What was my trigger?

[alwaysloving]

So this is the crazy thing... 24 hours later she was nice talking on the phone... 48 hours later video chatting and I sent her a sexual video which turned her on... Now day before yesterday she got very drunk... called me early in the morning and we talked for about 30 min and most of it was her feeling bad about drinking and how shes never going to drink again and so on and she went on to say it's never going to happen again (she called her ex) but she wanted to tell me it's never going to happen again... So I said ok I trust you.

Now today totally different... it start off with her saying morning and and so on. but around 1 PM shes like ":)id you tell your mother that we are in a relationship?" And that's when I knew whatever answer I gave was going to set her off... I told her I said we are just talking and she's like "We are not" Now... I stopped to think about how she responded to my texts and videos... first of all she tells me shes horny and she could use some oral sex... so I send her a picture and shes like I don't like hair... now the next day she flips out because I said we are just talking... Now mind you she get really cranky and started saying I'm just coming over to your house for Thanksgiving because I see you as a really good friend blah blah... after Thanksgiving this will be the last time you will see me and I want you to respect my wishes. Again mind you 3 days before shes like I need you here... So after I got her to be relaxed by validating and saying We can be friends and it wont happen again she said OK thanks.

This is why I don't believe that shes going to not just go away some terms she used hinted at it's still open and she with just OK and not complaining about much of anything else.

Another thing is I don't understand how she says she wants to just be friends but yet she tells me oh guess what I'm doing? I'm masturbating or she will video chat showing that she is... I don't get that.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

It represents how she feels at that moment.  Here emotions change much more rapidly that ours do.

FF

[alwaysloving]

It represents how she feels at that moment.  Here emotions change much more rapidly that ours do.

FF

the night before last she sent me a text while I was sleep asking where in NY would I want to live, i guess she was expecting me to say where she lives which I knew was going to trigger so I played it safe and just said near a highway.

[formflier]

It represents how she feels at that moment.  Here emotions change much more rapidly that ours do.

FF

the night before last she sent me a text while I was sleep asking where in NY would I want to live, i guess she was expecting me to say where she lives which I knew was going to trigger so I played it safe and just said near a highway.

I think you are overthinking your responses. 

If you think you need to avoid an answer... .say you are not sure and need to give it some serious thought... .

FF

[alwaysloving]

It represents how she feels at that moment.  Here emotions change much more rapidly that ours do.

FF

the night before last she sent me a text while I was sleep asking where in NY would I want to live, i guess she was expecting me to say where she lives which I knew was going to trigger so I played it safe and just said near a highway.

I think you are overthinking your responses. 

If you think you need to avoid an answer... .say you are not sure and need to give it some serious thought... .

FF

Maybe I was overthinking... I sent her a picture of the sunrise from this morning and she said good afternoon and asked how I was doing and how was work pretty much normal right now

[formflier]

pretty much normal right now

The key is for you to stay this way... .when she starts zigging and zagging... .

Not reacting will help her get back to baseline a bit quicker.

FF

[alwaysloving]

pretty much normal right now

The key is for you to stay this way... .when she starts zigging and zagging... .

Not reacting will help her get back to baseline a bit quicker.

FF

Ok

[waverider]

As FF says, if you dont have a natural and truthful answer dont be pushed into second guessing what might be appropriate to avoid triggering. The 'need' to keep looking for triggers wont go away and you need to learn to diffuse them otherwise you will go into JADE mode and be pushed into saying something you are not confident about.

ie if you keep running to stay ahead sooner or later you will trip up, and at the same time you set a precedent for her to chase you until you do. Best not to start running in the first place.

[alwaysloving]

So I guess I'm about to be painted black...

I don't understand what's the point of wanting to come to thanksgiving dinner but telling me this will be the last time you will see me and you don't want to remain friends.

[formflier]

So I guess I'm about to be painted black...

I don't understand what's the point of wanting to come to thanksgiving dinner but telling me this will be the last time you will see me and you don't want to remain friends.

There is likely not a point that you will understand....

I used to make the mistake of trying to "logically" work through the distortions that came out of her mouth.  And I would grow quite frustrated that I couldn't connect the dots... .and usually that involved me trying to convince her that she wasn't making sense.

I say this because my guess is that somewhere in your mind... .you want to understand... .so you can help her understand that she is wrong... .unreasonable... .or whatever.  That was the case for me.

