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Author Topic: BPD and hypochondria  (Read 438 times)
Jessica84
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« on: August 20, 2015, 06:18:20 PM »

Is there a correlation? Is this common?

How do you know when to take their "symptoms" seriously?

My BPDbf has been trying to die of the same heart attack for a decade. I nurse him only to discover he was just looking for sympathy. He'll complain of chest pains, but all physicals come back fine. He says his BP is "extremely" high, but when I take his reading it's only on the high end of the normal range.

This week I got a text that said "My teeth hurt. Odd. I'm worried." - everything is a sign he is dying.

The other night he asked me to come over "in case he doesn't make it".   

Not to mention how many times he's been playing around grasping his chest and making choking sounds like his heart is stopping. I swear, one day I'm going to step right over him... .while he lay there dying. I wish he would stop crying wolf!
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« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2015, 06:27:02 PM »

I think it is common. I think it might have something to do with hypersensitivity.

Yesterday, he jammed his thumb some how. I spent the rest of the day listening to him talk about how bad his thumb hurt and how it was swollen and bruising and that it might be broken. You would have thought he was dying.
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« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2015, 06:35:35 PM »

Part of it is black and white thinking.  Little pain = big problem.  Catastrophism.  And related to that is a negative outlook in general - focus on the bad and never the good.  I probably haven't spent more than a continuous hour with my with in a long time without her complaining of something hurting.  Head, miscellaneous pain, upset stomach, or just tired.  It's very annoying.  It makes it hard to have a good time with her if 5 minutes after we leave the house she complains of a headache, or kinda hard to get in the mood for sex half an hour after she complained of how much pain she is in. 

Sometimes it may be to get attention.  But I think most of the time they actually are complaining about something that genuinely is bothering them. 
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« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2015, 06:57:42 PM »

Yes, my husband is always complaining about some ailment, whether it be his toes are cracking from dry skin to nebulous back issues that follow any sort of physical exertion that has to do with chores or home maintenance. Guess who does the bulk of the physical labor?

Yesterday I was walking and rubbing my shoulder, on the way to do said physical labor and he asked me if my shoulder hurt.

"Yes," I said. "It always hurts." (I've had one rotator cuff surgery and that shoulder is 85% OK. I've had over 6 years of physical therapy for the other and it's past the point of surgical repair--my orthopedic guy says the next step is a complete shoulder replacement, but I'm keeping it going through exercise and deep tissue massage every other week. I want to wait until the technology is better before I even think about that surgery.)

So he looked surprised. Really? Didn't he notice what I've been through the last decade?

Then he immediately told me that his hip and his elbow always hurt too. (I had never heard that before in all his litany of complaints.)
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Jessica84
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« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2015, 07:19:12 PM »

I guess it makes sense with the black and white, gloom and doom thinking. I'm sure part of it is they also tend to twist themselves up in knots with anxiety. That could cause physical pain. I can't tell what's "real pain" v "BPD pain". Just seems like someone in that much agony wouldn't be able to function as well he does.

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« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2015, 09:05:24 PM »

More BPD amusement in the competition for "Who feels the worst?"

We've had a lot of bad smoky air from distant fires. Due to having had asthma as a kid, I have to stay indoors when the air is thick with smoke. I tend to be really active, so it's frustrating to be confined inside. Today I was working out inside and my husband said, "I'm glad you're feeling OK."

Nice that he's considering how I feel. "Actually I have a bad headache," I said. (I almost never complain about physical ailments BTW.)

"I do too," he replied.

It's hilarious. I think I'll keep a count and when I get five of these competing "poor me, I feel worse than you" comments, I'll buy myself something on Amazon. I've already got two, just in two days.


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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Jessica84
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« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2015, 09:30:20 PM »

 Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Mine is also the king of one-upping. A few weeks ago, I got a sunburn at my mom's pool. Next day he goes out to his pool and sits out there all day with no sunscreen... .WTH?

Life with BPD. It's almost comical. 
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« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2015, 12:07:59 PM »

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Mine is also the king of one-upping. A few weeks ago, I got a sunburn at my mom's pool. Next day he goes out to his pool and sits out there all day with no sunscreen... .WTH?

Life with BPD. It's almost comical. 

You wonder what goes on in their head in that they always have to make it about them and they expect so much sympathy, yet they are so reluctant to give any. I'm not looking for sympathy, but it would be nice to have some acknowledgment that I'm continuing to prepare dinner, do chores, etc. yet I'm not feeling well. When he has any discomfort, he uses it as an excuse to do nothing, so I guess that's where my irritation comes from: different rules for him and me.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Jessica84
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« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2015, 12:51:27 PM »

I hear you. Mine has some empathy, but it looks more like a competition... .You hurt, but I hurt more. You have problems, but mine are worse. (sigh) And even getting the "you hurt" or "you have problems" out of him is iffy.

The truth is I don't have a lot of aches or pains so I don't need a lot of understanding from him. I've been fortunate and I also take better care of myself than he does. I know he suffers physically more than I do - he works longer hours, sleeps very little, poor diet, no exercise... .

