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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Inspiration. My Borderline is GONE  (Read 515 times)
JayReader27

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« on: September 09, 2015, 02:50:51 PM »

So I expressed myself to my Ex whom I have a non existent co-parenting relationship with. I told him that he needed to get a phyc-evaluation, and get meds, therapy. I told him that we should not talk unless he was planning to visit our son (which he never has), or our son God forbid is ill. I made it clear every time that he did something I would expose him for what he was, and tell him he needs medical attention(which he is well aware of). Which is one of there biggest fears is the truth. In standing up for what God honors which is truth, I even received a detailed email apology for everything that he has ever done. But, I am smarter than to believe he will ever change. He has disappeared (or left me alone). And I can not be happier  Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)  . I have fully immersed myself in my school, and our son. Most importantly I have really reconnected myself in YWHW (God). I feel amazing! Yaaasss!- to much? I know one day he will be back with some new bullbutter to whisk my way, but Oh baby am I ready for it.

I survived the smear campaign, the lies, the abuse, the consent feeling of stupidity for allowing someone to completely exploit me. I am more than my ex borderline relationship, and so are you.

Those of you still struggling to keep your head above water with your borderline or Borderlines if you are like me that have more than one in your life... .KEEP ON LIVING . You are everything you need to be sane. You are not crazy. You, are a beautifully sane individual. Keep expressing/exposing the truth! Things do get better.  

I believe the hardest part of trying to Co-Parent with a borderline is having to look at the person that you wasted so much time with on a regular basis. It is a consent reminder of a weak point in your life that makes us all feel shameful, or stupid. But, You must forgive yourself and move on. We must realize that we all can do the one thing that they can not which is, HEAL Properly.

Hope you are all on your way to peace, and serenity.  
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AlonelyOne
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« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2015, 05:17:41 PM »

God, I wish that was the hardest part of co-parenting for me. Rather than the

- Unrelentless attacks

- Constant critical emails, criticisms and insults.

- The manipulation of the kids

- Watching your kids be hurt by your ex.

- Having your kids hurt, in order to hurt you.

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JayReader27

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« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2015, 03:52:45 PM »

God, I wish that was the hardest part of co-parenting for me. Rather than the

- Unrelentless attacks

- Constant critical emails, criticisms and insults.

- The manipulation of the kids

- Watching your kids be hurt by your ex.

- Having your kids hurt, in order to hurt you.

   Yes, that is hard. I have not gotten that far with him. Our son is still a baby. I know that he will try but, he will have a hell of a hard time trying to hurt my son with my family around. There are way to many people with badges/guns (police) and briefcases (lawyers) in my family to start any mess.

That is the part that makes them absolutely horrible people, they will hurt anyone... .ANYONE because, they are miserable. I am sorry that you have to go through that with your BPD, especially your LO's. That is just unfair.
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ForeverDad
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2015, 05:04:34 PM »

Protective boundaries are so vital even if it means the other decides to exit.  As you wrote, in some ways it an be a relief not to have to deal with the chaos and concerns.

I think you meant YHWH?
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JayReader27

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« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2016, 01:12:28 PM »

Protective boundaries are so vital even if it means the other decides to exit.  As you wrote, in some ways it an be a relief not to have to deal with the chaos and concerns.

I think you meant YHWH?

absolutely, i have exited.
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JerryRG
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« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2016, 06:31:49 PM »

Thank you JayReader27

You are right, I am ashamed and feel used and stupid. I am recovering and my life can be what ever I choose it to be.

I really want to walk away from my ex but we share custody of our son, she's started a new smear campaign that I never believed she could do. She's dangerous and her behaviours only push me further out of my son's life.

I'm glad you are improving and you see things as they really are.

My ex undermined my parenting and self esteem to the point I just couldn't think of myself as a father at all.