Step 1... .stop trying to convince her or figure out ways to convince her that she is not making sense.

Step 2... .stop trying to figure out crazy things.

Step 3... .take stock of all the extra time and energy you have now that you are not spending it on  steps 1 & 2.

Step 4... .decide to spend that time and energy on a quality activity for you... .like fishing!


FF

[alwaysloving]

But I guess what I'm asking is why does she still want to come for thanksgiving but after that in her words never wants to see me or talk to me again? I don't put much thought into it since I've seen it happen before but it seems like she's more sure this time it just seems pointless

[C.Stein]

Doesn't want to be alone on Thanksgiving?

[alwaysloving]

Ok I wont try to make this long but long story short she never came on Thanksgiving... she tried to say she had to work on that day but I called her job on a day I knew she was not working and they told me they would be closed... she still tried to tell me she was working and all and by sending me a picture of her work schedule... seemed a little shocked I called her job but I never responded to her when she asked if I called or not...

OK she got a watch for my birthday which is $275 and she went around asking friends about it and her mother got word of it and her friends and mother was wondering who and why is she spending all this money for someone... Her friends said that's something you get a special person... OK so my mother came around we were to meet up that night but I got in late so the next morning we hung out... .she asked me what I wanted to do and we went out to eat... Well of course (she told me this around thanksgiving day) I may not want to be your girl but that does not mean we can't be friends... So after lunch we drove around and as you know she got sexual again... I hinted at that I needed to call the hotel to see if my room was ready and to check in... she was ready to hop out of the car so I dropped her off... Now maybe 2 hours later she texts me saying we should have sex... and shes like no strings attached right? So I agreed... long story short she complains that she is taking antibiotics for a UTI and shes just coming off her period and shes very sensitive... so she claims she was ready (I was not coming out unless she was 100% sure) but in the end I heard the same story about being on her period... I wished I had $5 for each time she said that...

SO... more recent I asked her if she wanted to see the tree lighting and she told me she was going to be at work and she said sorry boo... And 5 min later she says so Mike I have a boyfriend now it just happened ! Then she went on to say but you know how I get with a range of emotioncon from excited to sad to embarrassed... so I said yeah... and she sends a wink... so I'm trying to get my watch from her and shes like I don't know when she said she had a date that night which she did as I saw on the guy's page (very suggestive picture) she called me mid afternoon but I never called her back... I was wondering what she wanted... last time I called her back she never called back but when I asked her about it she said it was nothing... a person was telling me she was just calling because of wanting me to validate her object permanence issues?

[alwaysloving]

Wow from the stuff she posts she makes it sound like she don't have BPD at all she finally posts a picture of them together on her facebook page and on the page she was like she finally let someone in... ? I'm confused so what was it for everyone else? Because the guy already has kids or did he buy you a bunch of stuff? it feels like another knife to the heart!

[unicorn2014]

May I ask what level of commitment there is in your relationship?

[alwaysloving]

May I ask what level of commitment there is in your relationship?

I was 100% committed... .I'm typing this in a sort of angry mood because it's all just baffling to me... .

she told me things like she does not B.S. around when it comes to relationships and all told me things like shes not ready/ wants her freedom, does not want to always have to plan to make time... but what does she do out of the blue (mind you after stringing me for sex but never gave it) tells me she has a boyfriend and says you know how I get... and while she did not post right away she did finally post his picture of him and her on her facebook but after 31 likes she finally removed it and he removed his... I felt so small, all that stuff she said is what makes me upset... she took her dating profile down on Nov 28th... and told me on tuesday that she had a boyfriend... I have her on whatsapp so I can see how often she would log in and chat... now before this guy (could of been taking to him for awhile) she would be on often like a few times a day... but now that she says shes with him shes hardly on it maybe once or three times a day...

Mind you this girl told me I was the only one she wanted to be with holding my hand and all but then splitting but then calling me one day and telling me she wanted to see me and I better be at her job at such and such time... .hung out that night and so on... but this guy comes along and now she says she loves him at least one picture kissing and the other them looking at each other... how painful because I still picture myself with her holding my hand and rubbing my neck and us singing in the car...

