Same Excuses/Reasons?

[losingthewill]

Does your partner have the same reasons or excuses for every time they leave?  Like each time it is as though they copy and paste sentences from the last time? 

If they finally left for good... .was it the same thing or different?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

My ex used the same line to "excuse" most of her really hurtful behavior and her first discard.

[waverider]

Repeating something that seemed to fit easily, as though it's not been done before is common. It is part of what often makes BPD behavior predictable.

It is almost as predictable as the kid who claims the dog ate my homework and gets away with it, then expects to turn up every monday morning and claim the same excuse expecting to be believable, because it was last time... They simply cannot see the difference that compounding coincidences make... Hence when a pwBPD blames everyone else they fail to link they are the consistent and common factor and so empirical evidence points to the fact that they must have something do with.

It is an inherent  ability to deny the obvious, and a major hurdle to learning from experience

[sweet tooth]

Yes. What I always get:

"I need to work on myself."

"I'm not ready for a relationship."

"It's not you, it's me."

"I need time to heal."

OR the absolute worst:

Nothing. No communication.

[pumpkin79]

I have been discarded three times by the same person. She's crazy about me for awhile and then one day the excuses I hear out of the blue are similar each time. ...

I'm not ready for this

You're a good friend. I just want to be friends

I'm too busy

You scare me

You're too much for me.

It's worded slightly different each time,  but very similar excuses

If I try to talk to her at all she cuts me out, blocks me and acts like I don't exist

She has apologized twice and admits her fear but always repeats her running away behavior.

[losingthewill]

Mine always says... .

You'll find someone better.

I should be alone.

I have nothing to offer you.

I can't make anyone happy.

You'll find someone that will love you the way you should be loved.

Move on.

Let me go.

[Climbmountains91]

Mine was, his exact text...

I don't want to lose you as a mate I just can't be in a relationship with anyone you would be the first if my mind was right but it's not and I can't bare to string you around I'm always hurting you by stringing you around and because I hurt you I hurt myself also, I know, I will spend the rest of my life if nothing ever works out in the future , sorry from the very pits of my heart and sad that it didn't work maybe one day when ur single stuff maybe different but all I can say is sorry''

Above was after a recycle from him.

Also...

''i feel dead inside to relationships, i don't have any interest in them, i don't think about them''

I cant help but see truth in these but still hurts. We are seperated.

Also had the its not you, its me etc... he wants to be friends. sigh

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

Repeating something that seemed to fit easily, as though it's not been done before is common. It is part of what often makes BPD behavior predictable.

It is almost as predictable as the kid who claims the dog ate my homework and gets away with it, then expects to turn up every monday morning and claim the same excuse expecting to be believable, because it was last time... They simply cannot see the difference that compounding coincidences make... Hence when a pwBPD blames everyone else they fail to link they are the consistent and common factor and so empirical evidence points to the fact that they must have something do with.

OK, I get a lot of BPD behavior, where it comes from, and how it affects us all day to day... .

I do see this type of behavior with my uBPDw, but I just don't get the connection to what the accepted origins of BPD are.

Is it simply they reason like children?  If not what is it about BPD that causes it?