So are you going to do Legal Separation or Divorce? In general LS is not a solution if it is not a "therapeutic separation", it just delays and possibly complicates a later divorce process.
My lawyer had told me that he has almost never done separations. The reason (in my area) not to do a legal separation with an acting-out disordered spouse is that the first time (separation) you go through the custody process, she may misbehave before the court and evaluator and you will be seen as the better parent resulting in favorable parenting time for you. But if you later decide to take that final step and seek divorce, you may have to go through the custody evaluation all over again and the second time around she may know how to hide her behaviors and she might get more custodial responsibility and parenting time.
Once you file for Legal Separation or Divorce you may not be permitted to change the health insurance status. However, family court is often a place where "it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" and so you may be able to have to get his own insurance before the end of the year. Or, another way, don't sign him up on your insurance for next year so it would lapse at the end of this year. Of course if he doesn't already know then you'd probably have to inform him to sign up for his work's insurance program within its annual enrollment period.
However, you said it's already ended. In that case keep a low profile about that and leave it as it is and by next year, when he will have been able to get his own coverage, it will be a moot issue and family court will ignore it.
If a legal process (LS or Divorce) hasn't been started, then he may not be legally obligated to send child support. If you haven't yet, get legal consultation with a few local family law attorneys.
Thanks guys. I think she has been lying to the DA about some things, and so they will not enforce the support order without a judge. I will probably still send money, unless the L tells me not to.
My lawyer told me that any money gifted outside of a court's order or court's arrangement will be viewed as just that - a GIFT. And that's what my court did. When I filed for divorce and two months later finally had my temporary order hearing, I wasn't asked how much money I had given her, court calculated amounts to start RETROACTIVE back to the date of the court filing. So I immediately had 2 months due. Within two weeks a new month started and CSEA sent me a letter that I was "IN DEFAULT" since I hadn't paid CS in full and would be reported to credit agencies in 30 days. No pro-rating for me to catch up.
Yes, it is proper to show good faith and pay some basic support even if none is ordered, but don't pay overmuch or generously because it is very likely such voluntary payments will be ignored by the court and not allowed to offset or credit a court ordered amount.
Yes, don't have joint bank or credit accounts. He could drain them or bounce checks and make resolution so difficult for you.
As for your daughter, the courts will give you latitude to keep your child safe. If there are no parenting orders or schedules yet, then both parents have equal but undefined/unspecified parental rights. I recall my own separation and my then-spouse refused to exchange our preschooler and the police told me they would intervene for me until I had a written court order in my hands. So don't feel guilted (by him or others) if he wants visitation and you have concerns for her safety and peace of mind. In other words, if the parents disagree on parenting, then to a certain extent possession rules the day until a court makes an order otherwise.
Be careful not to invalidate your daughter, such as by overly-fair and confusing statements like "but your other parent loves you". You want your daughter to observe, evaluate and make conclusions for herself. Support that with proper and age-appropriate Validation. That will help her to not doubt herself. That's a part of growing up to be a healthy individual.
