misuniadziubek
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
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« on: August 22, 2015, 12:19:24 AM » |
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I've personally been going through an episode of major depression the last 3-4 weeks. On unemployment and no external support from family, so been feeling pretty isolated. If anyone has gone through depression, they might relate to the constant feelings of hopelessness, regular crying spells, sleeping 10-12 hours a day and barely having enough energy to talk to anyone.
I finally admitted to my pwBPD just how bad things have become for me. We only see each other for about a day a week these days, phone calls 4-5 times a week. Knowing how busy he is with work during the summer, I really didn't want to burden him with my troubles and leave him feeling powerless to help me. Going through depression has kind of set me back in terms of habits and trying to protect him, I guess. But things took a turn for the worse and I started experiencing daily anxiety attacks so after some coaxing from him and seeing him get increasingly frustrated that I won't tell him what's wrong, I admitted that I was barely able to function with the amount of stress I'm going through, especially financially.
He was nothing but 100% supportive, and gave me a few good doses of rationality. He also was incredibly validating, relating to being in my situation financially and knowing how terrible it feels. Instant pick me up taken two days a week. :D
But then he really surprised me. He called my up Tuesday morning to tell me that he'd taken the next day off entirely from work and if I was willing and capable, he wanted me to drive up 1.5 hours and we could go to the county fair together.
It was probably the best day I've had in months. We went on everything, ate weird foods, laughed, enjoyed ourselves, took a spontaneous visit to his aunt and went out for a dinner to belatedly celebrate his birthday from two weeks ago. He was caring, affectionate, and incredibly sweet. We had maybe two instances of him becoming annoyed, but at this point, they pass like an electric current and are quickly grounded.
Even two months later, the after-effects of that no-contact break have maintained. We're no longer enmeshed, as obsessed, codependent, and there is zero emotional or verbal abuse.
He was telling me today how lately when anyone asks him about me, he doesn't even joke, he just straight up expresses that he loves me very much. Kind of the equivalent of me telling everyone that he is my best friend.
I asked him what he felt had changed. He told me it was all the break. Before it, he was always feeling so insecure, unstable, like he had to cling to me as much as possible and spend as much time together as possible. Now he feels like I'm a stable part of his life. That he doesn't have to worry because he knows I'm always there.
He also told me that he really appreciates that I'm incredibly rational even in moments of crisis, something he hasn't experienced with any other girl he has dated and that it calms him down. I told him that we're a team and sometimes when he isn't rational, I can pick up the task temporarily, so it works out.
I guess I'm just really amazed that we can feel this deeply connected and intimate, yet not be enmeshed or ridiculously codependent. This has somehow become the healthiest and balanced relationship I've ever had.
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