She's going to have to live with her choices, what she does harms our son.
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bus boy
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« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2016, 08:47:58 PM »

Hi Jerry RG. They do that so well, undermine your ability, not only parenting but everything, how you drive, dress, things you do around the house or for them. They suck you dry. The goal in undermining is to break you down, control you. Maybe part of your belief system is taking pride in how good you treat your partner, they pick away at that, they might say you don't treat them right, so you start to question your belief system, than they throw another snow ball, your not a capable parent, you question that about your self. Eventually you are questioning your belief system and they keep at you, your brain is going in circles. They don't have to say something overt, like your stupid, although those kind of words hurt. It can be very simple and short, " who dresses you". That fast, that simple, that short. They are always planting seeds.
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JayReader27

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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2016, 02:00:41 PM »

Thank you JayReader27

You are right, I am ashamed and feel used and stupid. I am recovering and my life can be what ever I choose it to be.

I really want to walk away from my ex but we share custody of our son, she's started a new smear campaign that I never believed she could do. She's dangerous and her behaviours only push me further out of my son's life.

I'm glad you are improving and you see things as they really are.

My ex undermined my parenting and self esteem to the point I just couldn't think of myself as a father at all.

She's going to have to live with her choices, what she does harms our son.

Believe me I grew up with a borderline parent. She will push him away, until she realizes that he has caught on to her BS. I woke up to to my dad's mental instability at the tender age of seven. So be ready for those phone calls your son might sneak out to you, because he is going to seek validation from you to make sure that when his mothers temper is uncalled for that it is not his fault. You sound like a great parent... .keep your head up.

And the stupid feeling eventually goes away. I am at the point now when my ex does something strange or ridiculous I laugh. It gets better. 
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JayReader27

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« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2016, 02:02:11 PM »

Hi Jerry RG. They do that so well, undermine your ability, not only parenting but everything, how you drive, dress, things you do around the house or for them. They suck you dry. The goal in undermining is to break you down, control you. Maybe part of your belief system is taking pride in how good you treat your partner, they pick away at that, they might say you don't treat them right, so you start to question your belief system, than they throw another snow ball, your not a capable parent, you question that about your self. Eventually you are questioning your belief system and they keep at you, your brain is going in circles. They don't have to say something overt, like your stupid, although those kind of words hurt. It can be very simple and short, " who dresses you". That fast, that simple, that short. They are always planting seeds.

I agree, The higher your self esteem is the less they will be able to pick away at your belief system.
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JerryRG
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« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2016, 05:11:18 PM »

Thank you JayReader27

I will keep working on myself for now. Latest word is my exgf was in a fast food place here in our community and my cousins daughter works there, exgf says she's going to make my life a living hell, then approaches my cousins daughter and says, oh, I forgot you are related to him?

So I'm thinking she's plotting more harm for me? She's already tired to make my life hell so will see.
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JayReader27

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« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2016, 05:41:52 PM »

Thank you JayReader27

I will keep working on myself for now. Latest word is my exgf was in a fast food place here in our community and my cousins daughter works there, exgf says she's going to make my life a living hell, then approaches my cousins daughter and says, oh, I forgot you are related to him?

So I'm thinking she's plotting more harm for me? She's already tired to make my life hell so will see.

You are welcome.

Sometimes these people have a vindictive spirit about them from their falsely perceived slights. So she could just be saying that because she knows it will get back to you. Her saying she is going to give you hell is actually a good sign. It means that she is not seeing the reaction that she wants from you, so she is turning it up a notch by trying to worry you. I would still watch out.  BPD's never have any new tricks. Their life is a continuous cycle of self torment. You will probably hear more smearing. Once the smearing runs out, she will find another way to harass you or your family. After that she might abandon that group of people she is smearing your name to and move on to the next object of torture. Then she will attempt to recycle you, and keep recycling every so often. They do not have the ablity to heal properly. She just wants you to suffer as much as she is suffering. My advice would be to ignore it, or find the humor in it and laugh at them.
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JerryRG
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« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2016, 11:08:41 PM »

Thanks JayReader27

You paint a pretty bleak picture of my and our sons future

I hope she gets well before she attempts to cause more harm

Kinda scary

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