The fact that she said "It just happened and you know how I get with a whole range of faces from excited to sad to embarrassed... she wants to keep me as a friend which I assume I would be second in line... .

but just that same day on Nov 28th she was saying stuff like I was looking for a 2 bedroom apartment for us... US... .

But the crazy thing is now for how it seems shes acting like a non BPD... she finally took down her dating profile (I would of loved to see how he made her do that!) and shes not signing in online always taking about being single anymore... Now while she did have the picture up of them on her facebook page she has since then took it down and I don't know if the mother made her do it or the load of guys on her hidden friends list is bombarding her with messages.

[unicorn2014]

I am very sorry you got so hurt. It sounds like she was the one who wasn't committed. Did you ask her up front if she was interested in a committed relationship?

[alwaysloving]

I am very sorry you got so hurt. It sounds like she was the one who wasn't committed. Did you ask her up front if she was interested in a committed relationship?

yep I did and she said she was serious... she played around to the very end... but I don't get how a pwBPD can act like a nonBPD it's the part that's so confusing now... when I was with her as soon as i got home she was right back on the dating site or she would do stuff like I know send nude pics to other guys she would say sexual things to me but never back them up she always had a excuse... the first time we met she kissed me with in 15 min and later said I was moving too fast but when it was her that started it.

I'm not sure if she's in the love bombing stage or what the same night that she took her profile down she wanted sex with no strings attached but again it never followed through

[unicorn2014]

So this is an improving thread. Do you know where you stand on your own sexual boundaries?

[alwaysloving]

So this is an improving thread. Do you know where you stand on your own sexual boundaries?

It's not me! shes dating this new guy but all the other time she was telling me things like she did not want to be in a relationship to be held down and to have to always make time to plan but that's what she is doing down but all the other time she was playing and stringing me along with other guys.

[unicorn2014]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

[alwaysloving]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

[unicorn2014]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?

[alwaysloving]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?

right now no... but she has a gift she has of mine last I know of she wanted to mail it to me when I asked but then it changed to me wanting to come pick it up... now I'm sure it's going to be mail again... I do notice when she gets rid of a guy she ends up calling me or texting me... That's how I know things are not going well and I feel she does that to use me as a ego boost but not to be in a relationship with me.

[unicorn2014]

It sounds like you have a good understanding of the disorder and the relationship. What is it you would like to get from her in terms of needs met at this point in time? (Please excuse the awkward grammar, it's late)

[alwaysloving]

It sounds like you have a good understanding of the disorder and the relationship. What is it you would like to get from her in terms of needs met at this point in time? (Please excuse the awkward grammar, it's late)

I would say relationship but right now that's not a good idea... I'd say friendship... but I have a question... say this relationship fails wont it be that much harder for her to be this close like shes with this guy now? I feel like I wasted 8 months.

I mean she told me things like she had to find herself and explore...

[waverider]

Being this close with this guy is her perception at the moment, if it fails she will rewrite that persepctive

[alwaysloving]

Being this close with this guy is her perception at the moment, if it fails she will rewrite that persepctive

This is just me but I see these all as red flags to me

1. Waiting for the month to be over so soon

2. Told me via text that you know how I get  :D :P :-\ :-X :blink: I responded yeah... and and she responded  :P

3. She took down the pictures of him and her I love you on his page and pictures on her wall on FB

4. Still says shes single on FB

5. Still has a picture of herself on Whatsapp and not them together.

6. She tags him is things but he never responds

[bruceli]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?

right now no... but she has a gift she has of mine last I know of she wanted to mail it to me when I asked but then it changed to me wanting to come pick it up... now I'm sure it's going to be mail again... I do notice when she gets rid of a guy she ends up calling me or texting me... That's how I know things are not going well and I feel she does that to use me as a ego boost but not to be in a relationship with me.

So this is the watch she got you for your birthday I take it?  You still haven't got it?  Seems like bait now... .carrot on a stick?

[unicorn2014]

It sounds like you have a good understanding of the disorder and the relationship. What is it you would like to get from her in terms of needs met at this point in time? (Please excuse the awkward grammar, it's late)

I would say relationship but right now that's not a good idea... I'd say friendship... but I have a question... say this relationship fails wont it be that much harder for her to be this close like shes with this guy now? I feel like I wasted 8 months.

I mean she told me things like she had to find herself and explore...

Do you think it's helping yourself to compare yourself to the other guys or the other relationships?

