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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
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Setting Boundaries
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Author Topic: Hell On wheels ...Im going crazy here  (Read 469 times)
dumpsterdog
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« on: November 13, 2015, 09:39:16 AM »

Lets work backwards ... I have been away from my SO ( Significant other ) for about three weeks . She is in Vegas, I am in Illinois visiting family. Before leaving, I lost my job of four years. beforfe leaving , she told me to get out multiple times. We foiught and argued every day, she routinlerefereed to me as a free loader, scumbag, piece of ___ loser, " go home to your mommy " etc... ." i hate you " she would sing in this little annoying repetitive child like " na ... .na na na ... .na ". She would threaten to call the cops if i even came close to her for a hug or anything.She would almost nitely lock herself in here room and become unresponsive, threatening to call the cops if i didn't go away. She has hit, bit , kicked , punched, me, set my dog lose after taking off his collar so he would not be identified, tried to hit me in the face with a hammer after I came in the doggy door one nite becase she had barraceded all the doorsa to the house shut, broke my piano to peices with a hammer while texting me pictures of her doing this ( becaue I was late getting home ), cut up most of my clothes with a scissors and hid them under the bed and DENIED doing it when I found them. She has gone completely celebate. I have alw\ays been the one to get the mail, she just cant seem to do it. Long story short< we live in her house, the mortage is paid, and I am responsible for the bills. well, after losing my job , I could not tell her due to fear of her reaction, and now that I've been gone three weeks, the power was turned off last night.

she immediately called me and started with the meanest most nasty insults you can think of telling me its over and that she is giving all mhy things to goodwill and that i should never step foot on her property again. there is much more, but I think you get the idea.

one night she just decided I didnt appreciate her tv in the living room... so she took the power cord and hid it, explaining that there was no longer to be a  " community room ", and that I should watch tv in my room if i wanted... .so I just cancelled the cable service ( why pay for it now that the tv has been disabled.

In addition, she is a dog trainer , has two beautifu Irish setters who mean more to her than gold. She makes a point everytim she spurns my affection, to immeidatley turn to one of her dogs and lavish hugs and kisses all over the animal... .I cant even get into bed with her most of the time because, " the dogs are laying here , you should go in the other room"

Now with all that being said, she has told me to just stay gone and never come back again... .Does she mean this.? or is she just completely ___in nuts? I literally have become a nervous wreck, lost my job due to being soo stressed out that I coulnt think at work or even get there on time because she has just ___ed my head uip soo bad... .yet I still want to make things right and prove to her Im a good man.

Advice.please... .do you think she will try to charm me back ?, or what can i expect next from her. I forgot to say that I provided health insurance for her 23 yr old autistic son who had a pacemaker until she decided it was time for him to leave the house. He flew to be with his father in texas and neither one of them will even talk to her anymore.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm unemployed, staying with family in another state until this blows over and I cant go back until I find a job and make enough money for the trip, and to get her bills caught up and paid a little ahead.

What to do.? Dont hold back.


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« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2015, 09:55:07 AM »

Whew! That's quite a history. I'm really sorry you've endured so much.    Is this a relationship you want to try to resuscitate?
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« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2015, 09:59:35 AM »

Hi dumpsterdog,

And welcome.

Well you asked for suggestions,  here are a couple.

Handle things in order of priority.  The important stuff first.  Safety, job, breaking the cycle of conflict.

Domestic violence is nothing to mess with.    It almost always escalates.   It's serious.   Depending on the laws in your state you could end up with legal concerns.   Take a visit to the legal board here and read some of those stories.

Keep coming here and read and post like mad.  Educate yourself.

Learn how to respond to an emotional deregulation.   Break the cycle of conflict.

Establish boundaries so you are in a  better place, physically and mentally.

What do you think?   Make sense?


