Tricky times

[wundress]

How can I prove to my wife that I want to stick around for her? She knows she has messed up big time over the past 6 months and has caused me a great deal of pain.

She had started to get better before Xmas but now seems in another depressive downward spiral. Trouble is, I am also in a depressed and anxious state so it doesn't make for a great mix. She has realised how bad she made me feel since July when she decided all her problems were my fault. But where she had been saying she was going to make it better she is now saying she thinks she should leave me again because she is afraid of hurting me all over.

On the other hand she won't accept that when I turned to her parents for help (before I realised what a pointless exercise that was) I did that out of love. She says I was going behind her back! In reality I did it before her breakdown to try and get her some help and support because she wasn't taking her meds and wouldn't listen to me.

I don't know what to do for the best.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[TheRealJongoBong]

How can I prove to my wife that I want to stick around for her?

How about you set her down, give her a hug and say "I want to stick around for you." She will accept it or she won't, you can't control that.

[waverider]

Only time and consistent behavior will establish this.

What you are experiencing is projection. She is trying to put her conclusions in your mind. She feels like a failure, so you must.

If you overly try to convince her otherwise your RS goes back on a reactive footing which will further destabilize it, and you start walking on eggshells again.

You can't control how she thinks, only your input into the environment which influences her mindset She is feeling very shaky now and so needs you to be stable all the more, despite her actions trying to destabilize you.

What she wants and what she needs are two different things