Two of them in my life?

[foggydew]

BPD friend is miles away and lonely. A girl I know has begun skyping and chatting to him... .and me. I thought originally that they might get on well together, and they seem to, but I'm getting concerned at her behaviour towards me. We go for a coffee together sometimes (fine) and she has spent a lot of time talking to me on social media ... telling all kinds of personal things. Fine. But the amount of time she spends doing this is of concern - she doesn't seem to spend so much time with her siblings, friends, family. As at first she was in a relationship and told me she was flirting with BP friend, I asked her to respect him as he is easily hurt. A couple of weeks later the relationship finished, and she wanted me to give her support during the next couple of days. OK, that you do for friends. Last night she wanted to talk and kept getting panic attacks, so I tried to talk her through them and be around.  I stayed up way too late to do this... .and she fell asleep ... .I was really worried at first because she didn't answer.  Then she contacted me in the early hours, though she knew I was sleeping and had to get up early.

Somehow I'm getting red flags about this. I can almost always predict what she is going to do. I'm beginning to get the feeling she wants to get to BPD friend through me, and that her connection to me is not at all ok. It would be nice if BPD friend had a good relationship with someone who likes me too. I haven't told her much about him, except to prepare her for his non-communication and distance, and I have hardly mentioned her to him.  What she told me about her conduct to her ex was also not on my radar for a loving relationship - and her lack of close friends... .I'm feeling nervous.

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[babyducks]

hi foggydew,

trusting your intuition is self validating.

if something strikes you as odd about this girl, then until you figure it out, proceed with caution.   trust but verify. 

and maintain your own personal boundaries.   protecting our own personal boundaries is something we should do in all relationships.   not just our relationship with our person with BPD.

'ducks

[foggydew]

Thanks, 'ducks. I have been trying to keep the contact to her at a normal level, but she still surprises me all the time. She picks up expressions I use, and uses them obviously. Takes on interests and even listens to the same radio programmes. Says she needs a lot of control in her life. Contacts me frequently.

I'm feeling very nervous about the relationship she is starting with pwBPD. It's difficult enough him going away and beginning a relationship ... now I seem to be walking about with a feeling of impending doom.

[waverider]

Be very wary of getting caught in triangulation as this could seriously upset your own relationship with pwBPD.

Sounds like you are suspecting a degree of insincere mirroring happening.

Do you feel like bonding is happening unnaturally fast/

[foggydew]

Argh... .I'm so annoyed with myself. BPD  friend came back for the weekend and to come to a party I have every year. I helped him in the morning, and he said he would help me. There was a lot to do... and who didn't help? The prospective girlfriend also came to the party... and I'm afraid I had too much to drink and told her how annoyed I was that he hadn't helped, and how childish he could be. And a couple of other things which she had already seen.  Well, they didn't get closer (not yet anyway) and I wish I hadn't opened my mouth.