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« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2015, 10:00:55 AM »

I've been through the destroying things in madness type of situation. For some reason I stayed, I am now to a point where I have lost my faith, my faith in people, in God, in my husband. We just recently bought a house, something he pushed for, for years before we were finally able to do it financially. His excuse most of the time was that he could not live around people, I agreed, we were not in a good neighborhood before. So here we are, 10 acres, can literally walk around in the back yard naked if you wanted to and he is more miserable than he has ever been. He threatens divorce almost every day, has not hurt our dogs but certainly favors one of them over the others even though he wanted them and complains about them daily. I just wanted to reach out and say, to me I wish I had left we he destroyed my things. I'm talking a bonfire of all my precious memories, pictures, scrapbooks, things I can never get back. If your wife is not seeking some kind of treatment I don't see her behavior towards you improving. My husband is in treatment and taking medication. It's not perfect but the physical things have stopped and he hasn't destroyed anything in a couple years. Threats are still made though and I will not hesitate to throw him in jail this time around if he truly hurts me again.

I guess my main advice to you would be to try and get some kind of therapy. You are in a very dark place, I understand you still love her but she has dragged you through the mud and you are still hoping for reconciliation. Think about how it feels at your parents house away from her. Use this time as reflection and to become more self aware of what you really want. Her behaviors are probably not going to change even if she does forgive. And forgiveness to them does not mean they will not bring it up again. I think you probably already know that. I read your post and I just thought, if I was in your shoes, I would attempt to get my things back and stay gone.
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« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2015, 06:07:44 AM »

Hi dumsterdog,

In the grand scheme of things, I'm unemployed, staying with family in another state until this blows over and I cant go back until I find a job and make enough money for the trip, and to get her bills caught up and paid a little ahead.

What to do.? Dont hold back.

welcome back  . At this point you need to radically focus on yourself. Over the past year you knew you were dealing with BPD and the situation did further deteriorate that it is now impacting all other areas in your life. The solution i.e. tangible improvements can not come from fixing your relationship. I'm not saying you should run or you should hold on to it here! What I'm saying is your "grand scheme of things" is where your immediate focus needs to be. Energy spent on her drama and the relationship with her is lost to the cause of getting on your feet again. And that matters at the moment most.

You are valuable and need to protect and invest in yourself!
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« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2015, 06:14:58 PM »

Hi again,

thanks... .for the responses... all valid... .so ( I'll just call her vixen ) I texted her today because I knew she had an event with her dogs this weekend, just asked how the show went, and I got an interesting reply ( I guess part of me was testing  to see if she would even reply , and she did ). She said she had gotten a text from her ex sister in law regarding her 25 year old autistic son, whom she kicked out of the house over a year ago to go live with his father ( son hasnt talked to her once since he left ) . The text said " bob" ( the son ) had been telling everybody that " mom was abusive to me " . I could not believe that  " vixen "  had been confronted by a totally out of the blue non participant in our drama with the topic of abuse. The sis in law threatened that she would sue vixen if vixen ever tried to come and take " bob " back.  My first response was " good for her for busting your balls and she is right " mentally... but insteqd I sipmly responded with questions like "what does your ex husband think about this"... .trying to neither agree or disagree with the statements.  So, vixen defended herself , saying tha " bob " always had food and a place to sleep and transportation and that she never touched him "

I replied " words can be very powerful too"  hoping she would get a clue about her typically mean, nasty degrading comments to those who love her, and thought maybe ( being confronted by a third party ) she might be coming into the light... .but ... .i was wrong.

she actually then gaslighted the blame onto me... saying that our relationship must be what " bob " was talking about, because I had been " bangin on doors all nite all the time " ( she was referring to me knocking on the doors to the house to try and get in when she had locked me out a few times... .)

so, once again, just when I think she may be getting a clue, she spins it back onto me , turns on a dime , and then leaves... .after she made her case that it wasn't her fault, she then said " I always knew " bob " was a little off, and i guess our relationship dove him over the edge "... .once again managing to blame her autistic son with a pacemaker, and me for this issue...

simply amazing... .and brain defying illogical banter ... .i was just shaking my head in disbeleif... because that is how she is going to defend this accusation... .by blaming it on our relationship... .and ultimately ... on me... and on her son... .thus further justifying her for not wanting to get back together... , or wanting him back in the house either... .

