Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 02:43:40 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Need to break-up, step away  (Read 344 times)
NotACaretaker1
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: September 18, 2015, 09:54:22 PM »

Hi. I am a middle aged woman who has been romantically partnered with a woman whom I believe is showing signs of BPD. Every time I break up with her there is a huge emotional explosion, threats of suicide, promises to be better, a honeymoon period - and then it starts all over again. I am extremely emotionally exhausted and could use some detailed advice. Thank you so much!

The details:

Involved for about a year.

Long distance. Most communications over internet.

She insists we fall asleep and wake up together. When I try to remind her how we both agreed there would be boundaries at the beginning of the relationship, I am told I am hurting her, that I am being abusive (?) and need to stop talking about these things.

Who she was at the beginning - whom she portrayed herself to be - is not the person I talk to now.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12105


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2015, 12:32:31 AM »

Hello NotACaretaker1,

Welcome

The break-ups and make-ups sound exhausting. How often do you physically see each other? People with BPD traits often can't stand being alone. It sounds like she is reacting very badly to your boundaries, which sound reasonable in a LDR. We can help you with some validation skills which can help reduce the emotional dysregulation. The suicdal threats sound concerning. They may be manipulative on the surface (it's likely this is just how she operates), but they seem to be yielding the desired reaction (see here for more).

What do you really want out of this relationship?

Turkish
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
unicorn2014
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 2574



« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2015, 12:47:57 AM »

Hi, I'm also in a ldr and my partner also would like to be constantly connected. My partner did attempt suicide twice, I have been called abusive, and when I try to set a boundary my partner sometimes doesn't want to talk about it. I can say it does get better with time if you stand your ground and it's never to late to set boundaries. The more you can read about BPD the better. It also helps to be in therapy. I had to set up rules around going to sleep and waking up and they work.
Logged
babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920



« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2015, 05:39:48 AM »

welcome NotaCaretaker1

You have found a good resource that will help support and encourage you.

There is a tremendous wealth of information on this site.   The best place to start is in the box that runs along the right hand side of the screen,  start at the top and work you way down.   That will provide a quick overview and helpful links.

Dealing with emotional explosions and threats is exhausting.  When I first got here I was pretty near at the end of my limits.   This site helped me a great deal.   

How did you find about BPD?

'ducks
Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!