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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: I might be getting the hang of this  (Read 673 times)
ptilda
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« on: August 20, 2015, 02:42:55 AM »

Text conversation tonight with hubby after he brought me to urgent care last night with a 101.9 temp, and sat patiently and waited and brought me to get my prescription and then dropped me off at home (I felt too weak to drive myself) makes me think I'm maybe getting my head around this new way of talking. I don't like it, but it's getting easier.

Him: "Hope you feel better May God help you to be healed."

Me: "Thank you. I still have a fever, but not as high. Have a bad headache, so I took some ibuprofen and drinking a lot of tea and water."

"You had time to study for your test?" [I unknowingly interrupted his study group asking him to take me to the DR]

Him: "No but I have just [finished] with it. Wasn't so hard I used my memory of what I learned and logical" [filled in and changed some words I knew he left out or put the wrong one in since English is not his first language]

Me: "Good. I'm really proud of you."

Him: "Okay thanks a lot"

[talk about food, etc]

Him: Do you need money to buy things?"

"Try preparing something [at] home will help you with money and taste" [offering to eat my food is pretty major, and is a pretty open door for me to invite him over for a meal]

[more talk about random things like Haitian food, etc]

Me: "I made soup [joumou] before from my book, but it wasn't really right"

"a little" [Haitian squash soup that we used to eat every Sunday at his aunt's restaurant in Haiti]

Him: "Keep trying you gonna be ok" [hey, who's affirming who here? haha]

Me: "I think you're right. And You too."

'You're gonna be ok too"

[misc. talk]

Him: "It's not easy that's how I am mostly when anxiety mix with future in projects. But yeah I'm already okay cause of prayers and acceptance"

Me: "Yeah. Anxiety is normal. God gives it so we can be cautious. You're right to be careful."

"I feel a lot of anxiety too. Praying about it a lot and have a good support system around me."

Him: "Yeah I only have one person God here worthy infinit"

"Then I'm good with all my Haitian people texting me stay in touch support me" [only the people he hasn't pushed away because they didn't agree with him]

Me: "That's good. Wise friends who love you will give wise council."

Him: "As yours, mostly the one with the Holy Spirit. But my adviser is God not friends that's why it's rare they know about my stuff" [he has almost a violent obsession with privacy, which is what I believe is the root of his mental illness]

"I'm still a private person with ethics in everything" [well, not exactly true, but okay, I'll leave it alone]

[time to change the topic]

Me: [asking if he got the mail he was waiting for and maybe they won't deliver it since he did a change of address and maybe he should cancel that until he gets his mail]

Him: "Ok"

"Goodnight"

Me: "Ok. Just got home. I'll try to eat a few more bites and get more sleep. Good night."

I know it doesn't look like much, but the ability to engage in almost normal exchanges like this is enormous! And that he's telling me he's stressed is big. He's starting to open up to me and is asking me to invite him over to "taste" the food that I cook. So maybe we're going to start "dating?" Hahaha . . .
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« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2015, 05:37:43 AM »

 

This is a great exchange... .

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I hope you are feeling better

FF
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« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2015, 06:38:34 AM »

makes me think I'm maybe getting my head around this new way of talking. I don't like it, but it's getting easier.

It took me a while to get the hang of 'this new way of talking'.  When it became more natural and I wasn't actively picking and choosing words, it also became more me, more just the normal ebb and flow of my conversation.  

In looking back I suppose I could say my focus in conversations was frequently off,  either I was speaking in thought fragments or I was driving a conversation towards a conclusion.     I don't do that much anymore.

Now it takes something pretty special to make me realize I am using a SET or validation, it just comes naturally.

feel better soon.

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« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2015, 06:57:49 AM »

Baby steps, right? I can relate to feeling successful with even the most normal of interactions. It is difficult for me to not feel resentful that 95% of our lives revolves around hw BPD and his dis regulations.
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« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2015, 07:41:36 AM »

Baby steps, right? I can relate to feeling successful with even the most normal of interactions. It is difficult for me to not feel resentful that 95% of our lives revolves around hw BPD and his dis regulations.

So... .I don't believe it is possible to remove all effects of BPD from our r/s... .but with BOUNDARIES we can take out a big chunk.

Design the boundaries to keep his issues outside of your boundaries.

We can help design those boundaries for you.

