Social Media

[stacma04]

So long story short my ex broke up about 8 months ago, during that time I went strict no contact, he came back after about 6 months apart. During that time he met OW. He breaks up with her (supposedly) and gets back with me because he loved me(supposedly) and he was just oh so miserable for not having me in his life( eyes rolling) Now, we've broken up countless times in the past and got back together a few months later. never really given an explanation as to the reasons for the breakup . Anyways after getting back together this last time we talked about marriage, getting ready to look at wedding venues and also went to look at  engagement rings that Saturday, went to church on Sunday and by Monday afternoon. less than a month of  getting back together he breaks up with me again and tells me to move on with my life and he can never commit to me. We have now been no contact for about 4 months. Now 1 month after breaking up with me, he gets engaged to the other woman he went back to. Now a few days ago I stupidly checked his Instagram and FB, and boy is he ever so happy. He is all about his new family, there a a ton on postings on instagram about how lucky he is how much he loves his fiance, doing things that him and I never did when we were together. I came across a few quotes that he has on his instagram page"

"When you find a woman that is too good for you, you become a better man for her, that is how you get to forever" (and of course he posts that with her picture)

This quote was made around the same month we broke up:

Do not desire what you had in the past, love what you have now, because what you have now is among st the things you've always wanted

That was obviously directed at our situation because I was what was in his past.

Anyways my other favorite quote on his page"

"a coward is a man that arises a woman s love with no intentions of ever loving her" (Bob Marley) shocked

Honestly I read these and don't really know what to think. Do all these postings mean that this person has now changed and is the perfect guy? I never experienced the rages, but I did get the silent treatment at times and the breaking up countless times during the relationship. ( I think he'w more narcissistic than BPD to be honest, no empathy or remorse whats so ever Does this mean that he actually found the one and he's so very happy? it almost seems that his life has completely changed for the better. And according to the first quote I listed, apparently I was just not good enough.


Can someone please, please, please point out the craziness in this situation , is it normal to flip flop between relationships? is it normal to break up with someone, break up and then get engaged to the other person in the space of a month? Is that love or infatuations? I'm so confused,maybe I'm just out of touch with reality. I'm sure that now he's engaged and so in love he'll leave me alone for good.

[problemsolver]

I'm not the most experienced member but I've read something like this over and over... But to answer your question is it normal for them to bounce from relationship to relationship? Yeah... .I can only speak on my experience but I was with my BPDex... I was starting to detach in a sense and she was devastated... So much so she was planning a random trip 1000 of miles away just to ease the pain... I took her back for a few weeks after that she calmed down ... Cancelled the trip... As soon as we started talking about fixing things BAM! "I don't think we should do this" so this girl who was having a mid life crisis switched a light switch like a week later and she was okay... I was left feeling distraught... She felt okay why? She went back to her ex almost in one swift motion... So she continued to ride the wave she didn't have to stop getting sex or attention... So he filled her void , and made him feel like he "won" her back ... In reality the pain was so deep she needed something... Then she rode that wave into another guy (can't confirm) but 90 percent sure so now she has new boy plus old boy still on the hook and I'm on the outside. It's pattern for alot of BPD's. Being alone is too deep


regarding his words; my exBPD would say anything to keep me or her ex on the hook... .She told him I was just a friend and we only kissed ... .She told me she hadn't spoke to him in months and he wasn't in her life... .Basically the exact opposite he never really left her life... And I wasn't just a kiss master... We were attached by the hip for months and very sexually active ""  was

[problemsolver]

over... But to answer your question is it normal for them to bounce from relationship to relationship? Yeah... .I can only speak on my experience but I was with my BPDex... I was starting to detach in a sense and she was devastated... So much so she was planning a random trip 1000 of miles away just to ease the pain... I took her back for a few weeks after that she calmed down ... Cancelled the trip... As soon as we started talking about fixing things BAM! "I don't think we should do this" so this girl who was having a mid life crisis switched a light switch like a week later and she was okay... I was left feeling distraught... She felt okay why? She went back to her ex almost in one swift motion... So she continued to ride the wave she didn't have to stop getting sex or attention... So he filled her void , and made him feel like he "won" her back ... In reality the pain was so deep she needed something... Then she rode that wave into another guy (can't confirm) but 90 percent sure so now she has new boy plus old boy still on the hook and I'm on the outside. It's pattern for alot of BPD's. Being alone is too deep


regarding his words; my exBPD would say anything to keep me or her ex on the hook... .She told him I was just a friend and we only kissed ... .She told me she hadn't spoke to him in months and he wasn't in her life... .Basically the exact opposite he never really left her life... And I wasn't just a kiss master... We were attached by the hip for months and very sexually active she was my girl... Did she need to give out the info? Not necessarily but... .If your dating someone you can let it be known? But the disappointment we would have from her being honest would mean she would lose one of us not on her own terms you know?

