My daughter has been in a residential treatment center in Utah for two months

[Beh134]

Hello friends,

I have a 17 years old daughter that has been in emotional pain since the death of her father three years ago. I don't know if she has BPD, or anything else since nothing was ever diagnosed for sure by any of her doctors except depression at some point. They all felt she is too young and they didn't want to put a label on her... obviously they didn't live with her and I didn't insist since I wasn't sure either. I'm still not sure but I definitely have my suspicions that she might have some biploar or BPD traits.

Finally after three long and excruciating years of being on an emotional roller coaster dealing with her self destructive behaviors and alcohol/substance abuse I finally ran out of options and saw my last resort is to admit her to a residential treatment center in Utah. She had a heart time with the program in the beginning and cried every time we spoke on the phone but thankfully now she is doing better and focusing on her school work and her goals.

Regardless she has BPD or not I believe she needs DBT so I sent her some teen DBT books and I'm educating myself and learning the skills so every time we speak I can use it in our conversations. I think about her all the time and my heart still aches that I had to send her away... but I'm really hopeful. She tells me she misses me

so much and I'm going to visit her in a week or two. I can't wait to see her but at the same time I know it will be hard to say goodbye again!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

What great news! I hope she is getting help. Can I ask how old your dd is? Would you mind telling me what rtc she is at? Or message me privately? I was wondering why the rtc was not doing dbt? So looking forward to hearing more. Please keep us updated. 

[Turkish]

Hi Beh134,

That does indeed sound like a hopeful story! No matter how old we are, it's never too late to take a step back and work on our own methods of communication. The skills I've learned in part here have helped me with my BPD mom, my BPD-like Ex, and also my 3 and 5 year olds. Even though I didn't really have problems with the kids, S5 is more emotionally sensitive than his little sister. I've found that consistent boundaries in combination with validation helped.



Turkish

[Beh134]

Dear jellybeans, my dd is 17 and the rtc is called Lava Heights academy its's the sister property of Falcon Ridge. They do art therapy instead of equine and my dd is very artistic and have always had acting, music and drawing lessons so I felt this program fits her personality better. They're supposed to do DBT and actually the therapist tells me DBT is his specialty but honestly I don't think my dd has got that much of DBT yet since she has only one hour of individual therapy a week and she didn't have a therapist assigned to her until the beg of her second month there... kinda upsetting but for now I'm trying to stay patient and hopeful and do my part by staying involved and using DBT in our conversations and encouraging her to read the book I sent her. I will know more about how the therapy is going once I go there to visit and get to speak to my dd privately. One other thing I'm not sure is if she even clicks with her therapist or not. That again I'm going to find out once I'm there and then I will take it from there.

Dear Turkish, absolutely I agree and I'm glad that the skills have helped you too! I wish I had these tools sooner. Before I didn't know how to react to my daughter emotional outburst I was always on an eggshell of what's right to say and how to deal with her emotions and mine at the same time. Now it's like some body finally handed me a guidebook and I'm loving it... I just follow it and it works.

[livednlearned]

Hi Beh134,

I admire your approach to getting treatment for your daughter even without the diagnosis, and to your own goals of learning about DBT communication.

Your D is in emotional pain and coping in maladaptive ways, and the treatments you describe can help. As parents, we know when something is wrong. In Blaise Aguirre's book on BPD and adolescence, he is irked that providers think BPD cannot be diagnosed in teens, and makes a good case for turning this tendency around. 

That must've been so hard to hear her in tears every time you talked, and to send her away when the two of you miss each other. And I hope that the rtc starts the DBT soon. Do they answer your calls and explain things when you talk to them?

[lbjnltx]

Hello Beh134,

I'm so glad you are here and that you love your daughter enough to get her the help she needs. 

I've been down the road you travel and the first 2 months of RTC can be concerning... .so many questions, so many concerns, so much uncertainty.  You are right to be patient and I encourage you to work closely with your d's therapist.  If Lava Heights is modeled after Falcon Ridge you will have that opportunity to voice your concerns, be a team member, and rebuild your relationship with your daughter as you build your skills as a parent to a child with a disorder.

Is the group therapy model at Lava Heights PPC?  My daughter benefited greatly from PPC.  She was in desperate need of learning about boundaries so equine hit the mark for her and one of the reasons I chose Falcon (Lava Heights wasn't even finished when my d graduated from Falcon).

lbj

[Quama]

Dear BEH134,

I am so glad that you decided to come here.  It's been a resource that I just couldn't have made it through the last few months without.  Also, we have quite a bit in common.  My daughter is going to Lava Heights on Friday Oct. 16.  I would love to chat with you to compare notes.  I am confident this is necessary but also very sad and worried.  We've never been apart for more than 2 weeks.  My daughter and I share a very strong bond, it sounds like you have the same with your child.  But it's actually getting in the way of progress, very easy to blame everything on the person closest to you.  This will hurt, being apart, but I am certain my child can better understand herself without me triggering, rescuing, and yes enabling at times. 

I know the first 2 months will be very difficult, but unfortunately no more difficult than the past 3 years.  The rollercoaster just keeps going faster and we absolutely need to stop it.  You may have felt similarly before deciding on RTC.  It's a tough decision.  Hearing your experiences would be of so much value to me. 

Best of luck and hope to hear from you soon!

[Jae]

This is my first post on this site.  We started suspecting BPD for our daughter when she was 16. We got no support for our therapist when we shared our perspective nor when we broached the subject of residential treatment.  Fast forward a year... .after a disastrous stay at a creative art therapy/dbt rtc in Salt Lake City, our daughter is in her 5th month at New Haven and the change has been unbelievable.  Still a long way to go, but we have seen very positive results with their relationship focused approach. One girl who just successfully completed the program told me that the previous place whe want to taught her dbt skills to deal with her emotions... .but new haven helped her recognized and control the issue that was driving the emotions... .I'm not saying it exactly right but that they helped her fix the issue, not the symptom.  As someone who was desperately looking for a good fit, I thought I would share.