I'm new to this

[Kassandra]

I am new to this, so I guess I will start by saying that my husband has BPD. We have been married almost six years and almost divorced a few times. We are Christians and involved in ministry, we belong to a motorcycle ministry. We have a good life, some financial difficulties, we struggle with family issues, we have some good times, some bad. I am joining this site because I need a place to be heard. To express my feelings somewhere instead of keeping them hidden inside. I love him but it's exhausting and so hard to deal with sometimes. Of course I'm not perfect I have issues of my own that I continually work on. I have to, being a chemical dependency counselor and working with addicts, I see the things in me that need to change. But sometimes I get so overhelmed, I just need to get it out in a safe place, and maybe along the way I can help someone else I don't know. So Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Blessings 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hello Kassandra,



As a rider myself, a motorcycle ministry sounds intriguing. We're certainly a safe place to process your feelings, so I hope to hear more on how we can help.

Is your H diagnosed with BPD? What specific things have you struggled with over the years which have periodically brought you two to the brink of divorce?

Turkish

[unicorn2014]

Welcome Cassandra! This is a good place to be to vent or air your thoughts or try on some ideas for size. The workshops give some good ideas, I'm currently working through them myself. I hope you find the help you need here!   

[Kassandra]

Turkish

    I hope I am doing this right. Yes my husband was diagnosed when he went with me to a family session with my former therapist. She recommended that he see a therapist but he refused. She gave me the book walking on eggshells to read. It was very enlightening. He picked it up one day and read the back. I got some backlash but he hasn't brought it up since then.

[Kassandra]

Thank You unicorn 2014 for the welcome. i appreciate it. my schedule has been crazy busy but I hope to be able to explore the website more this coming week. i will definetly check out the workshops.   

[Kassandra]

Turkish

    I am sorry I did not answer all of your questions. We have come to the brink of divorce several times and if you would ask him he would say because i wasn't trusting him. But I would say it was because of his inability to set boundaries with others, treating me badly by the way he talked to me, pushed me away, made me feel unloved and unwanted by ignoring me and neglecting me. We have worked hard to get to the place we are now,  but even now i could never be honest with him about the way i feel.

[Turkish]

Turkish

    I am sorry I did not answer all of your questions. We have come to the brink of divorce several times and if you would ask him he would say because i wasn't trusting him. But I would say it was because of his inability to set boundaries with others, treating me badly by the way he talked to me, pushed me away, made me feel unloved and unwanted by ignoring me and neglecting me. We have worked hard to get to the place we are now,  but even now i could never be honest with him about the way i feel.

I feel you here. I was accused of being a bad communicator (some truth to that, I had   from a BPD mother after all), but in retrospect, I could have done better, fleas aside. My Ex felt neglected, yet I felt that she neglected our home, and more importantly, our young children. Some of this was probably normal man-woman stuff, but trying to processes it in the face of an often emotionally raw person who needed cinstant validation was nerve-wracking.

As you go through the lessons, understanding how a pwBPD (person with BPD) thinks is the first step. Learning to better validate the feelings of the pwBPD in our lives is the next. Skip ahead a bit to Lesson 3 and take a look at the validation tools. Though I've always been good with kids, the tools have helped me with them as well.