FF
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ptilda
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« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2015, 02:53:07 PM »

Thanks all, for the encouragement. And now he's bringing me soup (this crud is the worst bug I've ever caught!) so well be testing my face-to-face skills when I'm sick! Haha
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« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2015, 04:07:50 PM »

Wow this is huge progress! Keep up the good work  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) and I hope you feel better soon!
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« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2015, 05:39:40 PM »

Great news, ptilda!

Keep on keepin' on!
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ptilda
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« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2015, 07:47:54 PM »

Just never-ending. The accusations. The "I love you, even though it might kill me." The insistence that I beat him on four occasions. The insistence that I brought him here "for my plan" (never a clarification of what he thinks that plan is).

And just before this onslaught he comes to bring me soup and Gatorade and some other things because I've been sick, and talks about how he'll start paying part of the rent and such when he gets a job.

I don't even know which way is up anymore.
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« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2015, 08:42:01 PM »

Just never-ending. The accusations. The "I love you, even though it might kill me." The insistence that I beat him on four occasions. The insistence that I brought him here "for my plan" (never a clarification of what he thinks that plan is).

I'm guessing... .(because I used to do this)... that since your SO new you well... there was substance to the accusations... .or they thought bad of you.

They say provocative things... .because it works for them.  Once you stop making it work (your power to do so... .but not your fault)... .slowly... .it will start to resolve itself... .or get to a more manageable level.

FF
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ptilda
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« Reply #10 on: August 21, 2015, 02:27:47 AM »

So he brought me soup and Gatorade after his class amid my 100.4 temp (down from 101.9 2 days ago). People are sympathizing with me about the illness, and I'm actually thankful because it's bringing us (literally) together more than we've been in months! I can't complain too much other than being super broke from having to cancel lessons.

Here's the exchange (edited down) and I want to show how it's possible to partially still function with SET and Affirm even with a fever, and when I let myself get pulled into the muck, how I can pull out again. Not perfect by any stretch, but showing more consistency.

Me: "Thank you so much, [his nickname]. The soup is perfect." [only thing I can manage to keep down in days]

Him: "Welcome [my nickname]"

"My pleasure"

"Remember this word even though life is blink." [not sure if he meant "blank," or talking about "blink of an eye", either way I don't understand]

"Mission"

[ewww. I Hate this. He used to tell me all the time I'm his mission. I tried to get him to change it to "destiny" and told him "mission" sounds like he looks at me like a fixer-upper. I want to be a partner, not one for him to have pity on!]

Me: "some day you'll see why I don't like that word. But for now, thanks."

Him: "[my name] can you tell me right now?"

"If I knew I wouldn't have to tell you that" [meaning wouldn't have told you that]

"Sorry"

Me: "[his nickname] right now my head hurts a lot. I'm needing to sleep. We'll talk. I just wish you could understand the idea of a team instead of competitors." [INVALIDATING, I know, especially for an extremely excellent athlete]

Him: "Ho sorry I didn't think we are in the same thought of words"

"Just try to sleep stop reading"

[and here I bring up marriage counseling in response to his several questions about immigration and the fact that they will need to see proof that we have undertaken counseling for a minimum of 6 months, but the messages crossed and I didn't see his first]

Me: "That's why I want so much to understand you. Why I always asked you to help me understand. We think differently, and we need someone to help us understand the differences and what it means."

"Ok, goodnight'

Him: "[my name] I asked you counseling before you didn't want to follow that way and wanted me to go to see your pastors or leave the house. Now you ask me to set up things. Why? [my nickname] I'm ready for everything I just know the real thing of everything happened I loved you and sincerely even though some of your friends told I'm a fraud. Then let's wait until the judge call us." [first, he set up the initial session as mentioned and never went again. I went to the follow-up as provided. His "I'm ready for everything" is like "come at me!" or a dare]

Me: [explaining that I did go to counseling and he refused to go ever again]

"I'm going to start counseling with or without you."

Him: "Cause you ordered your little boy to leave or accept" [uh-oh, here it is]

Me: "Every day I put my freedom on the line and risk a huge fine which will bankrupt me, because I refuse to report the divorce like I'm required to." [because they will arrest him and deport him, which he knows]

"[his name] you are not a little boy. You are a man"

Him: "Menace?" [I don't understand this]

"I'm not afraid anymore of anything since I'm here your friends told you to report me as. Even when she told me 'Ptilda told me she beat you but me and my husband went through most things and this and that'" [just realized what he's talking about. One of my pastor's wives is who he is convinced has it in for him. She told him "[Ptilda] admitted she hit you too" again, once in self-defense. NOT "beat." And she went through it where her husband beat her like mine did me . . . just constant twisting!]