From where I sit it doesn't look like she's available for much of anything. Has she actually expressed a desire to be in a relationship with you?

[alwaysloving]

It sounds like you have a good understanding of the disorder and the relationship. What is it you would like to get from her in terms of needs met at this point in time? (Please excuse the awkward grammar, it's late)

I would say relationship but right now that's not a good idea... I'd say friendship... but I have a question... say this relationship fails wont it be that much harder for her to be this close like shes with this guy now? I feel like I wasted 8 months.

I mean she told me things like she had to find herself and explore...

Do you think it's helping yourself to compare yourself to the other guys or the other relationships?

From where I sit it doesn't look like she's available for much of anything. Has she actually expressed a desire to be in a relationship with you?

Ha a few times... it went back and forth... I remember the night she called me telling me she was going to give me another shot. not knowing that I told her I had a date with a girl and boy did her tune change... last on Nov 27th she told me I may not want to be your girl but we can still be friends... so the next day I took it like that... just a hug and no hand holding... what does she do? I like to rest my hand on the shifter and she says if you want to hold my hand just do it! So she grabs it and holds it... rubs my neck a little and then gets sexual by spreading and having me feel her... seems a bit more then just trying to be friends... next thing I know later that night she tells me she has a boyfriend now and you know how I get...

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[alwaysloving]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?

right now no... but she has a gift she has of mine last I know of she wanted to mail it to me when I asked but then it changed to me wanting to come pick it up... now I'm sure it's going to be mail again... I do notice when she gets rid of a guy she ends up calling me or texting me... That's how I know things are not going well and I feel she does that to use me as a ego boost but not to be in a relationship with me.

So this is the watch she got you for your birthday I take it?  You still haven't got it?  Seems like bait now... .carrot on a stick?

TBH I haven't asked her again yet because I know how she gets in a new relationship very cranky and when things start going south she calls or texts me wanting to hang out.

[unicorn2014]

Mike that's why I was asking about sexual boundaries. I hear you talking about her sexual behavior but what about your own?

[alwaysloving]

Mike that's why I was asking about sexual boundaries. I hear you talking about her sexual behavior but what about your own?

I don't do anything like what she does... I don't sleep around what so ever... it's funny you should ask this because I remember she wanted me to get tested and I passed and all she said was congrats on being clean and that was it... I'm glad my ins paid for it... she showed me her results but they were from mid feb of '15 but told me they were from a few months ago... it was odd wording that did not make sense... I showed her mine without hesitation.


That's one thing I don't do is fool around with multiple partners she would always assume I was cheating on her or going to cheat on her... she would always start off saying I had a dream about you and it always ended up with me cheating on her... This came around the 4-5 month mark... When I validated she would just say ummm... .okay... then would not bring it up again until a few weeks later or so.

[unicorn2014]

I reread your original post. It sounds like your relationship is predominantly sexual in nature. I'm probably not the best person to continue to advise you.

[alwaysloving]

I reread your original post. It sounds like your relationship is predominantly sexual in nature. I'm probably not the best person to continue to advise you.

Yeah it's sexual but most always without any action I called her out on it one can't keep using the same line over and over as a excuse.

[alwaysloving]

So what would you like to get out of the relationship now? It seems like she is unavailable. I wasn't saying it was you, I was asking if there was anything that might have left you vulnerable to a person with BPD. Speaking from my own experience, I definitely let things happen too fast, I can only say that in hindsight. It is said that people with BPD Rush into relationships too quickly. People with BPD think feelings are facts. Have you done much reading in the lessons? Forgive me for not knowing much about your story. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. I'm sorry. 

I wanted a relationship... she would tell me so many times that she was not ready for one or she did not want to have to make time to plan if we wanted to do things together... she was always saying she had dreams about me cheating on her and I told her I never would do that and to stop thinking those thoughts... she would hold my hand and say I love you but don't say it back to me... She told me you are the only one I want to be with and to have a family with... and the same night we met up she talked about getting a apartment for us a 2 bedroom which was odd since that's very expensive in NYC.

I've did countless searching on BPD at least 3 months now and I have the walking on eggshells book to read, I just don't understand why and how... .it was like she was just stringing guys along until this guy came free... each time I see the picture of the two of them my skin gets hot and I feel like I'm going to go in a rage.

