Sabotaging White Time?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Anyone ever sabotage their "white time", consciously or unconsciously?  Last night I was in my wife's good graces, but she was going off about someone doing something that she herself does (that happens a lot), and instead of just validating her and moving on I made some wisecrack that basically pointed out she was a hypocrite.  Totally unnecessary, and a little freaky when I realized what I did.  So now I'm wondering why, and made a few guesses.

1)  I'm mirroring BPD behavior.  A lot of BPDs get it from BPDs in their lives right?  This is the one I'm most worried about honestly.

2)  I'm passive-aggressively getting her back for the times she's ruined my good times.

3)  I somehow like being painted black?  Feel I deserve it?

4)  I know the shift from white to black will always come, I just don't know when or how.  I can never enjoy the white time anyway because of that.  Maybe I figure if I'm the one flipping the switch, I at least have some control over it.

I wouldn't really like any of those things to be true about me, but I don't see any more angles so I'm guessing it's some or all of those.  Anyone else have this experience?

[DevilYouKnow]

Anyone ever sabotage their "white time", consciously or unconsciously?  Last night I was in my wife's good graces, but she was going off about someone doing something that she herself does (that happens a lot), and instead of just validating her and moving on I made some wisecrack that basically pointed out she was a hypocrite.  Totally unnecessary, and a little freaky when I realized what I did.  So now I'm wondering why, and made a few guesses.

1)  I'm mirroring BPD behavior.  A lot of BPDs get it from BPDs in their lives right?  This is the one I'm most worried about honestly.

2)  I'm passive-aggressively getting her back for the times she's ruined my good times.

3)  I somehow like being painted black?  Feel I deserve it?

4)  I know the shift from white to black will always come, I just don't know when or how.  I can never enjoy the white time anyway because of that.  Maybe I figure if I'm the one flipping the switch, I at least have some control over it.

I wouldn't really like any of those things to be true about me, but I don't see any more angles so I'm guessing it's some or all of those.  Anyone else have this experience?

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[Sunfl0wer]

I can recall times being painted mostly white and challenging him in a way that I knew he would back off on my white status some.

Sometimes... .I just felt it had to be said.  I had to be authentic.

Sometimes... .being aware of the result made me question my motives.

Sometimes... .yea... .I guess I just felt like being snarky too!

[thisagain]

I'm not sure if this is another angle or just a variation on your options, but... .Sometimes I feel myself getting nervous or upset with my partner during the "white times." If she's lavishing me with praise, I might remember how yesterday she said something totally different because she was mad at me for no reason, and that makes me sad. Or I get nervous basically waiting for her to paint me black again. Because if she's unbalanced and saying really intense and unreasonable things about how great I am, I know that level of emotional arousal could easily flip in the other direction.

Is it possible that you're getting nervous and that's making you blurt things out without thinking? Or maybe you just get too comfortable when things are going well, and so you forget to put in the huge amount of effort it takes to keep things going well?

[workinprogress]

Anyone ever sabotage their "white time", consciously or unconsciously?  Last night I was in my wife's good graces, but she was going off about someone doing something that she herself does (that happens a lot), and instead of just validating her and moving on I made some wisecrack that basically pointed out she was a hypocrite.  Totally unnecessary, and a little freaky when I realized what I did.  So now I'm wondering why, and made a few guesses.

1)  I'm mirroring BPD behavior.  A lot of BPDs get it from BPDs in their lives right?  This is the one I'm most worried about honestly.

2)  I'm passive-aggressively getting her back for the times she's ruined my good times.

3)  I somehow like being painted black?  Feel I deserve it?

4)  I know the shift from white to black will always come, I just don't know when or how.  I can never enjoy the white time anyway because of that.  Maybe I figure if I'm the one flipping the switch, I at least have some control over it.

I wouldn't really like any of those things to be true about me, but I don't see any more angles so I'm guessing it's some or all of those.  Anyone else have this experience?

DYK, I just figured this out recently.  So what if you misspeak or make a mistake?  A loving and caring partner would overlook it or get over it.  BPD's will hold it against you and paint you black.  It's a terrible way to live.