Advice, help, Insight..

[Icemanyz450f]

Im in the midst of a trainwreck of sorts. my Girlfriend has BPD and is just now starting DBT therapy for it. The last two years have been such a rollercoaster of good and bad times, but mostly marred by lies, deceit and manipulaition... Shocking isnt it? ... I am still in this relationship becasue I believe there is a good human being in there somewhere, and I want her to escape the "shell cell" that is DBT and find true self worth and happiness for herself, and I have been her only source of support through all of this. SO... Catch 22 is an understatement. I know that there are hundreds more of you folks out there that this sounds all too familiar to, SO I would like some of your insights, ideas, and opinions as to weather or not its worth the time, trouble, and effort to keep persuing this relationship... Ill be glad to share details, so dont be afraid to ask... Thanks in advance for your help and or encouragment

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Icemanyz450f,



As my therapist said, no matter how hurtful and foolish my Ex was, she was still a human being. Though you're frustrated, it's good that you see that. Have you seen the lessons to the right of the board? Its a let of info on BPD, and Lesson 3 has communication tools which can help reduce conflict with a BPD sufferer.

What do you mean by the shell cell of DBT? Do you think it's not helping, or maybe she's just going through the motions?

Turkish

[an0ught]

Hi  Icemanyz450f,

the start of therapy can be a confusing time for everyone involved.

Turkish had a good question on how you see it, I'm curious too 

,

a0

[Icemanyz450f]

Im in the midst of a trainwreck of sorts. my Girlfriend has BPD and is just now starting DBT therapy for it. The last two years have been such a rollercoaster of good and bad times, but mostly marred by lies, deceit and manipulaition... Shocking isnt it? ... I am still in this relationship becasue I believe there is a good human being in there somewhere, and I want her to escape the "shell cell" that is DBT and find true self worth and happiness for herself, and I have been her only source of support through all of this. SO... Catch 22 is an understatement. I know that there are hundreds more of you folks out there that this sounds all too familiar to, SO I would like some of your insights, ideas, and opinions as to weather or not its worth the time, trouble, and effort to keep persuing this relationship... Ill be glad to share details, so dont be afraid to ask... Thanks in advance for your help and or encouragment

What I meant to say was "Purgatory Cell" Of BPD... Not The SHell Cell of DBT... LOL!  good grief , the autocorrect on my phone does some weird things, but that had to be the weirdest of all... SO sorry guys... Yes I looked at the Lessons on the right of the column here, and IM so glad that there is this kind of support and info available...   SO. what I meant by the phrase "purgatory cell" comment was that it just seems that, when left untreated, BPD never allows the person with it to become who they are supposed to, or are capable of, becoming... It almost holds them in purgatory until true professional therapy can improve their lives.

[maxsterling]

Hmm.  Purgatory.  My wife was diagnosed many years ago.  She's been hospitalized many times, been in extensive therapy, DBT, and many other therapies.  Yet, she easily still meets all criteria for BPD.  On the plus side, she no longer uses drugs.  So the therapy and DBT gave her that.  On the negative side, she's still stuck in this phase where her identity hasn't blossomed.  Is this what you mean by purgatory?

Living with/dating a person with BPD will test the very limit of your patience.  It's not for the weak.  My best advice is to learn to accept it rather than expect change.  About all you can hope for is that she continually works on herself and doesn't give up. 

[Ceruleanblue]

From my experience, with my BPDh, DBT seemed to escalate things for a short time, then they smoothed out and actually got better for a while. Now, about 6-8 months in, things have gotten worse again, and he's clearly not using any of the DBT and is just going through the motions by attending. He has papers he should be reading from DBT, and I know he quickly reads it right before T just so he can say he did. That sort of isn't how it's supposed to work.

I think if the pwBPD is serious, and does the work, and wants to get better(instead of just blaming others, which is still what BPDh is doing), then DBT can really, really help. I just wish my BPDh would get back in the place he was in where he was taking it seriously.

If you've already survived the roller coaster, chances are things are going to get a lot better with her in DBT.