So may I ask what the nature of the relationship is now? Do you see each other or talk on the phone?

right now no... but she has a gift she has of mine last I know of she wanted to mail it to me when I asked but then it changed to me wanting to come pick it up... now I'm sure it's going to be mail again... I do notice when she gets rid of a guy she ends up calling me or texting me... That's how I know things are not going well and I feel she does that to use me as a ego boost but not to be in a relationship with me.

So this is the watch she got you for your birthday I take it?  You still haven't got it?  Seems like bait now... .carrot on a stick?

Just came back from getting the watch... OK i knew she was going to get a little cranky but I did it anyways and I knew she would try and stall again but I pressed anyways... here is how the convo went... sorry my part is all jumbled... I was trying to do traffic plus type a few bits at a time... her wording is very very interesting... more so when I did not respond right back away and when i brought up stuff she said while holding my hand. When she came to the car she was going to sit but she knew she would fall asleep... we talked for a small bit and she watched me put the watch on and it really does look nice $275

So the text convo went like this...

Me: You working today? Just wondering if I can swing by to pick up my gift I don't get off work at Dooney until around 5 today

Her:Ok

Her:Of course I'm working

Me:Ok

Her:You can come after I get home if I'm not home I'll tell my mom to bring it down for you

Me:Ok feels a little funny I never met your mom before and now I might see her same with your cousin and sister

Her: yeah

Her:I have a dinner date with my boyfriend so I won't be able to

Her:I'll let u know

Me:Oh I see interesting... .

Her:What's interesting?

Her:?

Me:Hold on I'm outside directing traffic

Me:Ok I'm on a little break right now it's interesting because how you told me you were not looking for a relationship right now because you did not want to have to always plan on making time to go out it seems like that's no problem now it seems

Her:Different people brings different emotions I guess

Me:I'm not too sure about that

Me:But hey what do I know

Her:Uhm

Her:Mike I fold u you were never my type correct I told u to go on with your life get a girl have fun you're young. I wasn't looking for a relationship until I found a guy i really liked and he changed my whole perspective in dating and relationships trust me we argue because he knows I'm not ready for a relationship yet he helps me out thru my anxieties and worries.

Me:Nah I think you were playing his all along you kept talking sex and stuff but it was always your period or if I wasn't on my period I'd have sex with you it got to the point when you said that I know it would be something about your period I think it's crazy you had met the guy and buy you stuff and figure I'm good and then you Say you love him after a few weeks... Now the part on November 28th we went for lunch which I think was a slap in the face you grabbed my hand when really I did not expect you to do anything you were ready to bolt when I talked about having to go to the hotel to check in but when I did you tried to bait me by saying we should have sex then of course you said you were just coming off your period I wish I got $5 for each time you said that lets not forget all the other stuff you said how i was the only guy you wanted to have kids with I could go on and on... .I think it's a true slap in the face, you assumed I was having a female over I did not I wanted my time alone to relax and still then I had family bugging me... .I'm just really shocked and hurt more than anything else I felt like all those moments went to waste

Her:Jesus !

Me:That's his name!

Her:I never said I love him I clearly put he ❣ me that doesn't mean I love him or he loves me the same day I posted a picture was the same day he asked me out we use to talk before even before I meet you I wasn't interested in him he recently contacted me n I just gave him a chance n yes we went out to have fun but it was because you did all those things for me on my birthday and it'll only be fair I'll return the favor. Idc what u do in your personal life u can go out all u want have fun be alone that's not my business and the fact that I want to have your child doesn't mean I want to be with you and yes I mean that. Mike if I bring so much hurt to your life just delete me from everywhere and don't contact me again.  If you really love me you'll let me be happy

Me:You don't bring hurt in my life and I still love you no matter what and I want you to be happy I enjoy when we just talk and have fun I just don't want you push me away I could not think of a more wonderful person to be a mother of my children yeah I know I did not set boundaries in the beginning yeah I have to learn from that and seeing you smile is one of the things that truly means the world to me

Me:Please don't be upset ok?

Her:I'm not upset mike as a friend you deserve better

Me:Yeah but don't devalue yourself like that I think you are an awesome amazing friend/person I would not ever think of you in a bad way like you said on the 28th lets me friends so we will be friends point blank whatever happens happens you mean the world to me and I'm not going to let our friendship go to waste

Her:Okay

Her:I'm really happy mike

Her:Are you coming to pick up your gift tonight?