In actuality, when she kicked him out , she said it was time for him to grow up and be on his own, and that she was tired of taking care of him for the last five years since hubby left and that hubby could take care of " bob " for a while... .coincedentally, vixen had bobs dog put down just a few days after bob left, without even talking to him about it, and then texted the hubby to tell bob... ." oh by the way i had your dog killed today"   almost as a cruel punishment for bob leaving , even though she had made him leave.

no wonder the kid doesnt want to talk to mom.

comments ?

I'm still trying to do low contact hoping she will come around and get back on meds so we can be ok together.

thoughts?

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« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2015, 01:05:56 AM »

Personal Message (Online)

   

   

Re: Hell On wheels ... .Im going crazy here

« Reply #5 on: Yesterday at 06:14:58 PM »

   Reply with quoteQuote

Hi again,

thanks... .for the responses... all valid... .so ( I'll just call her vixen ) I texted her today because I knew she had an event with her dogs this weekend, just asked how the show went, and I got an interesting reply ( I guess part of me was testing  to see if she would even reply , and she did ). She said she had gotten a text from her ex sister in law regarding her 25 year old autistic son, whom she kicked out of the house over a year ago to go live with his father ( son hasnt talked to her once since he left ) . The text said " bob" ( the son ) had been telling everybody that " mom was abusive to me " . I could not believe that  " vixen "  had been confronted by a totally out of the blue non participant in our drama with the topic of abuse. The sis in law threatened that she would sue vixen if vixen ever tried to come and take " bob " back.  My first response was " good for her for busting your balls and she is right " mentally... but insteqd I sipmly responded with questions like "what does your ex husband think about this"... .trying to neither agree or disagree with the statements.  So, vixen defended herself , saying tha " bob " always had food and a place to sleep and transportation and that she never touched him "

I replied " words can be very powerful too"  hoping she would get a clue about her typically mean, nasty degrading comments to those who love her, and thought maybe ( being confronted by a third party ) she might be coming into the light... .but ... .i was wrong.

she actually then gaslighted the blame onto me... saying that our relationship must be what " bob " was talking about, because I had been " bangin on doors all nite all the time " ( she was referring to me knocking on the doors to the house to try and get in when she had locked me out a few times... .)

so, once again, just when I think she may be getting a clue, she spins it back onto me , turns on a dime , and then leaves... .after she made her case that it wasn't her fault, she then said " I always knew " bob " was a little off, and i guess our relationship dove him over the edge "... .once again managing to blame her autistic son with a pacemaker, and me for this issue...

simply amazing... .and brain defying illogical banter ... .i was just shaking my head in disbeleif... because that is how she is going to defend this accusation... .by blaming it on our relationship... .and ultimately ... on me... and on her son... .thus further justifying her for not wanting to get back together... , or wanting him back in the house either... .

In actuality, when she kicked him out , she said it was time for him to grow up and be on his own, and that she was tired of taking care of him for the last five years since hubby left and that hubby could take care of " bob " for a while... .coincedentally, vixen had bobs dog put down just a few days after bob left, without even talking to him about it, and then texted the hubby to tell bob... ." oh by the way i had your dog killed today"   almost as a cruel punishment for bob leaving , even though she had made him leave.

no wonder the kid doesnt want to talk to mom.

comments ?

I'm still trying to do low contact hoping she will come around and get back on meds so we can be ok together.

thoughts?

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« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2015, 08:07:08 AM »

Hi dumpsterdog,

This is pretty much right out of our Lessons page where it talks about what does it take to be in a relationship with a borderline.   You can read more there.

I think it is very important to have very realistic expectations of what a relationship with a person with BPD will look like.   That means taking some time to really educate yourself about the illness.   Medication can be helpful, I will say it has helped my partner somewhat but it has not provided a magic cure.   My experience is that it has taken the edge off.   Other people may have different experiences.

