Backsliding post my op

[Disastra]

Hi,

Well I've been reading the lessons and trying to practice the good advice, some of it's worked here and there too. (I don't look for miracles or instantaneous changes).  There was a big lessening in the triangulation for quite a time.  Far less texting, not mentioning her in every other conversation or story. Not threatening me with the "Well I'll talk to someone who listens to me" stuff.

I must have taken my eye off the ball 'though somehow as that's crept up again recently.  Or maybe it's his reaction to recent stresses.

I've been waiting for a long time to get called in for an operation, and finally 3 weeks ago they gave me a date.  The run up was difficult, he kept dipping into depressions, saying things like 'what will I do?' and "What if you die on the operating table?"  Self medicating with strong alcohol and not eating (His mother's a feeder and he uses this like a weapon to 'get' at me).  

He had several big freak outs because they couldn't confirm if I'd be staying overnight or not.  At one point he even tried to get out of coming to the hospital that evening.

Anyway, I've had the op and got to come home that evening (Tuesday). He's been trying to look after me, and I have appreciated this. He's at least cooked something for us twice.  I'm doing better that was predicted and don't look as if there's anything, but I am in a lot of pain and have to do regular exercises that are very painful and make me very tired.

I had been to an appointment with the physiotherapist today who had worked me hard so I was very tired and in quite some pain.  

He says he's had a hard day (He says this every day 'though) and within 10 minutes of getting in his 'phone starts beeping and he's in a back and forth text conversation.  He's also forgotten to bring anything home for our dinner. (I couldn't shop as I can't carry anything at the moment).

My patience was very thin and I asked him to please not get into the texting tonight as I really wasn't up to dealing with it.

I suggested we order some food in and asked what he'd prefer.  My mistake was to say I'd order it online; This led to a tirade about my internet use.  Particularly the fact that I have a Facebook account (My friends are all people I know from work or our village and our families). That I was having my Facebook affair, that cool people (Such as the work friend he texts) don't use Facebook and that it makes me stupid... .etc. etc. He goes round and round this topic over and over again. I know if I closed the account he'd pick something else.

He then tries to say it's all because he's had a hard day, and that he can't talk to me about his thoughts, but when I empathise and say we are friends as well as married, he can talk to me, he says we are not friends, not like he is with her and that he no longer wants any food because I put him off.

I feel like my not being totally dependant upon him as he expected I would be after this op has somehow set this in motion, but I know he would never have coped with that either.

I've got several more weeks at least of this pain and tiredness to come and I don't know how I'm going to hang onto my patience with him through it.  Particularly if he continues to reverse everything and bring the triangulation to the fore again as that really pushes my buttons.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.