Problems might be worse than BPD/Looking for others

[ambivalentmom]

Hello BPD Family.

I've been on this site for a bit and occasionally read backstories to understand a little better before I reply.  I came across a remark about animal abuse and a response saying that it sounds like something worse than BPD.  While that may be true or not, it did give me courage to start this post about severe issues along with BPD traits (raging, emotional abuse, being painted black, etc.).  I wanted to post this on coparenting because I think having to continually work with my ex on visitation and thinking about my D12 being with him is making it worse for me than just knowing he's out there.

Does anyone else on this site co-parent with unsuspected murderers, rapists, animal killers, abusers along with the physical/verbal abuse.  I have already talked to Ls and Ts, they all say that any reports on past events without evidence would only discredit me and I could lose custody of D12.  Is this a place to talk about this?  I wanted to be more forward about this because I am being treated for major depression and PTSD and really need someone to talk to that have similarities.  I always feel like I'm going crazy and can't figure out what really happened in my mind.  I have been talking with someone about getting a polygraph, but I don't know what that will help.  I will never get resolve, but I will also never feel safe.  I know my feelings are legitimate, but I need to connect with more people who are going through this because I'm having trouble believing my feelings myself.

Anyone out there going through this and have ideas to help me cope?  Thank you always for your support.