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Skills we were never taught
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A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
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Author Topic: Police left to take him for mental assessment  (Read 533 times)
townhouse
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #30 on: September 21, 2015, 10:16:50 PM »

Just saying that I'm alright and still miles away from SO.

Still totally exhausted from the events of the past 10 days and the bruising is slow to go. Black eye has gone but now the whole side of face has turned yellow with bruise coming out. Not painful though. Very lucky there wasn't serious injury.

I have been to a DV counsellor who told me that just leaving as I did was the best thing to do. That any escalation at that time is when really serious events happen. The counsellor was absolutely correct when describing to me how the events took place. He mentioned NPD but said it was probably a combination of a lot of things. He asked if SO stamped his feet and I replied  that he does just like a little child. He also mentioned it was a world wide problem with all cultures showing the same behaviour.

He said not to return to the house without someone with me. I don't intend to go back for a couple of weeks. Although, the assault case will be coming up soon and I 'm not sure whether to go or not.
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Turkish
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
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« Reply #31 on: September 21, 2015, 11:01:00 PM »

I'm glad you're ok and thanks for checking in  

Sounds like you got solid advice from the counselor. Maybe they can give you advice on the court thing as well. Keep us updated.
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jynx
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Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #32 on: September 21, 2015, 11:32:50 PM »

Most courts have a DV advocate.  Find out about that.   
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townhouse
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« Reply #33 on: September 22, 2015, 05:49:28 AM »

Just found out that the police have charged him with assault... .mug shot, fingerprinted, taped statement. The police had told me that he would get off without conviction because it was a first time offence.

However, the "builder" had inquired at the station about whether there was any action that could be taken when SO had threatened to kill him. So that has added to the case against him.

He has also started property settlement with a solicitor against me. I will lose heaps of money. All I worked for all those years. He came into the relationship with nothing and I have tried constantly to get us ahead as a couple and now he forces the sale of  the lovely house we had built for our retirement.

These days I feel like I'm living in hell. Never did I ever dream it would end like this. Yes in the beginning he was eccentric but that's what I loved about him. I believed he had a good heart but it turns out it was all a sham. I've just recently been told that the reason his daughters hate him was because he convinced his the wife to sell their family home in order to buy another and when it was sold he left the family and squandered the money.

I feel this BPD is frightening.
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formflier
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« Reply #34 on: September 22, 2015, 06:00:03 AM »

 


 

I want to join Turkish in saying that I am glad you are safe.

Thanks for checking in.

You may want to consider asking your DV counselor about a lawyer. 

You have significant assets at stake her and there may be a way to protect them while courts sort out things.

I've done quite a bit of house rehabbing as a side business... .I'll try to think about some ideas...

Are you taking walks?  Eating well?  Sleeping well?

FF
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #35 on: September 22, 2015, 09:36:20 AM »

The laws are different depending upon where you live, but I wanted to share my experience going through a divorce with my first BPD husband.

I was the one with the assets, which I shared generously with him throughout our marriage. When it became time to go our separate ways, I assumed that he would be honorable and honest. (Big assumption--and very incorrect)

He claimed everything, even the truck I bought with money I inherited from my dad's death, which happened shortly before beginning our divorce proceedings. So I had to come up with massive paper trails, documenting how everything was purchased with my money.

In the end, the court saw it for what it was and I did have to pay him a substantial sum, which at the time I consoled myself with the thought that the property had significantly increased in value. In retrospect, it was very small amount of money to remove him from my life forever--truly a bargain.

I wish you well, townhouse. It's not an easy place where you find yourself, but it will get better. Some years from now you will be thanking your lucky stars that he's out of your life. I know I did. And I continue to do so every day.    Cat
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