Me: "What are you talking about?" [just got it now, not then]

Him: "I don't care you report me I'm the looser I left and seel my stuff to come here and congrats with your EX" [here we go with that again]

"HITS" [now he's talking in caps because then maybe I'll believe it this time]

Me: "Ok [his name]. I will go to counseling. I'm not forcing you. I'm asking you FOR YOUR SAKE" [maybe he reads better in caps too? haha]

Him: "BELITTLING"

Me: "Goodnight"

Him: "AND MORE"

Me: "Yes"

"Yes you're right"

"All of that you did to me" [I couldn't stop it. It just squeaked out and hit the "send" button!]

Him: "You know what I will always try my best in everything as I said do whatever you want to do" [he keeps asking me what I want to do. I keep telling him counseling and he says (and has always said), "it's too late for that"]

"May God have my soul" [a little drama to make sure it takes effect]

Me: "I'm sick [his name]. I can't be talking about this'

Him: "What did I do to you"

"I know but why you started?"

Me: "It hurts me when you call me your mission."

Him: "You're not I just said I'll always love you no matter what symbolic of what God did. Isn't it to strong to say? But it's true" [TRANSLATION? Please? I have no idea]

Me: "Won't you try to see my heart? It's all I ask."

Him: ":)id you try mine? Before I was enfranchised?"

"Even now"

"But let's wait until things go in there way"

"You even told my friends and family you won't sign any paper for me." [I actually did not say this at all. I said I don't KNOW what to do]

"Then it's okay then I have no favor from you not declare the marriage as fraud or not or you don't sign for me"

"Life is what it is"

"I got what I deserved when you under evaluated"

"That's what you knew as your power since I came 'stupid you're here in the states of [our state] because of me' that's what you told me" [true, in outburst after he berated me for nearly an hour, recording me (I later learned) trying to get me to react so that he could "prove" that I said bad things, and he said something stupid about not needing me to be here in the states and I tried to emphasis that he was in the states BECAUSE he wanted to be with me! Argh. It's exhausting]

Me: "Thank you for helping me. I really can't understand what you're writing [no lie]. It's hard for me to read because my eyes hurt from the headache [small lie]"

Him: "Then ok stop as you started"

Me: "You're right Jean, I said that. I felt hurt and cornered and betrayed and you were trying to make me confess something I never did" [messages crossing again]

"I'm trying"

Him: "Not true I never even want to talk that's why you beat me" [mixing his situations. When he recorded me, he was totally interviewing and pounding me with demanding question one after the other. The time I hit his leg and chest in the car, THAT was after nearly 3 months of pretty consistent ST until he needed something]

"Cause I didn't wanted to talk"

"Before you told me that"

Me: "Ok [his name]. I know you believe that I beat you, but I have a very different memory and am able to prove it as well. It's important that we face these things as adults and speak about them without getting angry, so that neither one of us suffers more unnecessary damage."

"But when I feel better"

Him: "Baby do you have any memory disease?" [this made me laugh! First he calls me "baby" and he now wants to say that I have some cognitive issues. Wow]

Me: "no love"

"I offered to go get a psychological evaluation with you, but they said they needed you to come as a witness to tell what you said I was lying about and you refused."

"My memory is actually excellent. Almost photographic."

Him: "How can you forget about what you said and did"

"?"

Me: [detailed explanation of the TWO times I hit him, once in self-defense and once after 3 months of him saying, "this is the way our relationship will be from now on, when I have something for you to do, you'll do it, and the rest of the time you'll leave me alone and won't talk to me or bother me." Yeah, girl went a little off her rocker]

Him: "4 times baby I got the date in my head baby"

"I know you won't stop lying but I really love you anyhow"

"And won't stop loving you even though it might kill me" [here's this again]

[more attempted explanation by me]

Me: "Thank you for your love [his name]. It will not kill you"

"but your stubbornness might"

Him: "Me? I have no body to talk about my stuff cause i have ethics" [he believes not sharing your feelings is "ethical" and it's unfortunately a shared mindset with Haitians. But then he smears things all over his Facebook page for all to see! Starting fights with my family, talking about me trying to kill him, etc.]