This is a quote from the Lessons:

Excerpt
A  person with BPD is emotionally underdeveloped and does not have "adult" emotional skills - especially in times of stress.  If you are in this type of relationship it is important to have realistic expectations for what the relationship can be in terms of consistent respect, trust and support, honesty and accountability, and in terms of negotiation and fairness, or expectations of non-threatening behavior.  It is important to accept the relationship behavior for what it is - not hope the person will permanently return to the idealization phase, not accept the external excuses for the bad behavior, and not hope that changing your behavior to heal someone else.

BPD is a serious mental disorder,  there is a lot of complicated theory about what recovery looks like and how to get there.   Which is probably more than what you want to know today.   I can safely say there are no quick fixes.   For most this is a long term struggle.

People with BPD struggle with overwhelming intense emotions.   With the negative emotions they will look for a place to dump them,... .by blame shifting, by distorting reality, by making the facts equal their feelings.   This is how they process life and emotions.   It's ~normal~ for them.   Typically they see nothing wrong with it.   The way they process life is much different from the way you and I process life.

Have a look HERE

Start right at the top.    And come back and  let us know what you think.

'ducks

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« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2015, 09:26:23 AM »

Yes learning about BPD and how they tick is a very good way to start. It makes everything click, it makes you understand why they do what they do. They literally live in chaos in their own head so they cause a lot of it around them too. I feel for her son, I can't imagine my mother doing something like that to me he must have been devastated, I wouldn't blame him for never wanting to speak to her again. They do feel shame about what they do, they just turn it around on other people so that they don't have to take the blame for what they did themselves.

Please work on you, that is going to be the best way to spend your time at this point.
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« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2015, 09:55:24 PM »

So... .hell on wheels back for more advie... here is where our relationship stands at them moment... she has a new facebook interest... .( I hate faacebook , but cannot help myself from trying to se what is going on with her... .so she is obviously letting someone think they have a chance... .not saying there is snything going on... but he is liking everything she has ever posted, and she is liking all his posts... etc... .blah blah blah... .) anyway, the last few days she has told me that she needs to move on and that dhe cant do that until I let go... .final goodbyes in dramatic fashion etc... .I have multiple job offers now, and possibly one that would take me back to vegas... and it happens to be in her field, and i would happen to be working in a place she may even be present there from time to time... .

a>   is she gone for good now that she has a pending supply of admiration?

b.    aM i BEING STUPID TO EVEN THINK OF GETTING NEAR TO HER TO SEE IF WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT.

sorry caps

c.   Has she already moved on for real... ? she confirmed a location of a pic this morning on facebook, but did not leave any message etc... .almost like shes still checking me out , but wants me to think shes done...

What the heck?

please advise.

thanks.
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« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2015, 05:16:09 AM »

hi dumpsterdog,

I can see she is very important to you.   I can appreciate the desire to 'figure' out what the meaning is behind certain facebook posts.  I've done that too.

Here is how I see things.  People with BPD have emotions that wax and wane frequently.  Trying to predict them or figure them out typically leaves you with a headache.  Probably like the one you have now.  What you can do is figure out what you want and be rock solid steady about it.   Consistent.   Chasing her emotions will lead you on a roller coaster ride.   Better to figure out want/need and hold on to that.

The risk is she might rocket off in a different direction.  You can't control that.  You can only be responsible for your 50% of the relationship.   The plus of being true to yourself  is you won't tie yourself into knots trying to be something or achieve something your not.

'ducks
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« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2015, 09:04:43 AM »

Whyt is it so hard for her to just answer the phone... .the last time she talked,, I said " all i need is to hear you say you love me and that you want me to come home,, and she started crying and said : I cant do that :... .as if she wanted to but just could not say the words.