Me:If it's possible

Her:Ok

Me:What time should I come?

Me:If you said something I did not hear you because my phone was not switched to Bluetooth

Her:I was getting on the train I'm On my way home super tired

Me:Ok

Me:See you at the house

Her:What ?

Me:You asked me if I was coming tonight to pick the gift up and I said yes

Her:Ok

Her:But listen

Her:You come whenever u need to come to NY.

Me:What's that mean?

Me:Don't waste gas just to pick something up

Me:I'm not wasting gas

Her:Ok

Her:Just know I'm going to bed early

Me:You know I'm not that far

Her:I'm eating something then out to take a shower  n bed

Her:I'm sure you still will be up

Her:R u on your way ?

Her:I'm going to bed now

[alwaysloving]

LOL well she dumped the guy it did she sent me a text telling me shes single again and how "You know it's impossible for me to be in a relationship that's scary" She does not like how annoying I can get which is why she does not move closer... but I told her that's me I used to be a lot more passive... I'm just learning to speak up for myself a little more.

She says shes heartbroken not because she is single but because she can't love anyone

[Herodias]

Mike, what are you getting out of this? There are LOTS of available women out there! Give them a chance... .you don't need to catch a disease from her that will affect you future. Be glad you have only been involved for this long. I played around with mine like this in the beginning... .thinking we were soulmates! I put up with all of this crap and married him. We have been married 7 years together 9 and now getting divorced in a month. He cheated on me the whole time and he has another woman pregnant now. Believe me when I tell you it is very painful. If you enjoy drama and danger then stick with it, but I want to suggest to you while she is playing around, you may want to date other people and see what else is out there for you... .you don't seem to have any type of commitment here. You could find Joy instead of happiness. Happiness can be temporary.

[alwaysloving]

Mike, what are you getting out of this? There are LOTS of available women out there! Give them a chance... .you don't need to catch a disease from her that will affect you future. Be glad you have only been involved for this long. I played around with mine like this in the beginning... .thinking we were soulmates! I put up with all of this crap and married him. We have been married 7 years together 9 and now getting divorced in a month. He cheated on me the whole time and he has another woman pregnant now. Believe me when I tell you it is very painful. If you enjoy drama and danger then stick with it, but I want to suggest to you while she is playing around, you may want to date other people and see what else is out there for you... .you don't seem to have any type of commitment here. You could find Joy instead of happiness. Happiness can be temporary.

I remember her getting mad for me really going out on a date with another girl... but shes the one that said she wanted me to go out and date... I remember she sent me a text saying I was never going to find another girl like her. I kinda chuckled because how quick she went into trying to be nice.

[Herodias]

"I remember she sent me a text saying I was never going to find another girl like her"

Lets hope you don't,   They don't know what they want... .

[alwaysloving]

You got that right... she sent me this message since I work for a company that makes women's handbags... in a picture I took she pointed out one she wanted and to get it for me... I ordered it and shes like in shock that I got it... so I said think of it as a Christmas gift and shes like no way Mike!

[unicorn2014]

MikeCl, may I ask what's in this relationship for you?

[alwaysloving]

MikeCl, may I ask what's in this relationship for you?

Sex

[alwaysloving]

But in all seriousness trying to be a good friend... I have a good feeling shes not used to one person sticking around as much as I had including when shes pushed me away... her wording has changed to say things like "You know how I get" she hasn't questioned me anymore yet so far asking why I like her or want to be with her.

[alwaysloving]

So she called me... it's interesting... and as I expected she went into a little more detail about her life growing up... I should of asked sooner... she said she wants to go to T but she feels it's a waste of money to pay someone to listen to her problems when they don't "give a #%$#%" I told her I was going to suggest that to her she did not really say much about that... but then she went on to tell me about her father and why she is scared to get attached because he left her and her mother and sisters and because of that she's scared to get too close to anyone because it turns her away.

She stopped talking midway saying she did not want to talk about it anymore and it was making her sad... She went on to say that's why I like you... you are a good friend... .Now of course she had to tease me before calling saying she wanted to take pictures... when I asked in detail she said nude but she was just joking... but I did not take the bait I just asked like normal and then she said just normal everyday shots... Supposedly we are hanging out on Christmas day since we are both off for a little while... should be interesting.