Me: "I love you so much. Even though as you warned me, you're a very hard man to love"

"[his name] it's not about ethics not to talk about feelings. That is a bad things. We need to talk"

Him: "Anyway don't be tired you win"

"keep lying"

Me: "talking about feelings is healthy"

"never lied"

"outside my character" [except for the tiny one mentioned above]

Him: "And know what don't call me anymore when you have things happened it's like you want to trapped me down still" [here we go again. HE contacted me and offered to bring me food]

[bla bla bla]

Me: "I just want a solution. Divorce is not a good solution without trying 6 months of counseling first. I have been researching this and speaking with lawyers and all sorts of people trying to avoid any more trouble for you than you already caused for yourself"

"It makes me sad"

"Because I know you are a great man and you lost yourself somewhere."

[bla bla bla]

Me: "[his name]"

"I'm sorry. I know that arguing won't help. I feel frustrated that we are back to this all over again. But I know it's therapy that will help these things. For both of us."

Him: "I have no help here anyhow with the power you have I'll be always the loser that why you keep me under pressure"

"U win"

Me: "That's what I was talking about. We are on teh same team. We are not opponents. We either win together or lose together."

"I take no more than fifty percent of the responsibility. You take no more than fifty percent. We work together"

Him: "No you win"

Me: "Ok [his name] maybe you're right."

[bla bla bla]

Me: "I can imagine it feels very frustrating for you"


****4 HOURS LATER****

Him: "Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) how can you asked me to go to counseling while you keep lying? [insert his version of physical altercation where I yelled, punched and ran and he did nothing but bleed and I gave myself the bruises] I'm not an imbecile as you said. [NEVER did I say this. I don't even use that word] I save teh 4 dates you hit me and I can prove that" [telling them the dates of when you claim I hit you, does not prove anything and I have police reports, so . . . witness reports, character references, etc.]

Me: "You're not an imbecile, [his name]"

THE END (for now)

I included the whole dang thing because I want people to see that there are little ways even after we allow ourselves to get sucked in (I'm good at that), we can pull back.

But can anyone else understand why he and I have a communication problem? The man speaks in riddles when he's trying to play lawyer! It's exhausting. He talks a whole lot without saying a dag nabit thing!
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babyducks
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« Reply #11 on: August 21, 2015, 05:17:16 AM »

Hi ptilda

How's the fever?   How are you feeling?

It looks like this topic is still red hot for him.   Do you think you can draw a boundary around discussing this with him?   Just for now?

When things were very difficult between me and my partner I scripted, actually wrote out three lines that got me out of gnarly conversations.   They were:   We've been over this before, we disagree, let's talk about something else.   It's not productive to rehash this right now, I won't discuss this any more.   and I need to stop this conversation right now I will talk to you tomorrow.

I would recommend you craft a couple of get out of the conversations lines so that when you get that oh-oh here it comes now feeling you can fall back on them without having to think on your feet.

'ducks
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« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2015, 05:39:19 AM »

 

Scripted lines are great!  Especially when sick... .tired... .etc etc.


One quick comment on words... .

"I'm going... with or without you... .is almost certainly seen as throwing down the gauntlet... " (not good)

I need counseling to help me understand... .I hope you will participate... " (softer)

When "they" are emotional about things... .especially things that you don't believe to be true... .try to think how you can be "soft" in your statements to him.

FF
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ptilda
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« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2015, 08:13:13 AM »

I know I said careless things here. But I'm confident now that he's just nudging my position to see if I'm going to keep it. Again this morning he is devoted and even though "we can't be together," vows to never let me down. Really? Well too late for that. Haha. Anyhow despite my 100.4 temp again this morning, I resisted the urge to respond.

Guys, I feel so incredibly empty on this. Like I'm getting absolutely beat down on every side.
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« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2015, 09:00:18 AM »

Ptilda

Hang in there.   Of course you feel rotten just now.   You are sick as a dog.  A sustained fever over 100 is no joke.  You have been through an absolutely horrible couple of months.  Weird crap has been coming out of left field at an amazing clip.  You have to be spent.

This is a treading water kind of time until you physically feel better.  Everything else has to go on the back burner until you have your feet back under you .

Take care of yourself today. 
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« Reply #15 on: August 22, 2015, 03:45:44 AM »

The upside is looks like I'm on the upswing. Ate actual food tonight after a solid week of a bowl of soup a day.