Everything since then has been text... .I have heard her voise since she was crying saying i cant take you back... .breakin my heart... .do you think no contact is going to have an effect... .she also deleted all the pics of us together on her public facebook. The have been so many time she has said its over , but then three days later shes ok... .so I really do not know where we stand right now, because in the past , I still lived with her... now i do not so , Im not going to just see her every day to be there when the freeze thaws... .this time im afraid she has turned to someone else, otherwise why would she tell me not to come home... im not there anyway, if she just wanteed space, she has that without literally breaking up... .do BPDs only break up when they have another source already lined up? Will no contact work... .yesterday she go on facebook and " confirmed " a pi locatioin, and she read a long message ( I could see it was marked as read ), but she did not respond at all.

What the heck... What the heck... .this is driving me crazy... .obviously I love her very much, but she is completely shutting me out. what a b___. I am constantly oscillating between trying to understand and wanting to strangle her... .she did finally send a text explaining that she had given it serious thought and " even though I will be lonely for a while "... I need to move on with my life ... take care of your self... .goodbye "  type of send off... .again... what the ___... .two days earlier we had a normal conversation and before I left three weeks ago,she had told me she loved me... .please... somebody give me answers!

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« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2015, 12:29:29 PM »

Having no contact with her will probably make her find someone else and move on. It is when her object of obsession is no longer able to give her what she needs that she will let go of it. You are not there to give her what she needs so she is probably finding someone else to fill those needs. You need to remind yourself that these are most likely very dysfunctional and selfish needs. You seem to be addicted to her, which is not uncommon in these relationships. I can honestly say I have been addicted to my husband, and I don't want to be. Can you do a little digging in yourself to understand why you want her back so badly when she has basically cut you loose?

Could she eventually take you back? Of course, they change their mind very quickly when it suits them. But do you really want it? Can you list what you actually get out of the relationship like a pros and cons. I think right now you are feeling rejected and it's making you very uncomfortable emotionally to the fact that you may never be with her again. That's ok, everything you feel is ok. Even if she does take you back are you prepared for this same kind of thing to happen again? These kinds of things tend to repeat themselves. It's ok to be mad at her, but take responsibility for your part in this. You know she has a personality disorder, she is unstable and she's going to do crazy things like this. What's in it for you?
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« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2015, 03:26:06 PM »

Should I try and stay in touch then...

I dont think I can live without here right now,,and my heart is broken wide open... what can i do to change things... ?

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« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2015, 06:53:52 PM »

Hi dumpsterdog,

Go ahead and take a couple of deep breaths and try and relax.   You want to do your best thinking here and that's hard to do while tense.

You can attempt to keep the lines of communication open without overwhelming her.   

You can do what Cloudy Days suggested and think about what happens if you go back and the same situations repeat all over again.  That's not good for her.   And that's not good for you.

You can use this time to your advantage.  To get your own stuff in order so you can say,  Look I am working on my stuff,  I've done X, Y and Z.  Things are different now.

'ducks



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« Reply #15 on: November 18, 2015, 07:57:02 PM »

I have been bitten punched kicked slapped had my clothes cut to shredd had to watch her cut herself bloody with scisors and have spent the night in jail bcause she falsely accused me of breaking into her house... .i live there by the way... and the address is on my license and we have a legally binding domestice partnethp... .,,and now she is threatning to have me evictrd because her dog died... .does this sound like BPD and what can i do to convince her i love her and she just needs to chill... .

I'm sorry you're going through all of this dumpsterdog. I'm happy that you decided to rejoin us.

What transpired in the last year since you last posted? Has she falsely accused you? Have you had false arrests?

If you had to look at your r/s a year ago and if you look at the state of r/s today, how were things tackled differently?
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« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2015, 06:21:57 PM »

So . we have been talking on the phone a couple of times lately... .but as long as things stay superficial " hows your dog "... .she is ok... but I alwasy get around to the part where I say " I miss you and cant wait to come home and put my arms aropund you "... .so starts to cry, and then says " you have ruined me, i cant love or trust anymore "... and then she always hangs up the phone... .so logic says , " just dont tell her you love her or that you want to come home"... .duh... .so then whats the point... because I do love her and want to come home.

crazymaking again... .

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