list the things i have had to cope with as they are too many, the continual accusations about being unfaithful, the things he creates in his head - just one example is that the night after i buried my father i was very ill and slept downstairs so i didnt disturb him as he had to get up for work, for some reason the door made a 'click' noise - in the morning he accused me of having another man downstairs while he was in bed!

its endless, the suspicions, the delusions, the paranoyia, his projections onto me, the control etc. i feel i have no life anymore, no freedom (even in my mind) as i have to watch every word i say - he has isolated me from my friends (especially make friends, as thats a real no no as he presumes i will go off with them) interrogates me about every detail of my past, checks my texts and facebook messages, creates scenarios in his head all the time.

I have battled with this for 2 years, i am trying to understand but its so horrific to live with this constant tension, especially now when i am tryng to grieve for my father.

He wont even let me go to life drawing classes (as i am an artist) as he cant stand the thought of me looking at someone else (male or female). i cant go out with him, we sit in all the time, as he will be turning round to see what im looking at and i get accused of looking at men! i am the most loyal person ever, and really dont deserve this! I feel so alone and desperate, i have tried so many times to walk away from him but 75% of the time he is lovely, but the 25% is unbearable and makes me so unhappy.

Please can you help me?

thanks

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

You story is pretty familiar. You have completely lost control of the right to your say in your life.

Start off by going through the LESSONS, this will help put things into an orderly manner.

Keep in mind we teach other people how they can treat us. It will take some time, and drama, to roll a lot of this back, but it is possible.

You cannot appease a needy person, as it is the process of needing which drives them, not the attainment of any objective. The goal posts will keep moving until you have no more ground to give.

[Yaffle]

I know how you feel but hang in there, read the lessons and slowly things can improve.  I was where you are a while ago but after reading things on here I'm in a much better place than I was.  At least now I know why things are like they are and I'm learning slowly to get my life back.  I read the lessons and initially didn't think I'd really taken any of it in but looking back now I realise that I'm behaving differently towards my uBPD GF so I think some things must have sunk in and I'm getting far less of the out and out screaming sessions than I used to.   Although things aren't brilliant, they are bearable and I know I can make things better still!