Scientiae
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
|
 |
« on: October 03, 2015, 05:39:38 PM » |
|
Hello everyone, this is my first post here and I must say I'm really glad I've found such a big community, because, I must say, I was feeling really alone and usually the people I talk about my relationship only have bad comments towards my gf and are extremely judgmental. I hope I can tell my story here and get some advice or at least talk about this. I feel like I need to.
I think I should start with some context of my relationship.
My gf and I met about 8 months ago in a foreing country, we were both quite drunk and have sex the first night we met, but for some reason we stayed in touch. I really liked this girl for some reason, so I thought, why shouldn't I try (I just ended a 4 year relationship that was quite good)?A few days later I receive a message from her, inviting me to go out again, of course I accepted and we started dating. Things were really good, but I started to get a little bit uncomfortable because she talked about her past sex life a lot, with quite some detail and couldn't take any compliments, usually responding with "yeah, a lot of people find me pretty", "a lot of guys want to be with me", "I've been with a lot of men". For some reason I really liked this girl and she wasn't my gf at the time so I got uncomfortable, yes, but it wasn't my bussiness and I had to reason to get jealous or angry at her.
We continue dating for 2 weeks and during that time we became close, talked about personal stuff and she told me she had BPD, and warned me multiple times that if I wanted to be with her, I should know it, because sometimes it gets really bad. I accepted it. I was falling in love with her and she was falling in love with me, but then she had to return to her country that is quite far and we weren't sure and we were going to see each other again. One of the things that made me worry was the fact she asked me more than 3 times a day if I really liked her or if I still liked her. She was more insecure than me, and that's a lot.
Before she left we were actually in love with each other and saying goodbye was really hard for me and for her. We continued having contact by Skype for months and eventually talked about begin bf and gf and seeing each other again, I need to say that during these months it was quite hard because I'm really insecure and I was thinking all the time she was really beatiful and probably had a lot of men waiting for her, I became really scared with the thought she would cheat on me, basically because I had all this things she used to say in my head, things about her sexual past. Also, during all these months of skype, it was quite hard because we became more apart for some time, and she did sometimes and made me more suspicious about her cheating on me; like partying a lot and then sleeping in male friends beds and one time one guy offered sleeping in his place because she had no place to go and was really drunk, she accepted because she's really afraid of letting people down and is quite sensitive when people do "polite" things to her, even when is clearly out of sexual interest (but not doing anything according to her), of course, I asked her to stop, and she did for a while but then she did it again, she slept in this guy's bed after being really drunk in some party, later she told me she couldn't stand the guilt of saying she would stop and not doing it, but assured me she didn't do anything with him, just slept, even when she had sex with this guy before. All my fear grew larger because she admmited that before she basically had sex with anyone in any party, just out of gratefulness or simply out of some pressure, but she assured me all that stopped when she met me, that that was her old self. Needless to say I didn't trust her much, because I had all those things in my head. I need to mention that she told me she had a "relationship" with some 30 something guy when she was 16, that was purely sexual, never without consent but now she realizes that this guy basically abused her because he was an adult and she was just a teenager with a lot of problems (parents didn't care, they were sometimes even violent).
The time finally came and she flew from her country to mine, making a huge financial effort and of course, time. We were together for some weeks, things were good but eventually we started fighting again. To make it short, we had quite good time but also we had fights when she got violent with me because she thought I might hit her (after she told me that she feels like that because her father used to, so now she just reacts to defend herself), also she cut herself in front of me during a fight and tried to do it again a second time. I got scared that she could actually hurt me, because once she said that she felt like, but didn't want to, so I should stop her.
A lot of time she gets really agressive and angry and stops listening to any reason, she even tells this herself, when she's in a good state, and told me the only way to stop this for scalating is ignore and the insults she tells me, and just hug her and prove her I love her more than anything. She's also very very jealous, even of my family. Also, we usually fight because she says I don't pay enough atention to her, sometimes even gets really agressive because of this, because I'm really quiet and she yells she needs more atention. I've seen her in quite bad state when we fight (yelling, hitting herself, cutting, falling to the ground out of begin tired of crying and shaking)
I'm very sad at the moment, I really love this girl but I feel really insecure that she cheats on me, because I can't take all the things she used to say about her sexual past out of my head. She also had some recent episode when she got really drunk and thinks some male friend gropped her and try to sexually abuse her, but she fought back and left the place. All those things stay in my head forever and I can't help it. I became jealous and suspicious of her actions, even checked her whatsapp and found some converstations with 2 of her ex bf, one of them was asking her for sexual pictures, she said no, she was in a relationship now and have 0 interest in him. She told me about this, for all I know she never lies and has basically told me everything about her past, she's been through a lot. Second message she told her ex bf he was always on her mind, when I read this I confronted her and she told me ti was a lie and she only did it because she's still afraid of rejetion and felt he was polite and asked her how she was, so she lied to make him feel good. She has long history of bad guys as boyfriends. The third message I found was her telling some guy that one guy she met was really hot and she was glad she wouldn't be in the same city anymore, here I became really angry and I was sure she cheated on me, she told me she didn't remember writing this message and then told me she lied to me, that she actually remembers but was to ashamed to tell me. That she found this guy hot, she was drunk and horny and sent this message but did nothing, but that was enough and I could break up with her. I didn't, because I believed her but I don't trust her anymore.
Now she's in her country and we are back in the long distance relationship but I'm so scared she would cheat on me and maybe she already did and she's just a big liar. But she never lied to me, often say she hate cheaters and stuff like that. She says she would never do that to me because she loves me, first time she feels like being in a relationship with someone for more than a few months and not because of the guy was hot, now she feels in love for the first time. Tells me that her previous bfs were stupid and I'm not, that she likes I'm well educated and we can talk about stuff.
Please, I need some general advice, I know that's quite long but I would appreciate some thoughts about this or at least talk about this.
Thank you all.
|