And the illness seems to give me some freebies with him. We've been talking well today even with his "push" yesterday. I mentioned wanting to turn the closet of the spare bedroom into a recording studio and he insists I let him help. Keeps talking about helping with everything as much as he can. Keeps talking about how much he loves me. Emotionally he's in my hand, but physically he's a stone. We hugged after he brought soup for me and I've never been un-hugged in my life. But his arms were around me at the same time that his whole upper body was stiff and his head pulled away from me.

He just needs counseling and therapy to deal with his demons. I just pray he will see that soon.
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« Reply #16 on: August 22, 2015, 07:01:18 AM »

We hugged after he brought soup for me and I've never been un-hugged in my life. But his arms were around me at the same time that his whole upper body was stiff and his head pulled away from me.

How did you react to this... .what was his perception?

FF
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« Reply #17 on: August 22, 2015, 01:30:25 PM »

We hugged after he brought soup for me and I've never been un-hugged in my life. But his arms were around me at the same time that his whole upper body was stiff and his head pulled away from me.

How did you react to this... .what was his perception?

FF

I didn't really react. Just went on with things. I believe he left right after that, so it was ok. He has learned that he can punish and control me by withholding physical affection. So I was sure not to react at all.
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« Reply #18 on: August 22, 2015, 01:50:28 PM »

He dried to engage me (fight with me) today via text which started out innocent enough, but I quickly got the angst in his tone. I think I did well redirecting and neutralizing:

Him: "Had you have a great night? What about your health now?" [he initiated conversation first thing]

Me: "It's better dear. Thanks! Maybe you saved my life. Haha"

Him: "Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) I'm happy"

Me: "Well I thought I'm better but just took my temperature and it's 100.6"

"hmmm"

"back up"

"pwoblem"

Him: ":)on't worry about temperature if you feel it better it will just be a perception"

"Keep drinking water and take bath"

"And medication"

Me: "Yeah. I think I have to run the humidifier too because the dry air is always a problem and I feel it in my lungs"

Him: "You ate?"

Me: "Not yet baby"

"Just woke up"

"Was awake very late"

"but ate a lot last night"

Him: "You should try it as soon as you wake up cause you sick"

Me: "Yeah. But it's a lot of work"

Him: "To eat [my nickname]?"

Me: "Yeah. To walk downstairs"

"I ate a lot with Sarah last night"

"A different Sarah than you know. She took me out"

Him: "great I'm happy"

"for you" [this could be where he was triggered or felt invalidated? Because I have someone else looking out for me too?]

Me: "Yeah. My second choice  Smiling (click to insert in post)" [I had asked him if he wanted to eat with me at our favorite restaurant but he said he was busy]

"You got some things done?"

Him: "I'm at [his college] bought the book I'm studying before a bible study I have every Saturday" [REALLY good news that he's getting involved with a group! This is a pretty significant step since he's been resistant to such small group things before]

"Not really have any of the things done"

Me: "Ok. You want any help?  Smiling (click to insert in post)" [or maybe THIS was invalidating to him?]

Him: "In what?"

Me: "anything"

Him: "No thanks I handled everything"

Me: "Good job!"

Him: "Thanks"

"I'm trying it's hard at that time" [always digging for sympathy to make me feel guilty for making his life so hard]

Me: "You ate?"

Him: "Yes"

Me: "Good then I'm happy"

Him: "Are you trying as always to say the same things [I just] said? I'm not sick of fever that's why was happy you tried to eat" [now I can tell he's getting irritable]

Me: "Haha"

"no"

"I didn't think about that"

"Just saying what I feel"

Him: "Ok then was just saying"

Me: "I'm happy you ate because I know you get busy"

Him: "Great if you're happy" [this is cynical coming from him]

"Ok Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) if you happy but you don't know" [I don't know he gets busy]

Me: "Yeah, you're right. I don't know"

Him: "Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) it's like you know cause you accepted easily" [now arguing with me for agreeing with him]

"Ok dako"

Me: "Wi! Dako  Smiling (click to insert in post)" [Kreyol for "agreed"]

"I mean I don't really know how you are now because I only know what you share"

Him: "Yeah and I don't really like to talk mostly because now I learned lot of things" [another dig at me]


I did not respond.

Not exactly sure if I triggered him. I don't think I did. I think knowing I had a friend to hang out with me, might have been the problem, but it could have been absolutely nothing as well.

