Rural versus in town lifestyle choices

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I would never have my piano moved by a non-professional. The last price I know my friend paidfor an in-town move was $800 each for a piano and a small organ. So, yes... .one would like to save money, but serious keyboardist so wouldn't do it.

[GaGrl]

I would never have my piano moved by a non-professional. The last price I know my friend paidfor an in-town move was $800 each for a piano and a small organ. So, yes... .one would like to save money, but serious keyboardist so wouldn't do it.

[Cole]

FF,

As a father of a D10, I say go for the country. Horses and a veteran dad toting a shotgun are great for keeping boys away.       

[formflier]

FF,

As a father of a D10, I say go for the country. Horses and a veteran dad toting a shotgun are great for keeping boys away.       

Yep... .the horses thing really works... .  I've bought pink saddles and all kinds of other craziness to go with them. 

Well worth it...

Luckily haven't had to use shotgun yet.

FF

[Grey Kitty]

We went out and looked at several boarding and pasture places.  There are several that seem ok.  Primary concern is not the place, it is family dynamics, decision making.

I thought you said that you had done that for two years, it didn't work out for you (you ended up doing more work than you wanted to and getting less help/support than you expected) and you wouldn't do it again.

Why were you even looking at pasture / boarding if you aren't considering keeping the horses and moving to town?

[formflier]

We went out and looked at several boarding and pasture places.  There are several that seem ok.  Primary concern is not the place, it is family dynamics, decision making.

I thought you said that you had done that for two years, it didn't work out for you (you ended up doing more work than you wanted to and getting less help/support than you expected) and you wouldn't do it again.

Why were you even looking at pasture / boarding if you aren't considering keeping the horses and moving to town?

Trying to see if there is something workable/affordable. 

Very different than actually deciding to do it.  Just gathering information.

I am considering a "test run" to see if wife/family will hang with changes in decision making/priority setting.

As a practical matter, there are two big milestones/decisions. 

Do we sell horse and equipment and never attempt a move the new location.  "Test run" would be to help me make this decision.

When we get to new location (if we get that far) and family's schedule magically fills up with activities and "oops" no time for horse.  Pull trigger on selling horse then.

FF

[formflier]

 

I scanned the post quickly... .and need to give an update.

Wife and I had a talk.  To her credit she listened and didn't JADE. 

I was able to articulate my concerns about living in town/versus country and she was able to understand and say those back.

She agreed with the examples of things that I pointed out as "issues" that need to be fixed.

Some of this is a bit bigger that "just the horse issue".

I believe that kids will be kids.  Whatever "bar" you set for them... .they will jump under it.  They're kids.

It's easier for me to "set the bar higher" on a farm.  So... .yes, they will still jump under it, but they will jump higher than in town and "turn out better".  Learn how to be responsible and all that.

Part of the responsibility is taking care of animals that the family has decided to own.

Anyway, wife says she wants to change the dynamic as well.  That change starts now before offers, before moves... before any of that.

Wife also says that she is fine with selling the horse and getting out of that business.  Not her number 1 choice but she expresses no desire to keep horses at all costs.

FF

[Grey Kitty]

Seems to me keeping horses has a cost that is shared by the family -- moving to a property that can support them... .or a cost that you bear the lion's share of -- going back and forth to take proper care of them.

Your wife wants to keep them but not at any cost. Is she willing to pay the cost of living on a farm suitable for them?

I'm just thinking that using this natural turning point as a way to make a good decision WITH her is far more likely to have a good outcome than later getting rid of the horses because the promised changes from the current circumstances don't pan out or last!

[ydrys017]

FF,

I've not followed all of your recent experiences here, but after reading this thread - I'd vote for the horse farm!  Not because I'm an animal person, (horses scare the poop outta me), but because of the experience the farm will provide for you and your kids. Neither option will appease your spouse in the long run. 

I can relate - on a different level: my kids race cars; fast, expensive ones.  So, I have the 'gear' as well; big truck, long trailer, plenty of parts and spare engines, and, and, and... .it's just a different type of 'horse-power'.  I wouldn't trade these racing experiences with my kids for anything - nothing, and I get ZERO assistance from dBPDw with this endeavor.  When she starts the negativity about the racing, the time, the danger (daughter had a horrific crash her first time out, still contentious... .), the $$$, the options given up, etc... .I now cut the conversation short and walk away - it blows over, every time.  It's not easy, but I stick with this plan and realize that in the end it will be the best for me, the kids, and ultimately spouse.

So, listen to yourself, exercise self-care in making this decision, and realize that neither option will make her happy - yet one of the options will make you and the kids more unhappy.