Hurt and upset

[PinkPoker]

So for weeks now we've been meeting up and he's been telling me how he's changed, that's he's not using me etc.  We've got on fairly well and I've managed to express some of my thoughts on his emotional state.

However, earlier on in the week we met like we normally do and I raised a point from the weekend about how I was unhappy that he left the table we were on and walked over to a group of girls and stayed talking to them for 45 mins to an hour. I explained I came out for him that Evening and he responded by saying he came out for me.  There were a few other people on our table so I wasn't alone.

Maybe I'm in the wrong here but I felt it was rude and I told him that if I didn't have a drink id have gone.  It's the first time he's got angry with me. (Since rebuilding our friendship)  I've said far more deep and maybe even hurtful things but for some reason this riled him.   He started snapping at other things after that too... .

I've not contacted him since that night and he went to hug me good bye and I didn't hug him back. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't because they were female but if you are out with friends and you wonder off for that amount of time it's rude. He only came back to the table because the girls left! He said it was only going to be for ten minutes but he couldn't get away (he use to do this sort of thing before).   He said if I went off talking to a bloke he'd sit and wait (absolute rubbish).     He did say at one point such and such was talking to you (as much to say I wasn't getting any attention).   He loves/craves attention esp. From females ;-)

I am suppose to be meeting him tomorrow but I've been considering just calling our friendship a day. He was so nasty and aggressive towards me for giving my opinion.  I am hurt, earlier the same evening I did a massive favour for him and he needed me like he'd probably never needed me before.

On a more positive note when we started meeting up again a few weeks back he was always late so I told him I thought he did it on purpose and if he was more than 20 mins late I would leave. Ever since that day he's turned up on time!   So maybe although he's shown aggressive towards me he may have taken my opinion on board? Who knows... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[TheRealJongoBong]

I just wanted to congratulate you on setting a very good boundary with your friend on his habit of being late. You are also legitimately upset with him about his virtual abandonment of you on your date. It's a wonderful place to communicate another boundary with him, that if he does it again you'll leave without him. Again, good job!

[an0ught]

Hi PinkPoker

On a more positive note when we started meeting up again a few weeks back he was always late so I told him I thought he did it on purpose and if he was more than 20 mins late I would leave. Ever since that day he's turned up on time!   So maybe although he's shown aggressive towards me he may have taken my opinion on board? Who knows... .

Good move  . Words, empty threats are useless but boundaries with consequences for ourselves work. He knows you are serious.

Recasting what we say and do in a way that we stay in control where reasonably possible is a significant shift in perspective that takes time to get used to.

It makes a big difference.

[Cat Familiar]

Good work! Boundaries are key to not being overwhelmed and manipulated by their behavior. I wish I had known this many years ago. It's not pleasant enforcing a boundary, but not doing it is far worse.