Realize that you are having these feelings... .realize it is normal to have those feelings in your situation.
FF is right here. I have had these feelings at times lately also. They are just that. Feelings. Feelings that lead to momentary gratification. That momentary gratification could destroy anything you are trying to build. pwBPD do not trust anyone so you are cementing that in them if they find out.
Consider your values... .
My values state: I want to have a fulfilling marriage with my wife. I have to make decisions everyday that support and show that.
Then build boundaries to support those values.
This is one reason I continue to wear my wedding ring even if she doesn't. It is a constant reminder of the covenant I made with her and God. It shows her I value that covenant. It shows other people that I value that covenant.
Boundaries are for others... and ourselves... .
Critical... to have values first... .then boundaries... Less chance of boundaries shifting that way...
FF
By wearing my wedding ring, I am living my value of "valueing my marriage and preferring my wife over all others." My thing is that if a woman is ok sleeping with me when they know I'm married, then more than likely, they don't value boundaries at all and it's much easier to not do it.
With FF on the values.
I have been there myself earlier this year. W had not wanted to be intimate in almost a year and a business associate made it very clear she was available with no strings attached. I knew W would never find out, but I would always know and have to live with myself. My values stopped me from doing something I would have regretted.
What is worse in your mind? The loneliness or the knowledge you have done something you will always regret?
Loneliness sucks. Those moments where I just want to hold my wife, be intimate with her, tell her how much I love and care for her, and yet can't, SUCK. No way around it. One night with someone else won't cure it, in fact, it will make the loneliness set in more because you are left with a "secret" that you can't share and have to hide.
My wife obviously feels lonely enough for the both of us. I don't want that in my own life. I actually like going to bed at night with a clear conscience. The thing that both of us admit, is being physical with one another is extremely satisfying and we are great together. Frankly, that means more to me than one night with someone else. period.
