How to deal with jealousy issues of the BPD partner

[steve195915]

My BPDgf has a big jealousy issue with my phone.  If see's me looking at my email on my phone I get accused of texting other females or if I happen to leave it in the car when I pick her up she accuses me of trying to hide something, or if I get a notification or text message if I don't look at it immediately she accuses me of hiding something, or if I just take it out of my pocket for a second to see the time she asks me what I'm trying to hide. She also says she can tell from my facial expressions I'm hiding something. It's very annoying as I have absolutely nothing to hide.  I offered to let her look through my phone but she just says I probably deleted any of the incriminating texts or emails.  We've had so many arguments over her absolutely false accusations.

I tried putting my phone on silent when I'm with her but then if she see's that she accuses me of doing that to hide incoming calls, she even texts or calls me when I'm with her to see if its on silent so I gave up on that.  If I don't take my phone with me when I'm with her the accusations are even worse.

Does anyone else have this issue and have you found some way to manage the situation?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

My H recently snuck into my phone. Usually I make a big deal out of it and that triggers him even more. He also goes through my fb feed looking for reasons to accuse me of wanting to cheat on him. Most recently he scrolled through 50 posts and narrowed in on one non-flirtatious joke that a guy made and my response to it. I didn't make a big deal out of it and he quickly began to go on about what was really bothering him.

I know form flier has set some boundaries with his wife. And it sounds like it has worked well. I'm not quite at the setting boundaries level yet but I think that is the key.

[steve195915]

What sort of boundaries do I set for her to stop making accusations?  She also has looked through my phone looking for messages or phone calls.  She wanted me to delete my fb account and just add to hers but I refused to do that.  

The best response from me is to just stay calm and say I'm not having any other contacts and that she's the only one for me.  I usually get a remark from her saying she doesn't believe me.  That usually is the end of it.  Once when she accused me of getting texts and wanted to see my phone, I responded with "I don't see your phone or look at your texts".  Then she turned it around got furious and said I'm insecure and don't trust her and didn't talk to me for days. 

PS;  When I see me writing these things I wonder why do I stay in this unhealthy relationship.