As always, curious about how others read the exchange based on what you've learned about us.
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formflier
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« Reply #19 on: August 22, 2015, 01:54:23 PM »

 

Can you get into the habit of giving him small things... .glass of water... .small candy... .(the thing is a pretense to gently touch him... )

Say something nice... .light eye contact (NOT intense ... .deep staring... )

You want to get to the point where that is no big deal... .it's just the way you do things...

Any idea what his "love language" is?

My wifes clear #1 is touch.  Hence... .my focus on touch... .it works well for me... .she responds well.

If it seems to aggravate him... .don't push it... let's talk more.

FF
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ptilda
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« Reply #20 on: August 22, 2015, 02:35:34 PM »

Can you get into the habit of giving him small things... .glass of water... .small candy... .(the thing is a pretense to gently touch him... )

Say something nice... .light eye contact (NOT intense ... .deep staring... )

You want to get to the point where that is no big deal... .it's just the way you do things...

Any idea what his "love language" is?

My wifes clear #1 is touch.  Hence... .my focus on touch... .it works well for me... .she responds well.

If it seems to aggravate him... .don't push it... let's talk more.

FF

You forget we don't live together. I've seen him 4 times in the past week or so because of being sick and him helping me. Before that it had been almost 4 months since I saw him except the time he brought the police in so he could move his things out.

He will accept nothing from me.

His love language is acts of kindness. Mine is gifts. He resents gifts. He says when I buy him things I am degrading him by showing him that I am superior to him. So no more gifts. And acts of kindness are difficult because they have to be done in a specific way. He thinks if I do things for him I'm trying to control him and treat him like a little boy. The way around this to get to the love language is what I've been doing. Mention need to him. If he feels that he is necessary to do the job, he will be more likely to want to help. This is a lot of the reason that he likely resented my hanging out with Sarah because he had gotten to the point of thinking that he's all I have and it made him feel powerful. Now I have other people helping me (and I did before, but he would undermine their help as them manipulating me), it invalidates him.

One of the things he mentioned was that he would test the squash soup, so when I'm feeling better, I'll buy stuff for that and ask him over on a Sunday afternoon to try it with me.

Not only is the BPD, but there's a lot of cultural stuff. Haitian men are really arrogant and stubborn people as a rule.
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formflier
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« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2015, 09:03:06 PM »

You forget we don't live together. I've seen him 4 times in the past week or so because of being sick and him helping me. Before that it had been almost 4 months since I saw him except the time he brought the police in so he could move his things out.

Just whenever you get the chance... .

The point is to touch... .without making a point of the touch.

The touch is incidental.

If he is act of kindness (I say service)... .then focus more on what you give him (not as gift... but a service... )

FF
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ptilda
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« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2015, 01:05:37 AM »

You forget we don't live together. I've seen him 4 times in the past week or so because of being sick and him helping me. Before that it had been almost 4 months since I saw him except the time he brought the police in so he could move his things out.

Just whenever you get the chance... .

The point is to touch... .without making a point of the touch.

The touch is incidental.

If he is act of kindness (I say service)... .then focus more on what you give him (not as gift... but a service... )

FF

He has made it extremely clear that there are very few things I'm "allowed" to do for him. He imagines that I plot each day to destroy him and mastermind even his death for my own jollies.

Apparently he believes that my ex from LONG ago and I planned this together. To what end? I know not. But he is convinced that the other guy (who I have zero contact with) and I have a thing going and a plan for him. Huh. That's twisted!

He will allow me to help him find work and whatnot so I've been looking into that.

Tonight he jumped on me after I misunderstood a message he sent me. Started going at me. I had just taken a 10ml dose of cough syrup with codeine and basically it removed my filters. I basically told him I felt disrespected when that former "friend" of mine kept asking about him and commenting sweetly on his photos on Facebook (not mine or ours) and came to our party and brought him a huge gift bag of personal clothing items with nothing for me, but didn't even say anything to me. I basically told him I'm finished talking about the other guy because if I can be an adult and not blame him for the stupid actions of that girl, he can be an adult and not blame me cause this guy came to congratulate him and welcome him home. What was worse?

So I fought back.

I ALMOST don't regret it.

He said he never hurt me. I told him the hurt I suffered from him was almost to the point of death.

Then when I realized my misunderstanding, I apologized for the initial message that sent him off.

Screw it. I'm tired. This isn't fair!
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