she just eventually got tired of the passive games and painted me black... Too stressful to play 2 people that care about you

As for social media... It's hard not to look into quotes and what not... But in reality you have to know that not all the quotes are about you

... I would do the same as you... Lurk twitter or something for clues and you just end up trying your best to make the quotes about you... .My BPDex recently wrote" you don't miss me cause I'm gone... You miss me because I'm doing better"... .Is that really about me? Debatable... Does it fit me yeah... Does it fit her her ex yah... Does it feet someone she may have recently got close to? Yeah... Do I want it to be about. Me? Of course... I want her to be thinking about me... If she's writing sad quotes I want it to be about me because it take's away pain after the discard... But it's hard to read into that... It could be a new obsession... You? Ex girl? Girl from high school trying to get back in his life?

sorry for the double post... Phones messing up

[rickdeckard]

Oh, how I lurked social media. Hoping to see the new R/S fail with replacement. Similar to you, I saw her change status and get married. Within 3 months b/u of 'us', less than one month 'I want to spend all day in bed with you', and 7 days of 'I really did and will always truly love you'.

She jumped between me and him several times. I had to face it. She is lying to me or him. I have decided it was/is both, so NC for me and whatever they do is whatever they do. Not my circus... .

Long story short, it did and is failing with her and replacemeant.

And this has nothing to do with me.

What is the relationship of two people, not in my life, to me?

Why is it still in my thoughts, and why is it in yours? What are we looking for? What is this doing for us?

What are these thoughts doing for you?

[Mutt]

Does this mean that he actually found the one and he's so very happy? it almost seems that his life has completely changed for the better. And according to the first quote I listed, apparently I was just not good enough.

Our love is not above the disorder and it won't cure mental illness, BPD is a serious disorder, a pattern of chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, he has to commit to intensive therapy in order to get better.

[stacma04]

Hi rickdeckard... Thank you and everyone else who responded. rickdeckard to answer your question about what it is that I'm looking for? I'm looking for some time of validation that it wasn't me. I cant help but feel that this was my fault. I want to know if I'm the only one he's every treated like this because he just didn't love me. Will he discard his new fiance/wife the same way he did me? It just seems like he's head over heals in love right now, and cant help but feel that he just didn't want Me. I guess I'm looking for just a hint of validation even though I know I will never get it.

[shatra]

Does this mean that he actually found the one and he's so very happy? it almost seems that his life has completely changed for the better. And according to the first quote I listed, apparently I was just not good enough.

-----Reading other posts, he may write on social media about ideal fantasies that are different than reallity... .or it could be that the current honeymoon feels "great" to him, but that feeling and distorted view will not last.  Re: you not being good enough, sounds like you take it personally. It's part of the disorder to split all good and all bad, and part of the disorder to push someone away and then pull them back (whether they are good enough or not is not the cause, it's part of the disorder)

[hopealways]

There's no way to make sense of a disordered individual's actions.  Your ex is probably posting these because he knows you are reading them and it's one way to hurt you even more.

[Learning Fast]

I'm with hopealways on this one.  Think about it----social media is the ideal platform for someone with BPD (or anyone for that matter) to craft/sculpt/shape their own narrative unfettered---without any blowback (seriously---have we ever not "liked" something on FB?).  That being said (and please---I'm not endorsing FB prowling), if you can be clinical and not emotional, check out your BPD's postings on FB or other SM.  IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM.  Then check out someone else who you respect for their values, virtues, etc.  IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT THEM.  Because they have total control of content how they portray their lives on SM is nothing more than an amplification of what we've witnessed in person.

[ReneeMurphy523]

Totally agreed, learning fast.  My ex is all about his SM profiles.  I feel it is a vessel for him to pretend to be the person he perhaps wishes he is.  I took a vow almost a couple of months ago not to look, and I've kept it so far.  Even though I know what he posts mostly is attention seeking and striving to look a certian way, it is still hard and too fresh for me to see.

But you are completely right, the people I respect truly, are not SM over-sharers.  They barely use it, and if anything, have more full and complete lives than the people I know who use it constantly.

It is the perfect platform for them to project their false selves, which at the end of the day is a completly empty thing.  It can be hard though, when the wounds are still fresh and healing, you believe what they are posting :-(  Cause we are not seeing things objectively.

Really though at the end of the day, I know logically, it's all BS.  This is one of the few things, how silly it is, he can rely on to feel better about himself.  How fleeting and ridiculous is that?