S5 AboutTo Start School, Mom Already Anxious

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Orientation for kindergarten is this week, then he starts next week. 7 or 8 months ago, she said she was going to investigate school for him. In her career, she works with students and schools, so I said to let me know, then we could set up visits. The day of his graduation from pre-K, we went to register him at the default school by my house because nothing had been done by her. I had already filled out the application, and gathered proof of residency. I also did trips to the dentist, our healthcare provider, and to get his birth certificate, which we had lost. She did nothing.

Two weeks ago, she was talking about wanting to skip him to first grade (because he's a genius, naturally, as is D3). Today, she was saying she found a charter school with the maximum ratings, and she wanted to put him on a waiting list. I've said numerous times that they require us to place him, then try a transfer. Though no fan of our public school system, my thoughts are if it ain't broke, dint fix it. That is, unless there are major problems, I doubt putting him into the wrong kindergarten is likely to mess up his chance to go to Yale.

While on one hand I see validity to getting him into the best school (she grew up in our borderline ghetto district), this last minute anxiety bugs me. The school secretary actually complimented me on getting most of the paperwork in two months early, since some parents show up on the day school starts wanting to get in.

We have joint custody. Technically, I get a veto. I see nothing wrong with transferring if there is a problem, but she telegraphs like she doesn't even want to give this school a chance. When I ran into a teacher from another school when I took him for his placement test who said, "good school, good principal," my Ex said, "they're trained to say that." 

[Turkish]

Orientation for kindergarten is this week, then he starts next week. 7 or 8 months ago, she said she was going to investigate school for him. In her career, she works with students and schools, so I said to let me know, then we could set up visits. The day of his graduation from pre-K, we went to register him at the default school by my house because nothing had been done by her. I had already filled out the application, and gathered proof of residency. I also did trips to the dentist, our healthcare provider, and to get his birth certificate, which we had lost. She did nothing.

Two weeks ago, she was talking about wanting to skip him to first grade (because he's a genius, naturally, as is D3). Today, she was saying she found a charter school with the maximum ratings, and she wanted to put him on a waiting list. I've said numerous times that they require us to place him, then try a transfer. Though no fan of our public school system, my thoughts are if it ain't broke, dint fix it. That is, unless there are major problems, I doubt putting him into the wrong kindergarten is likely to mess up his chance to go to Yale.

While on one hand I see validity to getting him into the best school (she grew up in our borderline ghetto district), this last minute anxiety bugs me. The school secretary actually complimented me on getting most of the paperwork in two months early, since some parents show up on the day school starts wanting to get in.

We have joint custody. Technically, I get a veto. I see nothing wrong with transferring if there is a problem, but she telegraphs like she doesn't even want to give this school a chance. When I ran into a teacher from another school when I took him for his placement test who said, "good school, good principal," my Ex said, "they're trained to say that." 

[Sunfl0wer]

It sounds like you are fine whichever school he attends, however, her last min approach is disruptive to things? (Not to mention lack of consideration and appreciation for your efforts and organized planning)

Would there be any harm in allowing her to put him on the waiting list?  Are there any drawbacks of the charter school?  How does either of these choices set him up for entry into elementary school?

Sounds like he would start at the public school anyway?  Then, if there is an issue, you will have a back up plan? However, if not already on the waiting list, then his opportunities are more limited?  With an unpredictable partner, maybe you do need a backup plan, or is she not the type to cause chaos/disruption at his school?

My concern is that if you do not allow her to also put him on a waiting list, many BPD exs will "prove" to you that "their" child is really "not" better off with your plan and end up sabotaging things that they feel they didn't decide on.

However, there obviously is a time to set some boundaries as many BPDmoms just will never be satisfied and feel in control enough even when they have had primary decision making control and the dissatisfaction of education/teachers, etc is a never satiating situation... .that can spiral into "accidental" sabotage by the BPDmom.

Idk the best approach... .

Just throwing out some thoughts to think on in case it helps for thinking it out.

[Turkish]

It said it was ok to put him on the list (likely he won't get in this year).

The drawback is distance given S3 starts at a later time at a school in the other direction. The original plan was a possible transfer to the school that she is at.