I just can't tell the difference between a real symptom and a symptom created for sympathy. For example, "chest pains" is alarming to hear so I worry about him crying wolf on that. He's asked me to come take care of him before, but was fine once I got there.

A year ago he was complaining about his stomach hurting. I'd heard it so much I kind of numbed to it after awhile. Then I get a call from him one night at the ER to bring him some things from home. He was checked into the hospital for gall bladder surgery the next morning. Man did I feel bad for all those times I rolled my eyes as he complained about his belly and popped Tums like candy!
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mstnghu
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« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2015, 02:08:27 PM »

My wife is "sick" on a regular basis. I never even know how to respond to it anymore since I don't really believe her most of the time. She calls in "sick" to work at least 1-2 times a month too and it's actually made me worry about her job security at times.

One thing I've noticed is that if anybody around her starts to get sick then all of a sudden she's feeling sick too. Never mind that she hasn't made any mention of it prior to her finding out that somebody around her was sick. I rarely get sick but when I do I don't like to tell her because she'll ask me all about my symptoms. Once I've described how I'm feeling, she suddenly starts to feel the same way I do... .every single time! If I ever call in sick to work, it means I'm REALLY SICK. She actually has the nerve to give me a hard time whenever I do despite the fact that she calls in sick on a regular basis!
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maxsterling
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« Reply #10 on: August 21, 2015, 03:17:14 PM »

For me, this creates a dilemma in that I don't know what to take serious and what to ignore.  I also want to make sure I am not validating the invalid, or enabling this type of behavior.  Sometimes I will ignore her complaint of pain, and she will be mad that I am not listening to her.  Other times I will take it seriously, and she will be mad that I took it seriously. 

It's more than just "boy who cried wolf", because sometimes when she is just complaining (and not in serious pain) she wants me to take her seriously, other times she doesn't. 
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Jessica84
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« Reply #11 on: August 21, 2015, 03:59:27 PM »

Exactly Max! So what do we do? We can't read their minds. We aren't doctors. We don't have one of those cool Star Trek body scanning devices that detects diseases.

And you're right, we run the risk of enabling, or validating the invalid. Or worse, invalidating the valid.
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Panda39
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« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2015, 04:14:46 PM »

My SO's uBPDxw uses "illness" many different ways I don't know what is real and what isn't but most of the time these "illnesses" temporarily solve her problems.

The doctor says she can't drive

(she likes to be chauffeured and she doesn't have a car)

The dog pulled her down the hill and she hurt her knee so must now go to the hospital (her dog is 10lbs or less and she is 200lbs or more... .must be one strong dog) She lied about getting plane tickets for her and D14 to go to visit her family in Chicago so she made this one up to hide out in the hospital... .so they "couldn't" go to Chicago (so it wouldn't be her fault) .  I should add that she had "chest pain" the same few days before Thanksgiving and went to the Emergency Dept for that too. Kept her under observation... .nothing found.

She has bad knees that need to be replaced

(talked about this for the last few years and walked up 3 flights of stairs to my SO's apt as recently as a few months ago) She finally had knee replacement surgery conveniently right before her criminal fraud case is set to go and because of surgery received a month long postponement of her trial and also gets her pain meds which is her substance abuse of choice. Now she is back in the hospital with a "hospital born" infection of said knee... .oh and a tumor on her thyroid    The already slow wheels of justice will be down to a crawl.

I could give you a laundry list of the millions of dread diseases, illnesses, allergies, and injuries this woman has had but I feel like the villagers in the "Little Boy Who Cried Wolf" I just don't believe any of it anymore.

She has been "sick" for attention, for sympathy, to avoid things, to get things, and to drug seek. Maybe somewhere in there she gets a cold or the flu like the rest of us, but I'm sure if she does it's waaaaayyyy worse than anyone else has ever had.

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"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
ColdEthyl
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« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2015, 04:19:15 PM »

*walks into thread... .high fives everyone... .walks back out*
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Cole
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« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2015, 04:32:40 PM »

Oh, yeah. Big correlation.

Mine has some ailment at any given time. She gets so involved in them she can actually make herself sick. Usually the GP cannot figure out what is wrong and schedules all this testing. The ailments cure themselves before the testing date and she cancels the tests.     
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maxsterling
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« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2015, 05:34:11 PM »

My wife has been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  As I understand it, that is a general diagnosis for otherwise unexplained pain.  We had been together a year and a half, and she complained of back pain every now and then, but rarely of headaches or other pain.  Then she got her wisdom teeth out and was given pain killers.  After that, it was constant complaint of pain, constant trips to the doctor, until one doctor finally told her that he didn't know what other tests to run, that her problem is likely in her brain.  I think this doctor thought she may be just trying to get pain meds. 

Anyway, this went on for 8 months, until a doctor told her she must get off all her pain meds and Xanax if she wanted to have a baby.  So, she stopped.  Then she went to visit her friend who also constantly complains of pain, and now that she has been home, I rarely hear complaints of pain from her. 
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